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Worst Movies for Moms

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  • Worst Movies for Moms 1 of 12

    Worst Movies for Moms: 10 flicks I can’t watch now that I’m a parent Forget parental advisories for kids — some movies should come with warnings for parents! Kidnapping. Car accidents. Evil nannies. These films take all those worst-case scenarios that run through the back of every parent’s mind and magnify them by ten, with some dramatic music for good measure. What movies am I referring to? Oh, just 10 films that make me want to duct-tape my kids to their cribs until they’re 30. Consider yourself warned.

  • Taken 2 of 12
    Retired CIA agent Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) lets his daughter go to Paris with a friend, where she is promptly kidnapped and forced into the life of a sex slave. If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you are not afraid of someone kidnapping your kid (much less forcing her into sex slavery) you probably have no soul (or you don't have the same hang-ups as I do — same thing). While parent-saving-kid movies can be cathartic, save yourself from this one, lest you want to follow your kid from here to eternity with mace and shotgun in hand.
  • Roots 3 of 12
    What's worse that watching a scene where an evil man rips a mother away from her child? Watching that scene repeated over and over and over in one of the longest most excruciatingly painful movies for parents anywhere. But this isn't the only reason why Roots should be left off your Netflix queue, no. The point at which this film will actually cause you to have war-like flashbacks or PTSD is the childbirth scene. Even women dedicated to natural childbirth will be clamoring for an epidural just to get through.
  • Dumbo 4 of 12
    Oh sure, it's a cartoon made for kids, but do not be fooled by the stamp of Disney — this movie is to moms what "Where The Red Fern Grows" is to dog lovers. Ridiculed for his big ears, Dumbo is taken away from his mom and has to learn to live life on his own. Insert knife in heart. Though the premise might be okay for some tough moms to handle, I challenge anyone to watch the scene where Dumbo's mom sings him the lullaby "Baby Mine" without weeping in agony. And that added bonus of endemic racism? A kick in your mommy jeans when you're already down.
  • Children of Men 5 of 12
    Every pregnant woman who's shopped at a Wal-Mart already fears strangers grabbing for her stomach. But what if you were the only pregnant woman in the world and everyone is so baby crazy, even the snotty girl at Starbucks (the one who refused to sell you coffee the last time) wanted to kiss your fat belly every time you walked in? Not afraid yet? What about giving birth in the middle of a war where people are fighting over YOUR BABY'S LIFE? *Cue scary music.* Essentially, this movie should be retitled "Every Pregnant Woman's Nightmare."
  • Rosemarys Baby 6 of 12
    You already suspect your mother-in-law has sinister designs on your child — that's not irrational in the slightest. But take that fear and think about the possibility of her being in cahoots with your neighbors, friends and that nice clerk at the deli across the street. Now imagine that this baby isn't even yours (you don't even remember the night he was conceived) but the spawn of Satan. Freaked out yet? The final scene, where the neighbors gather around the baby with a baby-eating look in their eyes will leave you catatonic, rocking yourself in the corner of the nursery.
  • What Dreams May Come 7 of 12
    Let's be straight here — no one should watch this movie. Ever. Beyond the forced acting, improbable scenarios, and ridiculous schmaltz, it's particularly bad for parents. In the first few minutes of the film, two kids are killed in a car accident. Then the dad dies. And then the mom commits suicide. But the pain is not over. Oh no. It's just getting started.
  • Flightplan 8 of 12
    As if flying with a kid wasn't bad enough, try flying with a kid and a coffin. And where is your husband? At home playing PS3? No, he's dead. Welcome to Flightplan. As it turns out, wrangling the coffin holding your dead husband isn't the hardest part of the trip; it's forcing everyone to believe that you actually had a kid. Although at no point does Kyle Pratt (Jodi Foster) rip down her pants and show everyone her stretch marks (which is what I would have done). This movie layers fears of flying with fears of kidnapping to make this one big, fear-mongering sandwich.
  • Where Angels Fear to Tread 9 of 12
    Based on a gut-wrenching EM Forester novel, this movie should be titled "Victorians Hate Babies" because, judging by this movie, they do. In fact, I'd be hard pressed to find someone who actually likes the baby in this movie, except for the mom, and wouldn't you know it? She dies leaving the child in the middle of a bitter custody battle. When you aren't shaking your fists and screaming, "WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE BABEH?" you'll be haunted by the final scene where the baby screams silently, and no one pays any attention. I would continue, but writing that last sentence made me need to mainline Xanax.
  • The Forgotten 10 of 12
    What if your kid died and, as you were processing the grief, everyone told you your child never existed to begin with? All your stretch marks and saggy boobs account for nothing. You're just a little cray-cray and everyone's really condescending about it. That's the golden premise behind The Forgotten, a one-way ticket to crazytown. And it's not just any horrible kidnap situation, the people who have your kids? ALIENS. Also scary: Julianne Moore's mom sweater, which she wears the whole movie. Low blow, Hollywood.
  • Hand That Rocks the Cradle 11 of 12
    Julianne Moore makes another appearance in a movie that should be on every mom's do-not-watch list. I could go on and on about the sexual assault by the doctor, the violence towards women, the cheating husband, the references to dead babies, but I'll skip all of that and simply tell you the main reason you shouldn't watch this movie: the evil nanny (Rebecca De Mornay) breast feeds someone else's baby and not in a benevolent wet nurse kind of way, but in an evil usurping kind of way. There are recovery groups for women trying to forget they watched this movie. As if finding a sitter wasn't hard enough.
  • Worst Movies for Moms 12 of 12
    Worst Movies for Moms: 10 flicks I can’t watch now that I’m a parent

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