Guns and Sleepovers
Do you keep one in your house?
Although I, myself, am not a hunter, many of my friends are. And my daughter is friends with many of my friends’ children. This means that there are times when my daughter will be playing at a home that houses a weapon, and I’ve never once stopped to ponder that fact. Until, that is, I read an article written by a mom who has one question for every set of parents whose children invite her son over to play.
“Do you keep a gun in your home?”
The query embarrasses her son. But Maria Stuart doesn’t care one bit, as her recent piece on Salon would attest. Anytime her 11-year-old is invited over to someone’s house with whom she’s not familiar, Stuart Googles the parents’ names. She also goes into the house for a “look-see” when dropping her child off. And she doesn’t leave without asking the question that makes her son cringe.
So far, she’s yet to find a parent who owns a gun. But if she ever were to, Stuart would then ask to see how the gun is secured. Stuart, herself, concedes that she might be a touch overprotective. If so, she blames it on all her years at the local paper where she was privy to her fair share of accidental shootings involving children.
Like all of us, Stuart has heard the old adage to which gun advocates constantly cling: “It’s people who shoot people, not guns.” And while she acknowledges the element of truth behind it, she also points out that “the number of accidental deaths by gun far, far outweigh accidental stabbings or stranglings. Those kinds of accidental deaths don’t just happen because someone forgot to lock up the carving knife or put the silk scarf into the drawer.”
Just as I was wondering if the Arizona shooting played a role in the timing of Stuart’s post, she alluded to the tragedy. She wrote that her son was particularly saddened by the death of 9-year-old Christina Taylor-Green. When he asked his mom why the little girl was among those shot, Stuart responded with three simple words. “She was there.”
“I guess we’ll just have to be careful,” her son replied.
“If only that were true,” Stuart wrote. “If being careful would keep us from the grips of violence, well, what a wonderful world it would be. The only truth in all of this is that sometimes violence is random, unpredictable, and if we are always on alert for it, we’ll go mad.”
Yet by Googling parents’ names, conducting impromptu “look-sees” during drop offs, and asking parents questions pertaining to their second-amendment rights, Stuart seems, herself, to be one who is “always on alert.” And while she’s found a good place for her interrogations to start, shouldn’t she keep going? After all, she’s only touched upon one of the many perils our children face.
Shouldn’t she also ask the parents if they have any pornography in the house? What about booze? I know that, unlike a loaded gun, those things can’t kill a child instantaneously, so perhaps they’re bad examples, but a car wreck could kill instantly. Should Stuart ask parents about their driving record?
Please allow me to make one thing clear. I’m not into guns. I don’t keep one in the house. In fact, I wish there were fewer guns. And, like Stuart, I wish they were harder to get. But I’m also not about to deny anyone their 2nd amendment right, nor am I about to play 20 questions with every semi-stranger who will even ever-so-briefly briefly enter the lives of my children.
But if I were to, I suppose a logical place to start would be with guns. So while I would never ask parents about weapons, it’s hard for me to find fault with a mother who does so out of a desire to keep her child safe.
What do you think? Do you ask your child’s friends’ parents if they keep a gun in their house?
Image: stock.xchng
Wow. We have about five. All in a locked safe in the garage. Our kids have been given lessons by a professional in gun safety, loading, firing and unloading guns, They are pretty good marksman too. By removing the mystique and teaching them responsibly I have a feeling they’d have more respect for safety in a situation where a friend might pull one out he or she found out at home.
So I guess some kids may get taken home if ever their parent questions me. As is their right. But we won’t be getting rid of our guns anytime soon.
But honestly, if I were to be grilled about porn and booze I think I’d just tell them to go on back down the road. I wouldn’t t invite that kind of person into my home- or her kids. That’s a situation looking for a problem, IMHO.
@goddess — I hope you didn’t misconstrue my point. I actually don’t think you did, but just in case, let me make this clear: I would never ask a parent questions about booze, driving record, etc… And if someone asked C and me questions along those lines? I’d tell them to take a hike, too. My point is that if you’re going to ask about guns in the home out of concern for your child, why stop there? Shouldn’t you tackle all the other elements that you wouldn’t want them exposed to, also? Thanks for your comment!
Rather than conudcitng a morals survey on complete strangers, I prefer to actually get to know people before I leave my children with them overnight, but that’s just me.
@Linda, the original one — we’re the same way. We like to get to know the parents of our children’s friends. That takes a lot of angst away. And, in my book, if there fantastic, responsible folks, there’s no need to conduct a “morals survey.” And you kinda nailed what part of my problem was a/ Stuart’s question. It comes off holier-than-thou for those who are exercising their Constitutional rights.
@lisa — You know a mom who rocks a gun at a weapon at playgroup? Holy cow. And I’m with you. I’d not send my kids packing from Goddess’ house, either. Like I said, given that many of my friend’s hunt, I’m certain that my 9yo is at homes where there are guns. But I also know these people and trust them. It seems Stuart doesn’t know the people whom she interrogates. Like Linda says, rather than interrogation, maybe Stuart can find a way to get to know these people.
Goddess — I don’t have any guns and I really don’t like them personally, but your having guns (and securely locked ones) would not mean I’d send my child home and packing. To me, gun safety is like other things that pose a potential danger to our kids. Do they have a pool? How secure is that? How about a dog? What kind? etc.? I think we’re just so sensitive to guns right now, but I think as a parent we have every right to know how safe a house is if we’re letting our kids stay there unsupervised. I think we’re overly sensitive actually and this is standing in the way of constructive conversation. I had a question for MOMS Club regarding how to address safety in the home when there are children there for events. I got this “well we still thankfully have a right to bear arms” response about how we couldn’t say anything. Ummm what about that mom with a gun in her purse that’s on the floor at playgroup?? I mean people, I understand the 2nd ammendment and all. I’m not asking anyone to give up their guns. I just wish people would educate themselves with regards to gun safety. Do you really need to bring a gun to playgroup? Seriously!
My standard reply to this sort of snoopy personal question is to ask “Do you enjoy anal sex?” I then point out that if the questioner will refrain from asking personal questions that are none of their business I will extend them the same courtesy. If what they want to know is “Will my child be at risk from firearms while at your home” then that is what they should ask.
@ John — yes. This actually happened. And just to clarify, if I know the guns are securely locked up (a la Goddess) I would feel a lot safer about leaving my kid there. Hopefully I would have somewhat of a relationship with the parents before a playdate or sleep over. The problem is, this is such a hot button topic.
@ Bruce — why is this such a personal question to you? Yes, you have a right to bear arms but I as a parent have a right to ask if those arms are secure and will be locked up and away from my small child.
What’s the alternative here? To not let our kids go to other people’s houses? How are kids going to make new friends? We have to open a respectful dialogue here. And, as I mentioned, it’s not just guns.
Suddenly that Chinese mom is making sense to me. Maybe I should read her book.
@ John — in regards to your “why stop at guns” comment. Personally, I would just stick with the lethal stuff (guns, pools, vicious dogs, etc). My concern is solely the safety and welfare of my child, not his morale whatever you want to call it. I can live with the latter. It’s a lot easier to deal with. The former, not so much.
@lisa — i hear you, and, admittedly, examples weren’t exactly flowing off the top of my head, so some of them were kinda lame, but my point, ultimately was this: there are any number of things that can kill our kids. if you’re going to ask about guns in the manner in which Stuart does (which, again, i personally would not), then you may as well uncover all other potential hazards. the ones you brought up (pools, dogs) were better than mine.
“That Chinese mom,” has a name.
@Mistress_Scorpio. You’re so right. I didn’t have time to google her name at the time — Amy Chua.
I think it’s a perfectly reasonable question. And as your kids gets older, they’re going to have friends and families you don’t know as well. There is a gulf in maturity where kids are exercising their independence with new friends that doesn’t line up with the full ability to judge danger and always make good decisions. The decision to hang out with someone who may not be the right kind of person for you is the kind of appropriate risk you should (I think) allow your kids to experiment with. The curiosity and invulnerability felt by an 11 year old boy or two with access to firearms is an inappropriate level of risk for me.
As for those who see this as an attack on their second amendment rights, get a freaking grip. Your personal well regulated militia (oh, it’s just you? um…) Still, in this example, nobody is trying to take your precious toys out of your “cold dead hands,” they’re just trying to keep their kids safe in line with their own level of comfort, safety and values.
Nah John- I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear- I got your point first time around. But please- don’t give Helicopter Mommies more ideas about what they can grill everyone else about, LOL!
I agree Lisa- and I’d calmly let them know where and how ours are secured. Fair enough question for them to ask.
My son has a couple of friends whose parents have guns, one being a state police officer. I trust them implicitely that their weapons are securely locked up and unreachable to the kids. My son isn’t super close to these kids so I am somewhat relieved he doesn’t spend much time at either place and as they get older I do see differences in the boys where their time together will be less and less. Phew (that’s just how I feel…..)!
Me, personally, don’t really like guns, don’t have any, but respect the right to bear arms. I didn’t ask these people about their guns, but they openly discussed (especially the officer, she is very open to talk about it).
My sister also has a number of guns in her house. When we visit, she takes them apart and stores them in two or three separate locked closets and safes. She shows me where they are and my son doesn’t go to those areas unattended. Lots of checks and balances.
“Rather than conudcitng a morals survey on complete strangers, I prefer to actually get to know people before I leave my children with them overnight, but that’s just me.”
Indeed. If I felt the need to play 20 questions with someone before deeming their house safe enough, then I don’t know them well enough to allow my kid to go over there alone.
I figure it’s none of your business so I’ll just tell you I’m an avid anti-violence type and cannot even stand the thought of guns much less have them anywhere near me. As a matter of fact if you must continue to bring up such horrid subjects perhaps it’s best if you no longer associate with me.
Keeping kids ignorant of subjects is a good way to ensure accidents continue to happen.
Two key points to take away from all this.
First, while it is reasonable and sensible to be concerned about your child’s safety while in other folk’s homes, obsessing only about firearms is a bit foolish and paranoid. Child safety and welfare is the real goal.
Second, while you may choose to not have a firearm in your own home, it’s really not feasible to attempt to isolate a child from any possible encounter with a gun. So, much as you teach them to avoid fire or playing in the street you must prepare them for the chance encounter with a firearm. Excellent age appropriate training exists and IMHO should be mandatory in the public schools, though sadly it is not. There are an estimated 250 to 300 million firearms in private hands in this country and assuming that you can prevent your child from any and all chance encounters with one is wishful thinking of the worst sort.
@Uncle Lar — beautifully put. i’m with you on both accounts.
I don’t quite understand the defensive vibe I’m getting in regard to a parent asking some questions about the home in which their kid is going to spend some time. The author of the article may be over protective but she’s not wrong to inquire about how guns are kept, (or whether there is a fence around the pool for that matter). The whole thing should take a couple of minutes at most. You ask, they answer in the affirmative and let you know how the gun is stored safely. If they can’t say the gun is stored safely you don’t gasp and faint, you suggest that the kids play at your house or reschedule to give them a chance to make other arrangements with the firearm. They have a right to have guns and I have a right to gently inquire about something that is important to my child’s safety.
I would agree that more children should be taught how to use guns but its not just the gun, its the maturity of the person using it. You can teach a 10 year old how to drive, (if they can reach the pedals), but you don’t let them on the road because they aren’t ready to make good choices. That same ten year old may know everything about guns but still wants to show off for a friend.
Also, I’m a little surprised that ‘knowing the parents’ is presented as the cure all for safety. It is good to be close friends with the people watching your kid but that’s not generally feasible when your kid goes to school with twenty other kids and maybe invited home by one or all of them at any given time. So you are polite but you ask.
I’m with you, Fuchiafinn! And I say this as someone who grew up in hunter country, where most of the people I knew owned guns. My parents knew who kept their guns locked up and who didn’t, because they asked. Nobody got angry, nobody got all high-horse on either side, it was just a question. And an important one, because I remember a number of instances from my childhood where kids in my state were injured or killed playing with unsecured firearms. The question may not come up if you don’t live in a place where people regularly keep guns. But if I lived where I grew up, you can bet I would ask, politely. Let’s face it, not even all adults who keep guns for legitimate reasons use them properly. I only have to remember the number of idiots who shot too close to our house during hunting season, even though we had “No Hunting – Residence Nearby” signs posted all over. And the large number of beer cans I would find next to spent shells after the season was over. People can be stupid.
I don’t mind a parent asking me this question. It alerts me to the fact that she knows her kid is likely to go rummaging around in my bedroom, closets, and drawers. This gives me the knowledge to disinvite her child into my home. Why would I allow this kid to invade my privacy?
I think I might ask about guns and swimming pools. If those things are secured in a safe way, I wouldn’t worry too much. I mean, the question about the guns are valid. My parents had guns in our house when I was growing up and they weren’t secured. My husband has 2. The pistol is in a safe, but the shotgun is not, because the safe is small. We will have to come up with a solution for that, actually.
I don’t think it’s an overly invasive question, but I would ask in as friendly a way as I could long before I was dropping a kid off at their house.
If someone had the nerve to ask the question, I would have no qualms about answering “NO”, even though I know it is a lie. It’s none of their business.
This is crazy. I had no idea this would be such a hot button issue. Once my kid is old enough to go to other homes where I may only know the parent socially/not be life long pals, I will certainly ask about potential dangers like guns and dogs and pools, and I will ask about what the kids will be doing when they are there and who will be around while they do those things. If a parent got all huffy about me asking, I’d leave. It’s my job to screen the world for the known dangers for as long as my child is too young to screen on her own. This is not about gun rights, it’s about parents vetting a situation. Stop making it about gun rights and substitute “pool” for guns. Would you want to know if your kid was going to be near a pool? Would you want to know the house rules on the pool use? Yes, and yes.
Think about it another way. You are already relatively homogeneous with the parents/playmate by virtue of having things in common like town and school and socio-economic class and all that. So you are not likely to be sending them to a porn factory or a drug den. But, reasonable people – people just like you – often have guns or big dogs or pools. Having them does not make those people “bad others.” But, having them means they also have another set of rules that you may not have in your house. So you discuss.
Everyone get off your horses and discuss rather than rant!
I grew up a military brat as a child and I can tell you I slept over at many houses where the guns/rifles were visible in the living room; not locked up in any means. Matter of fact, all my friends had weapons in their houses. My friends and I never touched the weapons during our sleep overs. Do I think this parent is crazy? YES. And if she were to ask me this question, I would ask her to leave. If I own weapons isn’t her business. And if I had a weapon I would not disclose the location of that weapon or weapons to her. And if you do not own a weapon and you allow your child to stay at a house that may have a weapon, you may want to rethink that idea. As a child, I noticed the kids MOST interested in guns were those that never seen one before and the ones most likely to want to PLAY with guns. And where did I meet these kids that weren’t military brats? My family (cousins) that were not military brats and it did not matter if they were boys or girls they were all TOO interested in the guns.
I’d tell her I don’t answer questions of that nature and she shouldn’t ask those kinds of questions. It’s nosy and disrespectful. If she’s that worried about her child, she should keep him at home in a panic room.
The attitude of the person asking the question is what determines whether or not it is offensive. I saw the original article and the writer came across as a self righteous, nose in the air snob. If she intends for her child to remain a child for his/her entire life she is off to a good start. I have to wonder if she intends to protecting her child from drowning by refusing to teach him/her to swim and terrifying them of water.
Yes, I do have a gun. It is in a holster on my hip. I am trained to use it. Now you can run along and rest assured that your child is safer from the random violence in the world while he/her is with me then they are with you.
If I ask – without passing judgment, and for the sole purpose of protecting my child – if you have an unsecured gun in the house, and you lie to me because you want to make a political point, and my child is hurt or worse by your gun, so help me god you will regret it for the short amount of time you have left on earth. You don’t have to be conservative to be a Mama Grizzly.
Setting emotion aside, I don’t understand why anyone would be offended by this question. It’s not about morals or politics, but about safety. If a parent reacted with anger to a politely posed question, then they’re too unstable to act in loco parentis whether they have a gun or not!
The first question I would have for anyone asking these questions is have you provided your child with (something equivalent to or better than) the Eddy Eagle firearm safety program for children?
Since some people will not be truthful, while others mayb ome into your (child’s) life without your explicit knowledge, and “lost” firearms can be found anywhere (at least on rare occasions) this is essential training for any child — akin to “Don’t play with matches” and “Don’t stick things in the electric socket”.
Then I would want to know if the questioner actually knows, understand, and can even TEACH the adult rules of firearm safety. Every responsible adult should be able to do this with reference to any outside source.
I’m with Irishcream and Holly… why on earth is it an invasive question? I don’t want to see the gun, touch it, lecture you or call down curses on your head. I just want your word that you have taken the perfectly reasonable precautions that responsible gun owners do. I don’t think less of your kid and I won’t think less of you unless you start having a fit over me actually caring about the potential lethality of the place my kids are going to be playing in. It is not about you, its about my kids’ safety and I repeat, I’m willing to take your word that you have made arrangements.You can inquire about my pool and my pets; do me the courtesy of letting me ask about your firearms.
I really don’t get it people. Kids that know how to use guns are just that: kids. They do impulsive, sometimes silly things and you can’t educate that out of all of them. My kids, your kids, all kids. So as parents we exercise a little due diligence on their behalf, knowing that they are none of them perfect. (That due diligence is made harder by the way, when parents lie to one another. If you are that bothered by the question, please just tell me to leave. I respect gun owners, not liars.)
[If I ask – without passing judgment, and for the sole purpose of protecting my child – if you have an unsecured gun in the house, and you lie to me because you want to make a political point]
How about we lie to you because it is none of your business?
[, and my child is hurt or worse by your gun,]
If your child isn’t the type to snoop around he’ll never, ever be hurt by one of my guns. They don’t jump out of hiding places and shoot themselves, you know.
[ so help me god you will regret it for the short amount of time you have left on earth. You don’t have to be conservative to be a Mama Grizzly. ]
It’s not polite (or wise) to threaten people with death when you know they have guns. eh.
[Setting emotion aside, I don’t understand why anyone would be offended by this question. It’s not about morals or politics, but about safety.]
Yes, many have made the very existence of guns in society all about “morals and politics”. Don’t blame gunowners when there is blowback about this on you.
[If a parent reacted with anger to a politely posed question, then they’re too unstable to act in loco parentis whether they have a gun or not!]
Not all “politely posed questions” are legitimate. I can polite-as-can-be ask a dozen people about a number of issues that are none of my business and probably get my nose smacked by at least eight of them.
[I don’t quite understand the defensive vibe I’m getting in regard to a parent asking some questions about the home in which their kid is going to spend some time.]
And you’ve never, ever seen in the media the overwhelming effort by many to absolutely demonize gun owners? I lost tract this past week of the number of times I heard or saw people say that it was the NRA responsible for the shooting in Tuscon. Yeah… right.
You really think we’re that anxious to give total strangers any info about what, if any, guns we have in the home?
[ The author of the article may be over protective but she’s not wrong to inquire about how guns are kept, (or whether there is a fence around the pool for that matter). ]
When you find congressmen, senators and presidents calling for a ban on swimming pools then get back to us on this one.
[The whole thing should take a couple of minutes at most. You ask, they answer in the affirmative and let you know how the gun is stored safely. If they can’t say the gun is stored safely you don’t gasp and faint, you suggest that the kids play at your house or reschedule to give them a chance to make other arrangements with the firearm. They have a right to have guns and I have a right to gently inquire about something that is important to my child’s safety.]
Here’s the problem. Many people have truly hysterical reactions about guns. The very thought of them sends the people over the deep end. I mean deeeeeep end. You voice a reasonableness that is very lacking in them. And they are legion… not just a tiny few.
Now… when we have someone asking about “guns in the home” — and especially if we don’t know them that well — we have no freaking clue as to whether or not they are going to be reasonable like you… or outright hysterical. The kind of people accussing the NRA of murdering the people in Tuscon.
So tell us…honestly… why do you think that we should tell you the truth. We don’t know you. We have no idea how you are going to react. You could consider us murderers. You could tell us you’ll never, ever let Johnny play there even if the guns are locked into a Ft. Knox safe. You could be the type of people who call the police and tell them we have an arsanal and we are dangerous to society (it happens, really.)
So there it is. If you figure out how to keep a significant, vocal, and influential part of society from demonizing guns and gun owners then you and I might have an honest chat about kids and guns. Until then… it is simply none of your business.
[I would agree that more children should be taught how to use guns but its not just the gun, its the maturity of the person using it. You can teach a 10 year old how to drive, (if they can reach the pedals), but you don’t let them on the road because they aren’t ready to make good choices. That same ten year old may know everything about guns but still wants to show off for a friend.]
Your kid may want to “show off” but mine certainly never did and I trusted them. And I’ll trust you won’t insult me by telling me that I didn’t know my kids, or that all kids do it. Mine didn’t. And most kids of gun owners don’t. 80 million gun owners here… let’s say that 30 million have kids. About 100 kids under 14 die from accidental gun fire each year. That’s ONE KID for every 300,000 homes. That’s not “most”. That’s not even “many.” Or “a lot”. That is a percent that is so small that it approaches zero.
While each one is a tragedy, more kids die from drowing in a five gallon bucket each year.
Funny story I am talking to another parent in my kitchen and she noticed my gun on top of the Fridge. Is that a gun, yes it is, is it loaded, an unloaded gun is useless. She then says I do not want my kid playing here. I explained that if her kid is so ill behaved to drag a chair over to a fridge and get where she obviously is not supposed to snoop she is not welcome at my house. I then asked if she kept household chemicals and or 5 gallon buckets locked up at all times because they accidentally kill more kids than guns. Then again my kids know to not touch my guns unless supervised and if they touch any chemicals in the house they are in trouble. Remember more kids accidentally drown than are shot so why is that not her first question.
You call it “snooping around.” A five-year-old might just call it hide and seek.
My child’s safety is my business, no matter how defensive you may be. End of story.
The author should have raid the comments at the end of the article. The mothers irrational belief that she was doing “everything possible” for the safety of her child was soundly proven wrong. Facts were included in that proof. All that was presented by the other side was emotional bloviating. You may read them for yourself at http://wilton.patch.com/articles/um-can-i-ask-you-a-question
Thinking about this a little more… Let’s try an analogy with something less politically loaded, no pun intended.
Say my child has a serious peanut allergy. Before I could let my child play at your house without me, I would have to ask if you had any peanut products, and if so, would you mind making sure my child could not under any circumstances access them.
Peanuts aren’t illegal, and there’s nothing inherently bad about having them in your house. I don’t think you’re a bad person for having peanuts. I would, however, think you were a bad person if you lied about having peanuts because you thought I was overreacting to the seriousness of peanut allergies.
I get to make the decisions regarding my child’s safety. If you don’t want to answer the question, just say so, but lying about it takes the decision-making out of my hands. I believe I’ve heard complaints along those lines from those who oppose gun control: you don’t want someone else to make a decision for you about something you hold dear.
“You call it “snooping around.” A five-year-old might just call it hide and seek. My child’s safety is my business, no matter how defensive you may be. End of story.”
Thank you for letting us know that your five-year old considers it acceptable to “hide and seek” in the private areas of my home. My privacy is my business, no matter how ill-trained your child may be.
“Thinking about this a little more… Let’s try an analogy with something less politically loaded, no pun intended. Say my child has a serious peanut allergy. ”
The problem, irish, is that there is no peanut lobby trying to take away guns from citizens. There are extremely few people who think that those who eat peanuts are the same as murderers. If you ask me if I have a peanut in my home I am reasonable sure that if I say “yes” you won’t fly in to hysterics.
I am very positive that there are many people who absolutely would if I said that I have a gun in my home, even if they were they ones who asked. I deal with them everyday as it is. I have no interest in being the subject of rumors and fearmongering in the neighborhood for being the “gun guy.”
Until you answer the question of how I would know… in advance… if you’re going to be reasonable about guns… or one of the many that are so emotionally driven to outright lunacy by them… then just don’t expect to get a straight answer.
And… answer the reasonable question of why in the world… for what logically reason… would I show a stranger where and how I securely keep my firearms. Do you show strangers where you keep your jewelry? Or the house money? Does the concept of a “hidden safe” possibly mean anything if every person who has a kid play in my home knows exactly where it is and how it is secured?
I don’t have people stealling my peanuts… do you really want people stealing my guns? Are YOU going to guarantee that every parent I show the HIDDEN safe is going to be as law abiding as YOU.
Ok Mr. Burton, here’s my problem. You take issue with the way that guns are portrayed in the media. Fine. But I’m not sending the media, gun activists or politicians to your house, I’m sending my baby. Whatever issues you have with how the world at large handles the second amendment in the wild expanse beyond your windows are not the deciding factor to me because when we show up at your door I’m not thinking about that, I’m thinking about my kid.
I trust my kids not to go snooping, (partially because they wouldn’t know stealth if they tripped over it). I’m willing to give your kids the benefit of the doubt that they won’t show off. But most of all I have to trust you because you are an adult. I don’t know your kids from Adam, anymore than you know mine, (if I knew them, and you better, I would likely already know you had a gun). You telling me that your 10 year old is trustworthy is all well and good but I repeat: You are are the parent/adult on deck. What is the point of you being there if you aren’t willing to give me even basic reassurance? Also, the fact that more children drown in a bucket of water than die, (what about those who are injured?), in accidental shootings doesn’t really help the ones who do get shot. Again, I respect your right to own guns but I don’t respect your stated desire to lie to me in regards to my child’s safety. Why can’t you just say you aren’t comfortable answering the question and cancel the playdate?
For the record I’m just out to ask the question and get an answer along the lines of “We keep it locked up.” As I’ve said before, I don’t want to touch it, hold it, nothing. I don’t tell people where I keep my valuables but I don’t deny having them either if the situation merits them asking. If the situation does not merit it I ask them why they asked the question. If they persist in an unsatisfactory manner I would ask them to leave.
Do you children know you have guns and if so, do you insist that they tell no one? I am genuinely curious because it seems like yours is a very high strung and unfriendly neighborhood.
Here is a quote from Illinois Congressman Danny Davis:
“”I think guns are made to kill people. That’s my opinion.”
So if the momma asking the question happens to believe the same as Mr. Davis… then, regardless of the way I am securing the firearms, I have just become to her the “killer on the block with guns.”
There was a letter to the editor in the Shore News Today newspaper yesterday decrying gun ownership and stating that there was no “right to own killing machines.”
How are you going to guarantee that the momma asking the question doesn’t feel the same exact way? Do you think I want people going around my kid’s school, or the neighborhood, telling others that I own “killing machines”?
Trust works both ways, you know. And the odds of any kids being hurt in my home by my guns are fantastically smaller than the odds of having a gun-bigot asking that question.
Wow. The vitriol here is pretty crazy.
If it’s your god given, constitutionally protected, morally reasonable right to have a gun, why in the world are you all so incredibly paranoid and offended about being asked about it?
“Ok Mr. Burton, here’s my problem. You take issue with the way that guns are portrayed in the media. Fine. But I’m not sending the media, gun activists or politicians to your house, I’m sending my baby. Whatever issues you have with how the world at large handles the second amendment in the wild expanse beyond your windows are not the deciding factor to me because when we show up at your door I’m not thinking about that, I’m thinking about my kid.”
But your kid doesn’t live in isolation… he lives in the real world. And how do I know you’re not an anti-gun activist… or a gun bigot? Unless you wear a sign… or unless you persuade me otherwise before you even ask the question you still have not broached the issue of why I should trust you. How do I have any knowledge of what you are going to do with the knowledge that I have firearms in my home?
I trusted my kids… I trusted their friends… but I didn’t trust their friend’s friends [because I didn't know them.] I have no reason to trust you… and even less reason to trust your friends… and absolutely no reason to trust their friends. Now, you may claim to the high heavens that YOU AND your friends are trustworthy… but I really have no way of actually knowing that, do I. Or how many of your friends will know that I have guns ten minutes after you drive away. I don’t know how many times I have to repeat this until you understand. I have NO REASON to trust you with that incredibly sensitive information.
” What is the point of you being there if you aren’t willing to give me even basic reassurance? ”
If you ask me if I’ll take care of you kid to the best of my abilities and ensure he doesn’t get hurt I’ll tell you yes. If you don’t believe that, then anything else you ask me is worthless.
“Also, the fact that more children drown in a bucket of water than die, (what about those who are injured?), in accidental shootings doesn’t really help the ones who do get shot. ”
And the ones that are shot are about .0001 percent of homes owning guns. Again, each one is a tragedy, but the same odds are about that he’ll be hit by lighting.
“Again, I respect your right to own guns but I don’t respect your stated desire to lie to me in regards to my child’s safety. Why can’t you just say you aren’t comfortable answering the question and cancel the playdate?”
I don’t have a stated desire to lie to you. Ask me if your kid is safe in my home I’ll happily and honestly tell you yes. Anything else is none of your business. And I am not the one anyway, who said that I would lie. I said that I would disinvite your kid over to the home based upon your admitting to me about his potentially snoopy habits.
“For the record I’m just out to ask the question and get an answer along the lines of “We keep it locked up.”” As I’ve said before, I don’t want to touch it, hold it, nothing.”
The OP wanted to see where and how the firearms are locked up.
“I don’t tell people where I keep my valuables but I don’t deny having them either if the situation merits them asking. If the situation does not merit it I ask them why they asked the question. If they persist in an unsatisfactory manner I would ask them to leave.”
You’ve got me truely curious on this one. What possible “merit” could someone have in asking where you keep your jewelry.
“Do you children know you have guns and if so, do you insist that they tell no one? I am genuinely curious because it seems like yours is a very high strung and unfriendly neighborhood.”
The children knew and no, I never insisted on anything. They were aware it was family business and that was sufficient. They were also quite well-trained on gun safety and how to use it if and when it was necessary.
Our neighborhood is like any other neighborhood. But you’re beginning to prove my point. I have said nothing about my neighborhood, or the reason why I have guns, or anything else about my personal life. But… knowing the ONLY thing you know about me is that I own guns you immediately jump to the conclusion (seems like) about my neighborhood being ” very high strung and unfriendly.”
“Wow. The vitriol here is pretty crazy. If it’s your god given, constitutionally protected, morally reasonable right to have a gun, why in the world are you all so incredibly paranoid and offended about being asked about it?”
This is as fine of an example of why some people should not be told about firearms as I can imagine. Starting from the false accusation of “vitriol” to the slander of ” incredibly paranoid” this poster would be the last person who knows if I have a firearm in my home. Irish, you really, really think this person deserves to know the secrets of my home?
You make it sound as if the ‘anti-gun’ lobby that is apparently ready to home in on your house. Seriously, every reasonable attempt I can come up with to ask the question in a polite manner is met with a host of implications regarding the quality of how other people’s children have been raised as well as the stated fear of some sort of attack from those who don’t like guns. You’re right, you didn’t say you’d lie outright. You call each accidental death a tragedy and you say you would disinvite the visiting kids in question which seems like the best option if you are that offended by the question. I’m willing to believe you are a reasonable person to talk to in person but I have to say, in this thread the reasonable parts get drowned out by a lot of anger directed at the possibility that someone is going to think less of you or rob you if you admit to gun ownership. You also live in the real world, a place where other parents are generally not out to get you and asking if you have a gun is another way to ask if my kid will be safe in your care.
To be fair, there are not a lot of situations in which someone could inquire about my jewelry without freaking me out. Then again, I’ve never heard of a kid doing themselves in with jewelry so I wouldn’t expect the question would come up often.
I said that your neighborhood seemed high strung and unfriendly based on what I got from you. If you are worried about becoming the “gun guy” or the “killer on the block with guns” then your neighbors sound very paranoid. I’m never meant to imply that you were unsound in some way, only that if you don’t trust them or the parents you may encounter during playdates to not call the police and report you then it must be an unfriendly place. I don’t doubt that it has happened but I would have to know the facts of the case before I decided who, if anyone, was in the wrong. That being said, Considering the number of gun owners I would think that you have less chance of being treated badly than you seem to think.
“You make it sound as if the ‘anti-gun’ lobby that is apparently ready to home in on your house. ”
Due to the nature of my work I communicate quite frequently with pro-2nd Amendment groups on a regular basis. Many well-known groups are clients of mine. I hear stories quite often of misguided anti-gun people who have attempted to make it difficult for gun owners in the community. I’ve also personally received death threats here at my home over my activism in the 2nd Amendment rights fight. I’d just rather not take the chance. I know the possibilities and potentials.
“Seriously, every reasonable attempt I can come up with to ask the question in a polite manner is met with a host of implications regarding the quality of how other people’s children have been raised as well as the stated fear of some sort of attack from those who don’t like guns. ”
Everytime I have raised the reasonable issue in a polite manner of a kid wandering thru my home getting into things he shouldn’t is met with disbelief from mothers who say their kids couldn’t possibly do such a thing even though they were the ones who need to know if things are “secured” in my home. And you still have not answered how I know that YOU are not one of those very real people who really, really don’t like guns. Why not? Can’t?
“You’re right, you didn’t say you’d lie outright.”
So why not ask questions that don’t invite lies? Why not ask, “is my kid safe in your home?” And leave it at that. It covers EVERYTHING.
“You call each accidental death a tragedy and you say you would disinvite the visiting kids in question which seems like the best option if you are that offended by the question.”
I’m not offended by the question. The parent just gave me valuable, need-to-know info about their child. That’s important and I thank them for it.
“I’m willing to believe you are a reasonable person to talk to in person but I have to say, in this thread the reasonable parts get drowned out by a lot of anger directed at the possibility that someone is going to think less of you or rob you if you admit to gun ownership. ”
Now, see, here you go again. You know nothing about me and yet you declare me as “angry.” I have not said an “angry” word in this thread and you can’t find one. Snarky, sarcastic… okay… I’ll give you those… but your declaration that I am “angry” with no cause again leads me to mistrust you with any real info about me if you were in the neighborhood.
“You also live in the real world, a place where other parents are generally not out to get you and asking if you have a gun is another way to ask if my kid will be safe in your care.”
You can’t speak for other parents, now can you? You can only speak for yourself. How other parents would react to me owning a gun is a mystery to you. But I have seen enough “real world” experience to know that it is not all pleasant and “oh how nice.” And if you want to know if you kid is safe in my care, ask it this way, “Is my kid safe in your care?”
“I said that your neighborhood seemed high strung and unfriendly based on what I got from you.”
As I said… jump to the worst conclusions. Andyou want me to trust you with extremely private info?
” If you are worried about becoming the “gun guy” or the “killer on the block with guns” then your neighbors sound very paranoid.”
No… just very liberal… although I suppose an argument could be made for paranoid now that I think of it.
” I’m never meant to imply that you were unsound in some way, only that if you don’t trust them or the parents you may encounter during playdates to not call the police and report you then it must be an unfriendly place.”
They are very friendly… as long as you’re not a Republican or conservative… and you think just like them. That’s why they get annoyed when I am out in the drive washing the car with Rush Limbaugh blasting on the radio.
“I don’t doubt that it has happened but I would have to know the facts of the case before I decided who, if anyone, was in the wrong. That being said, Considering the number of gun owners I would think that you have less chance of being treated badly than you seem to think.”
But neither one of us knows that in advance, do we. And I have asked repeatedly about why I should trust someone with that very personal knowledge if I don’t know and you have yet to answer.
But I’ll admit that you’ve been a much higher quality poster than normally hangs out and discusses guns. Many of them by now would be using very bad language.
But here’s another question I’d really like answered. I understand completely your desire to protect kids… I raised three now that I would have done anything to keep safe…and the next generation is coming up. I know what you fundamentally want and it is very legitimate. But you have barely, grudgingly acknowledged that I have a legitimate right to privacy and that my desire is no less valid than yours. Why is that?
Asked this once of a close relative, and found out they had a shotgun under a mattress – not locked. I never would have known if I hadn’t asked, and no, my son is not familiar with guns and might have found this one interesting, if he had ever come across it. And yes, he was sometimes in that room.
Sounds like you might want to get you kids into a gun safety class.
I understand that many people are demonized, unfairly, simply for owning guns. I do support some gun control measures, but I don’t have a knee-jerk reaction to gun ownership. I grew up in Vermont, which has a liberal reputation that scares some people, but also has a lot of folks who make it through the winter on the deer they kill. You can’t tell by looking at me, but I would hope by the time our kids are friends, we might have had enough interactions that you could at least tell I’m not a busybody or a rumormonger.
“I don’t have a stated desire to lie to you… And I am not the one anyway, who said that I would lie.”
Your earlier quotes beg to differ:
“How about we lie to you because it is none of your business?”
“So tell us…honestly… why do you think that we should tell you the truth.”
“…just don’t expect to get a straight answer.”
Let’s get this straight: I don’t want to see your gun(s). I’m not asking where they are secured. If you feel that during the course of our earlier interactions, you haven’t gotten to know me well enough to trust me with personal information, you are free to refuse to answer, or to disinvite my child. Just. Don’t. Lie.
Here ya go, irish. Just yesterday on national TV Michael Moore, the hero to many people, basically came out and said if you own a gun its because you’re a racist who is scared a black person is going to break into your house and kill you. And ~this~ is going to encourage gun owners to tell a total stranger whether or not we own a gun?
http://blog.eyeblast.tv/2011/01/michael-moore-people-own-guns-because-they’re-racists/
[I understand that many people are demonized, unfairly, simply for owning guns. I do support some gun control measures, but I don’t have a knee-jerk reaction to gun ownership.]
And you still have not given me any reason why I would know this in advance.
[. You can’t tell by looking at me, but I would hope by the time our kids are friends, we might have had enough interactions that you could at least tell I’m not a busybody or a rumormonger.]
Our kids met this morning in the first day of third grade. Just how well do you think they know one another?
[Your earlier quotes beg to differ:
“How about we lie to you because it is none of your business?”
“So tell us…honestly… why do you think that we should tell you the truth.”
“…just don’t expect to get a straight answer.”]
That’s why I was using the “we.” I was speaking for many gunowners who, yes, would lie to you. I don’t have to.
[Let’s get this straight: I don’t want to see your gun(s). I’m not asking where they are secured. If you feel that during the course of our earlier interactions, you haven’t gotten to know me well enough to trust me with personal information, you are free to refuse to answer, or to disinvite my child. Just. Don’t. Lie.]
Just.Ask.If.Your.Kid.Will.Be.Safe.In.My.Home. That covers everything.
Here’s a letter in yesterdays paper from Myrna Loehrlein, president of League of Women Voters of Iowa. It says it for me. How do I know you’re not a member of the LWV? They consider themselves pretty mainstream…
“Guns are dangerous. Guns bring a threat to community health. Members of our community deserve to have their health safeguarded. The League of Women Voters of Iowa supports the right of citizens to live in an environment in which known health hazards are recognized and eliminated or, at least, minimized. We look to our legislators to do all they can to eliminate the known, preventable, serious health risks that guns bring to our community. The league urges all citizens to remind their government representatives that each citizen has a right to live in the healthiest reasonable community environment. Guns are a health hazard that can be eliminated. It is time to take action.”
Do you really, really think this person deserves to know if I have guns in my home? Or anyone connected with her group? Or anyone who thinks as she does? If she wants to walk around with a big GB (gun bigot) sign tattooed on her forehead it will give us gunowners a clue, eh.
Here a column from a newspaper in CT… do you think I would want this person to know if I have guns in the home?
“I would not only refuse to recommend anybody for a gun permit, but I would try my best to discourage them from having anything to do with guns — especially hand guns. Hunters aside, I cannot for the life of me understand why anybody would want — or need — a gun. Guns kill. It’s just that simple.”
Explain to me why and how I know in advance that you are different from this person. He thinks I want to gun to kill people. And ~this~ is the type of person you believe has has a “right” to know what I have in my home?
We’re in agreement on this point, Jack! I can see why that would frustrate you.
Let me remind you, though: in the scenario we’ve been discussing, I’m not a total stranger. I’m a fellow parent who, if our kids are close friends, hopefully you’ve gotten to know a little bit.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to be on the receiving end of anti-gun vitriol. Whatever the issue, would-be zealots are often stopped short by finding out that someone they like and respect holds a different view. If you come off as a reasonable, well-liked guy, you might be pleasantly surprised by the effect you would have by being open about your gun ownership.
Here’s the deal… if we are in the slightest bit “friends” and you ask that question it clues me into the concept that you are probably not that personally familiar with firearms. I’ve taught many absolute beginnners to shoot, and quite of few of them have been women.
At that point I’d probably be asking you to bring the family (depending upon ages) and come out to the range with me for a time of learning gun safety. In all the years of doing it I’ve never once had anyone have anything but a good time with lots of fun, and many of those started with sour attitudes about guns. Quite of few of them have turned into shooters themselves.
My pride and joy are two young brothers in their mid-teens that never touched a gun before. They loved it so much they later became Army Rangers and served in Afaghanstand in the midst of really hot action. Today they are married and very highly respected members of their communities. I like to take a very teeny tiny bit of credit for that.
And I am the most reasonable guy a person could know.
This article seeks to legitimize paranoia.
If you’re worried about the safety of your kid, the first question to ask is, “You don’t have a CAR do you?” THIRTY TIMES as many kids die in car accidents than in gun accidents.
The next question could be about swimming pools, or fire… Here’s a good one -
“You don’t have FIRE at your home, do you? We only eat cold food at our house because fire is more likely to kill my little darling than any gun.”
Let’s not forget poisons, plastic wrap, and that all-too-common death machine: The Bicycle!
According to the CDC, in 2007, the last year for which statistics are available, a total of 65 children ages 14 and under were “accidentally” killed by firearms.
Gary Kleck is a Professor at Florida State University College of Criminology (and a card-carrying member of the ACLU). His research indicates that many of these “accidental” shootings are cases of child abuse gone to fatal conclusion. In those cases, parents shoot their own kids then claim that the kid “accidentally” shot himself.
To quote Kleck, “A 1976 National Survey found that 3% of children had, in the previous year, had guns or knives (the two are combined in the source) actually used on them by their parents, according to the parents’ own admissions.” – Point Blank, Kleck, 1991, p. 276.
With a population of 61,294,588, 65 deaths is just shy of one-in-a-million.
But 3% (one in 33) of the population of 0-14 year olds is 1,838,837. How hard is it for even the most ignorant gun-hater to recognize that out of nearly 2 million cases, most of the 65 cases termed “accidental” were actually killings by abusive parents?
And while we’re at it, Hey MOM! You don’t have any KNIVES in your OWN home do you? After all, parents use guns or knives on their own kids more than TWENTY-EIGHT THOUSAND TIMES more often than kids are accidentlly killed by guns. YOU are a more likely danger to your own son than is the average gun.
Let’s do the numbers. Among 0-14 year olds, in accidental deaths:
1960 died in autos
1210 suffocated
739 drowned
512 were killed while just walking around (pedestrian accidents)
457 burned
134 were poisoned
94 died on bicycles
92 died in falls
72 died due to natural/environmental causes.
65 died due to accidental gunshot wounds
Source: http://webappa.cdc.gov/sasweb/ncipc/mortrate10_sy.html
I recognize that for many women, facts mean little compared to “feelings”. To those who DO think, please use the above information to crush the paranoid morons are every opportunity.
Here is my answer to why I can’t assure you that I am not one of those anti-gun nuts. You won’t believe me. I have not once questioned your rights or your intentions except in regard to whether or not you would lie. I have said that I don’t need to see that gun and I am willing to take you at your word. If that doesn’t convince you that I bear you no ill will, I don’t know what would. As for your right to privacy I didn’t think I was grudging about acknowledging it, I sorry if it seemed that way. But please understand, I am judging your right to privacy against my child’s safety. I make every allowance I can in regard to your desire to be private and I fully support your right to tell me to leave if you feel I am being nosy. I don’t want to know about your religion, politics, eating habits or anything of the like. I only want to know if the weaponry is secure.
Mr. Burton I cannot offer you complete assurance on how every single parent you meet is going to act. I wish I could, but I can’t. For the record you cannot offer me complete assurance that every gun owner is as responsible as you are. That real world you mentioned? It makes it impossible for me to know that I’m dealing with a responsible gun owner vs. someone who leaves guns on the bathroom counter unless I ask.
I am sorry to hear that you have received threats and been met with anything less than civil behavior. It would have been helpful to know that earlier since it would have changed the way I approached your responses. I understand that you are a private person, (may I suggest a handle on the internet instead of your name? Then again I dimly remember that the character in 24 shares your name so maybe you’ve already got that covered), but without that information I was at sea as to the seriousness of your worries.
I have noticed that your posts have a tendency to discount the worries/experiences of myself and Irishcream while at the same time insisting that your experiences be given full merit, (for instance you are sure that only children who are badly behaved would find a gun in a home but discount outright that the children who live in the home may display it to friends which, in my experience, has happened). Why is that?
That seems like a fair response; anyone could benefit from knowing more about gun safety. I’ve never been interested in hunting, but target practice could be a lot of fun.
I think we’d all hope that others would give us the benefit of the doubt: you don’t want people to assume you’re violent or racist based on your gun ownership, and I don’t want to be branded as paranoid or nosy based on my basic safety concerns. At the end of the day we’re both parents who want our kids to be safe.
[Here is my answer to why I can’t assure you that I am not one of those anti-gun nuts. You won’t believe me.]
And if you simply ask me “is my child safe in your home” and I answer “yes” will you believe ME.
” I have not once questioned your rights or your intentions except in regard to whether or not you would lie. I have said that I don’t need to see that gun and I am willing to take you at your word. If that doesn’t convince you that I bear you no ill will, I don’t know what would.”
These are all “after the fact” statements, eh. Really. You’ve typed a nice long, reasonable explanation of why I can trust you but honestly, are you going to cover all of these trustworthy points BEFORE you ask about a gun in the home. I don’t think so. All I know is that you are bringing your kid over to play and you suddenly ask about my guns. That’s it. You’ve read those posts that I put up from the gun-bigots… and you’ve still never answered the basic question… how do I know AT THE TIME you are asking the question that you are not the exact same as them?
[ As for your right to privacy I didn’t think I was grudging about acknowledging it, I sorry if it seemed that way. But please understand, I am judging your right to privacy against my child’s safety. I make every allowance I can in regard to your desire to be private and I fully support your right to tell me to leave if you feel I am being nosy. I don’t want to know about your religion, politics, eating habits or anything of the like. I only want to know if the weaponry is secure.]
Then why not simply ask “is my kid safe in your home?” That covers EVERYTHING. Swimming pools… rat poison… unprotected stairwells… older, bullying kids… and even guns. Less than .001 percent of homes with guns have an accidental shooting. That is one hundredth of one percent…. yet your focus is on asking about my guns…. not whether or not your kid is “safe.”
[Mr. Burton I cannot offer you complete assurance on how every single parent you meet is going to act. I wish I could, but I can’t. For the record you cannot offer me complete assurance that every gun owner is as responsible as you are. That real world you mentioned? It makes it impossible for me to know that I’m dealing with a responsible gun owner vs. someone who leaves guns on the bathroom counter unless I ask.]
How about someone who leaves rat poison in the kitchen? Curious about that?
[I am sorry to hear that you have received threats and been met with anything less than civil behavior. It would have been helpful to know that earlier since it would have changed the way I approached your responses. I understand that you are a private person, (may I suggest a handle on the internet instead of your name? Then again I dimly remember that the character in 24 shares your name so maybe you’ve already got that covered), but without that information I was at sea as to the seriousness of your worries.]
Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol’ storm right square in the eye and he says, “Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.”
[I have noticed that your posts have a tendency to discount the worries/experiences of myself and Irishcream while at the same time insisting that your experiences be given full merit, (for instance you are sure that only children who are badly behaved would find a gun in a home but discount outright that the children who live in the home may display it to friends which, in my experience, has happened). Why is that?]
Perhaps you should reread my post at 1:13 am last night. And I discount any question about my kids because I know my kids. I know who they are and what they are capable of doing… and willing to do. They know my expectations of them. And since only one hundredth of one percent of homes have an accidental shooting I would quite accurately say that the vast majority of kids who live in homes with guns are just like mine. What was the figure I gave last night… one accidental shooting for every 300,000 thousand homes with guns. Your kid would have to visit, on average, 300,000 homes WITH GUNS in them to come to any harm. That’s quite a social life.
[At the end of the day we’re both parents who want our kids to be safe.]
Then simply state to the parent, “look, I’m slightly paranoid about the safety of my kid. I’m sure you’ll understand… many of us are. I would just like reassurance that my son will be safe in your home and you don’t do things like leave rat poison out, or swimming pool covers off, or guns laying on the sofa or anything like that.”
Can you see that that is much better, much more polite, and much less intrusive than blatantly asking, “do you have guns in the home.” And it gets you all the info that you need, and much more besides. You’ve just taken the step to develope a friendship… not to hold an interrogation.
Ok, I’ve thought about it and Mr. Burton, you have a point. The best question to ask may be if the child will be safe, full stop. I have deep misgivings about that but I will not shy away from admitting it.
I’m not sure it’s fair for gun owners (and yes, we have 2 guns in our house) to expect that every single person they come into contact with, even children, will have taken firearm safety classes. As far as you know, the little kid staying over in your house may have never actually laid eyes on a gun before (and little kids with access to guns love to show them off to kids who don’t, although I’m sure all of your kids are far too well trained to ever do something like that). I’m not saying guns are evil and wrong. I would tell people that we had guns if they asked, and tell them in what way they were secured, or not secured. It’s a bit like offering someone a ride in your car. If your seatbelts don’t function, that’s a heads-up kinda thing to tell them. I mean, you can also point out your amazing driving skills, wonderful insurance and the fact that you have never been in an accident, but some disclosure only seems fair.