Looking back, I remember very badly wanting a boyfriend in the third grade, so it didn’t surprise me when I came across this list on The Huffington Post, authored by sisters Blaire and Brooke ages 6 and 9, of “boyfriend rules” for their future beaus. (Based, according to their mother, on boyfriend characters from Disney movies and shows like Shake it Up.)
What did surprise me was how precocious some of their requirements are, like “has a good job” and “respects you.” I approached prospective relationships with nowhere near the same level of maturity at that age. Case-in-point: When my third-grade crush, a curly-haired boy named Frank, somehow managed to wear a hole at the tip of his sneaker one morning, I spent the rest of the school day rubbing my shoe against any prickly surface I could find until I, too, had a hole there … just like him! In my misguided little 8-year-old mind, I thought Frank would notice my heroic gesture and, I dunno, propose marriage or something.
No such luck. By the time the final school bell rang, my shoe was broken — and so was my heart.
So while I’m taking this little trip down memory lane, allow me to channel my 8-year-old self and list what MY rules for a boyfriend would have been back then. If I flatter myself, I suppose I can draw comparisons between some of the rules listed by ahead-of-their time authors Blaire and Brooke and the ones desired by little ’80s era me … check it out:
What they said: “Good manners.”
What I wanted: Share and share alike is good manners, right? If the teacher hands out heart-shaped erasers on Valentine’s Day and you get a pink one while I get a white one, you give me your pink one.
What they said: “Has a good job.”
What I wanted: If your “job” in gym class is team captain, you always pick me for your team right away.
What they said: “Takes care of body.”
What I wanted: Will feign bodily harm for my benefit. For instance, if you’re not a team captain and I’m in danger of being picked last in gym class, you fake a horrible tummy ache and force the gym teacher to abandon the day’s planned game before I’m left standing by myself on the verge of tears.
What they said: “No kissing on the first date.”
What I wanted: Lots of hand-holding, especially when it’s time to buddy up and walk down the hallway and no one else wants to hold my hand because it’s clammy.
What they said: “Smart”
What I wanted: Smart enough to avoid a sore-loser tantrum by yours truly by letting me win at Nintendo.
What they said: “Don’t pick your nose.”
What I wanted: Picking your nose is fine — just don’t wipe it on me.
What they said: “Marry someone who respects you.”
What I wanted: If I rip a hole in my shoe right after you’ve ripped a hole in your shoe, you smile, give me a thumbs-up and say “Cool!” And then you propose marriage.
See Blaire and Brooke’s complete list of “Boyfriend Rules” here:
Can you channel your 8-year-old self? Were you as mature as Blaire and Brooke? What would your rules have been?
Photos courtesy of Gabrielle Daniels.
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