I’m Totally a Penis Mom. Then Again, Shouldn’t All Moms Be?
OK, maybe I can't chunk a pumpkin (whatever that is), but mostly because I'm lazy, not weak
I’m hardly a hardcore feminist. I wear a bra. I shave my legs. I enjoy having a door held for me on occasion (some of those suckers can be heavy).
But I don’t appreciate when the same opportunities available to men are not available to me. I don’t consider myself weaker either figuratively or literally (except when it comes to some of those damn doors).
Which is why I particularly enjoyed Karen Mangiacotti’s essay over at The Huffington Post. But it also got me all kinds of irritated.
She received an email from her 13-year-old’s teacher late last year about needing parent volunteers for some physics project called pumpkin chunkin’ (yeah, I have no idea what that is, either).
Here was the rub: The email called for dads. Specifically, strong dads.
So Karen sat down and replied to everyone on the email:
Dear teachers and parents:
Are you guys seriously only asking for Dads?
Is lifting done with a penis?
Thoughtfully yours,
- Karen
Surprisingly (or not?), instead of a flood of support for her calling out the antiquated notion that only dads are strong, she was chastised by administrators and other parents on the email for her potty mouth (it remains unclear if her kid goes to the same school as the Ingalls family sent their kids).
Karen writes:
Parents were horrified. Who knew this might happen? Not us. OK, we probably knew — but seriously? Asking exclusively for dads to help is offensive on so many levels to me. I am freakishly strong and could mount a trébuchet with the best of them . . . As someone who was a single mom for a good long time, I take issue with the assumption that every home has a dad to contribute. But most of all, I resent the message we are giving to our daughters that because of their gender, they are unwelcome to participate in physical tasks — that they are not strong enough and that only a man qualifies. I resent the message to all our children that we judge the value of contribution based on sex and not competence. What the hell year is this? I better double-check that. Still 2011.
As Karen points out in her essay, it’s inappropriate to use the word “penis” but it’s appropriate to “send socially regressive requests out that diminish our girl’s sense of worth?”
Maybe it’s because I grew up in a progressive home in a liberal area. And I now live somewhere similarly progressive. Or maybe it’s because it’s not 1952. But really, People at Karen’s Kid’s School? I mean, come on.
Moms can lift. Moms can use the words penis. We just can. Let’s move on. Or better yet, let’s move forward. And fast. Because I assumed we were already there, but it turns out, we have some serious catching up to do.
Are you a Penis Mom, too?
Image: Wikipedia
Oh sweet Jesus! You certain types bitch about moms having to do EVERYTHING and not including dads, and now when they do, you bitch about that, too. The “strong dads” thing was a hook. You wanna participate? Go for it. She may not have penis, but it does sound like she has a stick up her ass. (By the way, I am not offended at all about her using the word “penis.”)
Just as a thought – I think the majority of parent volunteers at school are moms, and maybe this teacher was trying to encourage the fathers to come into the classroom – that this would be a comfortable space where they would be celebrated for joining in, not judged for not coming more often. (I love volunteering at my kid’s school, but I rarely – if ever – see the dads there too. I know that someone has to work, etc.) I would have been startled to see Karen’s email, but considering that it was addressed to parents, it would hardly have been offensive. But if Karen had an issue, it would have been best to just email the teacher privately and let the teacher decide how to rephrase things for the group.
Meredith. If you really care about gender equality, why did you open with that tired old stereotype of feminists as women who don’t wear bras or shave their legs? Seriously. It made me realize that you don’t actually know what feminism is. And therefore it is that much harder to take you seriously when you try to write about it.
@Michelle — This is a piece talking about men doing heavy lifting, which is a stereotype even older than shaving and bras. I’m abundantly confident in my role as a woman and what I expect in terms of gender equality. Talking about bras and shaving in relation to other stereotypes doesn’t make me insecure about how I come across to others, but I appreciate that you read the piece and took the time to comment.
I am totally equal in my role as a partner in my marriage. However, my husband weights almost 80 pounds more than I. I defer ALL heavy lifting to him. He defers all computer issues and repairs to me
You know what? Men CAN lift more than women. I actually lift weights, but my husband can still lift more than me. Get over it.
Oh yes, let’s crap all over a teacher trying to get some actual real live men to influence little children. 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Children are growing up without fathers because women want it that way. Far be it from teachers, who are actually doing most of the “raising” to realize that, hey, men are important.
Women suck. They really do.
@Andrea, if the only way to get men involved in their children’s education is to appeal to their supposed desire to lift heavy stuff, then it is men who suck.
This is the dumbest thing I’ve read today. No where did they say mom’s weren’t welcome. What the hell does that even mean-penis mom? My husband and I are equals, as are most of my friends and their husbands, but for whatever reason women seem to be always way more involved at school. Kudos to the teacher for giving Dad’s a way to get involved where they feel comfortable and can get used to helping in school, and help more in the future.
While I didn’t find the teacher’s inital email offensive or ill intentioned, I did fine the mom’s response hilarious and I can’t believe she’s being hand slapped for using the word “penis.” For me, the biggest lesson learned from this is to always blind copy on group emails.
Okay, while I agree with the sentiment of the mom’s email, I do think it was poor taste to refer to genitalia in a mass reply. She could have made the exact same point in a more appropriate way had she said something along the lines of “Does it require a Y chromosome to lift a pumpkin?” Whatever happened to basic civility and common courtesy in this country?
“Whatever happened to basic civility and common courtesy in this country?” Says the woman who referred to another Strollerderby a blogger a “slut” mere days ago and compared said blogger’s sex life to “raw sewage.”
penis is not a dirty word. it’s the correct term for a part of the body. i do think, however, that the initial email’s intent was reasonable. i’m quite sure that if a strong mother asked to participate, she would be included. upper body strength is generally higher in men, and this is a biological fact. doesn’t mean all men are strong and all women are weak, but i wouldn’t call it sexist.
It’s totally sexist, and I can’t believe that anyone would argue otherwise. I’m also disappointed that the author of the post chose to call out a person who agrees with the post rather than the people who seem to think that sexism is no big deal.
okay, so i’m reconsidering my position. i think if the email was specifically targeting dads and trying to get father participation, it’s not sexist. if the email was specifically targeting men, it is sexist. yes, the wording of the email wasn’t ideal (using words like strength — when emails to mothers would not be similarly worded), but i don’t think it’s a problem to try to increase father participation in a school event. the mother who emailed should not have been criticized, and the school should have told her that of course mothers can participate if they want, sorry for implying otherwise.
I’m with Linda T.O.O. – the intial request from the teacher didn’t rub me the wrong way, but the response was hilarious. I am kind of surprised people got their underwear in a bunch over “penis” being in an e-mail in 2012. I can see how that request could be seen as hurtful if you were a really physically strong woman, a single woman, or as a women in a same-sex relationship. I think the correct response from the school after all of the pearl-clutching was over would have been to correct the e-mail to “strong parents”.
Meredith,
I for one LOVE the blog. Apparently some people need to lighten up! Thanks for the smile
I don’t think the teacher was saying men are the only ones able to participate, but it would have been nice for her to have just said strong moms and dads. Not because of feminism but because plenty of children I have gone to school with have lost their moms or dads. So parents/guardians would probably even work better. Instead of arguing about feminism maybe we should think about kids feeling left out if they don’t currently have their father/mother?
I understand the idea behind inviting anyone who is willing to do heavy lifting to help, though while “penis” is not a bad word, I do agree that it was out of place to throw genitalia into the arguement. It was obviously added for shock value and your friend shouldn’t be surprised when other people were shocked and offended by the inclusion.
I sure am! My three year old son refers to me as “Mr. mom”, it’s so cute. I have learned though that many Americans still have the 1950s mind set. It still to this day blows my mind. If you are single, in your 30s and have a child most people will pity you. Some people are single by choice and wouldn’t change their single status for all the so called marital bliss in the world. Thank God we are all different and don’t fit into the cookie cutter stereo type! : )
First, I AM a hardcore feminist who shaves her legs and wears a bra. I even wear dresses and high heals!! I like having the door held for me as much as I like holding it for someone else. It’s common courtesy. Second, I do find the teacher’s email offensive. To exclude inviting women from a physical task seems archaic to me. I lift weights at the gym every week. I’m not saying most men aren’t stronger, but I can hold my own and feel proud about that. Third, I LOVE Karen’s response. It was hilarious. Good for her. I mean, come on. She didn’t say dick or cock. Fourth, I think in order to “move on” we all need to stop perpetuating stereotypes. This includes the idea that women can’t lift heavy objects AND the idea that hardcore feminists are hairy-legged, free-boobing ladies. -Deidre (a 33 year old, happily married, mother of twins, and teacher)
I have no problem with the word penis, however I think the outrage at the initial email from the school is over the top, penis or no penis. If you are going to pick your battles, at least pick a real one. Also, my husband weighs practically 100lbs more than me! He is physically stronger, and thats just how it is. And he loves to lift shit for no reason. He would be all over this.
Diane talks about her life as an actress, interwoven between the loves of her life, Woody Allan, Al Pacino and Warren Beatty. She never married because it seems her loves were not interested in marriage at the time when she was with them. As time went on and films come and go, and her dad dies, she decides she needs to take risks.