Hey Kid, Open Your D*$M Present
Part of being a parent is attending a LOT of kiddie birthday parties. And when I tell you things have changed, I don’t just mean the size of the affairs.
When did kids stop opening presents during their parties?
Because save for the random “no gifts please” party, presents still reign supreme for little kids. But at the bulk of parties I’ve attended with my daughter, I’ve noticed a big part of the day is missing.
We arrive, we hand over the gifts, and then. . . nothing. There’s no opening ceremonies. No thanking the gift giver. No chance for said giver to see the child’s reaction. And, more importantly, no chance for my kid to see how that all too important act of giving results in making someone else happy.
That’s why I’ve always rolled my eyes at the “no gifts please” parties. I honestly LIKE giving gifts to kids, seeing their eyes light up at the “monster truck, just like I always wanted” or the bedtime story “that mommy will read me tonight!” I’ve made it a point to involve my daughter in our present picking, so she too can experience what it’s like to choose a gift that she knows one of her friends will really like. That extends to the card, on which she always colors a picture (in lieu of the signature which is currently a work in progress). An only child, this is one of the ways she learns about sharing.
I won’t lie. It isn’t just the valuable lesson for my daughter I’m mourning here. As the parent shelling out the bucks, I’d like to get a little thank you from your kid, and that grin upon opening goes a long way toward making us adults feel a little better about the frequent spending on other people’s kids.
So what gives? Do you have your kids open the presents during their party or wait for family time down the line?
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I find the public opening of presents to be crass. It also raises the possibility of competition in gift giving.
If you aren’t opening the presents before the giver, the appropriate way to thank him is to send a thank you note. A young child can contribute a drawing and sign her name to the card.
Why bring up that your child is an only child? You are always so keen to make it clear that you made this choice and think it best for your family. (And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having only one child.) But it is not anyone else’s job to set up situations where your daughter learns to share. That’s your job, not the responsibility of other families celebrating their child’s birthday.
When my oldest turned one we had a big party and everyone brought lots of gifts. My son opened a few at the party, but really showed no interest at the gifts. It was his birthday, so I wasn’t going to make him do it, and let him open the gifts at his own pace.
It took two weeks. My grandmother-in-law called every day to see if Eli had opened her gift yet. We haven’t had many parties since then.
But my kids go to a lot of parties. DVD-exchange parties (in lieu of gifts) are popular around here, as well as “no present” parties. The few occasions my kids have actually been permitted to bring gifts, they were disappointed when they didn’t see their friends open them.
JJ – I don’t expect everyone else to provide lessons for her because she’s an only child. I expect people to show a little class and help other kids experience the joy of giving not just receiving. Bringing up her only child status isn’t ramming it down people’s throats, it’s anecdotal.
KM – totally with you on the one-year-old not opening gifts. Very young children don’t really “get” it anyway. The parties I’m referring to were for older kids – four, five . . .
I don’t like having under 4′s opening gifts at parties. It’s boring and/or excruciating for the other kids and I would rather have my little person say “Hey, I already have this! or “I don’t like purple” In the privacy of my own home instead of in front of the gift giver. After 4, they seem more capable of saying “thank you!”
We always sent thank you notes and now that the older is a little older it can be a lot of fun for all the attendees and the birthday kid.
We have the kids open the gifts during the party. I put a lot of effort in to birthday gifts and I like to know if the child liked it. I figure that others do the same. Especially for grandparents who have traveled to come to the party.
The thing that drives me nutty is the announcements during the gift opening from adults, “I put the gift receipt in the box if she doesn’t like it.” Like I’m going to yell out in response, “Thanks. Cause this gift blows.” Do it in private or put it in the card.
We don’t open gifts at my son’s birthday party. He has Sensory Processing Disorder and it’s just too much for him to handle.
I too find it strange and a bit annoying when the presents go unopened…. There is something really lovely about kids getting excited about the recipient opening the special present they either made, helped to pick out, helped wrap, etc that is taken away…..I was at a friend’s party recently who I think did a great job with the whole present thing, as each guest came she let her son open their present and thank them…. It was nice for the people on both sides- he got to open each one, and connect the gift with the giver.
A few years back, I attended a party for a 2-year-old with about thirty people, most of who brought multiple gifts. This little girl LOVED opening presents, which was adorable, but it also took her about five minutes per gift, and then she’d want to spend time with each new toy, take it out of its case, etc. The gift-opening was stretching towards the third hour when I finally slipped out the back door and made a dash for it.
I have no problem with gift-opening not being part of the party. It’s not much fun for the other little ones, especially when it drags on endlessly. So long as they send a thank-you note, I’m happy.
I have never been to a no present party nor have I ever been to a party where the kid does not open the presents. How are kids supposed to learn to be tactful. I talk to my kids before their birthday about present opening manners. So what if a kid says they already have it? Adults need to be able to understand that kids say whatever they are thinking. Parents can use that time to teach their kids what is appropriate to say.
I have my kids open their presents while the other partiers are eating cake. Two birds, one stone.
I don’t like public opening of the gift. “No gift please” is a perfect party for us or ‘please donate to a charity”.
my daughter has only had one birthday party, and i have only been to one birthday party (besides hers) so far. both were obviously first birthdays, and we did presents at both. my cousins daughter did help open most of the presents, but at my daughters birthday party I ended up opening all of her presents because she had no intrest in them what-so-ever. and i felt sort of awkward sitting there opening presents that were not really for me. However i never knew there was an option to not open presents. i have never been to a party where presents were given, and not opened in front of everyone. but i am defiently not going to have her open her presents at the party this year.
We opened presents at my daughters’ 1st & 2nd birthday parties, it was NOT FUN. Basically, my husband & I opened then (quickly at the 2nd to avoid a meltdown) & then we thanked everyone. I’m seriously considering skipping it at her 3rd. Or at least having family who we will either see before or after the party not bringing gifts to the party itself & having her open them when we see them later.
I think it also depends on the amount of children/presents at the party. Nobody wants to sit around for an hour watching a child open present after present. Eventually the other children get bored or jealous & the parents start to feel like the event is greedy. In my opinon, presents should only take as long as it does to eat cake & ice cream (30 minutes at the most).
I wouldn’t allow my child to open presents in front of a crowd until she can reliably produce a thank you and a credible fake smile, because regrettably, what other people think she wants and what she actually wants are not always in sync. The other thing to consider is that while it’s very sweet of people to give gifts they think are wonderful, the thrilling game of today is the basketful of gnawed, stickerless, unidentifiable plastic bits of tomorrow, and frankly I’d rather edit those sorts of things out before they make it to my kid. Not sure why is this is seen as lacking class — I have plenty of class: working class.