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"I Tried Childproofing My Home, But They Keep Getting In."

I recently viewed this short video with tips on babyproofing your kitchen so it’s safe for toddlers yet still aesthetically pleasing. The expert in the video recommends putting those little plastic latches on the inside of your cabinets so as not to create the ugly eyesore of a big white lock on the outside. I wonder if the expert has kids? Or has ever been around kids? Or knows anything about kids?

I know, firsthand, that it takes an average of three tries before a toddler figures out how to depress those little childproof latches on a cabinet. There are other options out there for locking your cabinets.  One that I had in my old house was a sturdy lock that could only be opened with a strong magnet.  I thought it was great!  Until my child found the hidden magnet and lost it, but not before using it to turn the TV all sorts of pretty rainbow colors.

As a mom to six kids, I’m a self-proclaimed expert, not when it comes to child-proofing, but when it comes to realizing that kids are capable of more than we give them credit for.  I know that a child will find the hidden scissors and give himself a haircut before he’s five years old. I know that it doesn’t matter one little bit if you have an art easel set up for your toddler; the walls are much more enticing and that’s where the marker will be applied. Nail polish will be spilled on new carpet, yogurt will be smeared on the TV, the refrigerator will be scaled to reach the cookies on top, and fragile keepsakes will be broken. It happens.

Now, I’m not saying that childproofing is pointless. It’s important to take measures to keep your child safe from dangerous situations. But it’s also important to understand that you can’t keep children out of every little thing in your house. Keep potential poisons locked up, but understand that crayon may end up on your wall at some point. Take measures to ensure your child won’t fall out a window, but relax and accept the fact that your kindergartener will likely be sporting a self-inflicted, chopped hairdo right before school picture day.  Buckle up your child’s car seat, but don’t go insane trying to childproof every inch of your house despite the fact there are a million and one childproofing items out there designed to do just that – make you crazy.  Know that there’s a fine line between trying to keep your kids safe and being that parent.

Here are a few of the more ridiculous child safety items I’ve seen.


  • TOILET LOCKS 1 of 9
    TOILET LOCKS
    If I'd installed toilet locks, I would've missed out on not only seeing my kids play in the toilet, but stopping to take a picture of them doing so. What? It's clean water!
  • COFFEE TABLE PADS 2 of 9
    COFFEE TABLE PADS
    If these pads actually stay on the table once your toddler figures out they're removable, they don't really provide the necessary cushioning when your child sprints through the house and takes a header into the table.
  • CABINET LOCKS 3 of 9
    CABINET LOCKS
    Here are those ridiculously easy-to-figure-out cabinet locks in the video. By all means, keep dangerous substances locked up, but for the love of chocolate, please use something that actually keeps kids out.
  • BATH THERMOMETER 4 of 9
    BATH THERMOMETER
    This is to make sure the bath water isn't too hot. How ever did generations of parents manage to avoid scalding their children without this ingenious device? Oh yeah, we used our hands to FEEL the water first.
  • BATHTUB HANDLE 5 of 9
    BATHTUB HANDLE
    This is a fabulous item. You know, for senior citizens.
  • BABY HELMET 6 of 9
    BABY HELMET
    Uh yeah. I really have no words for this one. Oh wait, yes I do - insane!
  • OUTLET COVERS 7 of 9
    OUTLET COVERS
    I think outlet covers are a good investment to ensure your child's safety, but I can't believe this particular kind is still around. I think a squirrel could figure out how to remove these and they don't even have opposable thumbs!
  • KNEE PADS 8 of 9
    KNEE PADS
    For real? People, stop trying to make sure your child never gets so much as a scrape or bruise. It's not normal! Let them be kids!
  • USE COMMON SENSE 9 of 9
    USE COMMON SENSE
    In the end, take precautions to keep your children safe. But don't make yourself crazy trying to protect your children and your house from every possible threat, real or imagined.

Images: One Step Ahead, iStockPhoto

A little too obsessed with the details?  You might be a Momzilla!

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