Psychology Today offers some wisdom on getting kids to do what you want, from someone who knows: a middle school teacher.
The secret: positive feedback. Don’t just tell the kids what not to do. Tell them how you want them to do it instead.
Seems like simple common sense, right? Yet we all know how hard it is to do in practice. When one of my daughters is climbing a bookcase or putting the smackdown on her sister with a toy, the first words out of my mouth are rarely, “I’d really like to see you do this even better.” They’re more likely to be, “STOP!”
Sometimes, you just have to holler, “Stop!”
But more often, even in those frazzled high-stress moments of parenting, we’d get better results if we tell the kids what we do want instead. “I’d love to see both your feet on the floor,” is better feedback than “Don’t climb the bookcase.”
Most parents are familiar with this. What really impressed me in the Psychology Today story was their example: they walk you through an imaginary contest, and make it very clear that being told what “doing it right” looks like will help you do your best.
Of course, this positive feedback thing doesn’t only work on kids. You can try it on your spouse, your coworkers and your mom too.
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