Previous Post Next Post


Brought to you by

Is it Ever OK to Read Your Partner's Texts and Emails?

By Lori Garcia |

As I stare into a computer monitor decorated with password-bearing Post-It notes, I’m alerted to a text from my non-password protected phone. In case there was ever any doubt, I don’t care about protecting my personal correspondence.

With three emails addresses and countless social media accounts open at all times, my utter indifference toward private communication seems to work for me. That’s not to say this lazy approach to privacy works for everyone. Case in point, my husband. He’s an alphanumeric/special character password kinda guy who religiously logs out of social media accounts and would never, ever dream of a password Post-It disgracing his monitor.

Is that to say he’s up to no good? No. Just because he’s got nothing to hide, doesn’t mean he’s an open book and I can respect that. In turn, just because I’m too lazy to ever log out of anything doesn’t imply an invitation by default.

Look, I’ve been cheated on in the past. I totally understand the gravitational pull to read a partner’s personal texts and emails, particularly when they’re guarded, giving off mixed signals, or acting suspiciously – but do those behaviors warrant a breach of personal privacy?

In a recent article on The Frisky, author Rachel Kramer Bussel strongly advises against snooping on a partner’s emails or texts, saying, “If there’s something I want them to know, I’ll tell them, and, I would hope, vice versa. I believe privacy is important in relationships; that’s not to say you can’t express curiosity or doubt or suspicion if that’s what you’re feeling.” Exactly. If you have reason to be doubtful or insecure about your relationship, you’d be far better to address your concerns outright before stooping to seedy investigative methods.

Daily Mail’s Samantha Brick feels differently, claiming her husband’s emails, voicemails and texts are as much her business as they are his and admittedly checks them daily. Apparently Brick believes the monitoring of her husband’s correspondence protects her marriage from ill-intentioned she-devils. That hardly sounds healthy to me. Where is fundamental trust Brick should have in her husband to handle his personal correspondence in a way that honors his personal integrity?

While I appreciate self-preservation against suckerdom, if you suspect your partner is cheating or engaged in an emotional affair, snooping where you don’t belong is not only dangerous, it’s damaging to the very trust your relationship needs to survive.

Is it ever OK to read your partner’s emails and text messages?

Get your daily dose of Mommyfriend here where nothing is sacred.
Follow Mommyfriend on the Facebook and the Twitter too!

More on Strollerderby:

6 Simple Ways to Boost Confidence in Your Relationship

12 Signs Your Husband is Cheating

12 Signs You’re Having an Emotional Affair

More on Babble

About Lori Garcia


Lori Garcia

Lori Garcia is a writer and mother of two living and loving in Southern California. When she's not fussing with her bangs, you can find her shaking her groove thing on her personal blog, Mommyfriend where she almost never combines true tales of motherhood and mayhem with her degree in child development. Read bio and latest posts → Read Lori's latest posts →

« Go back to Mom

Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment. Comments, together with personal information accompanying them, may be used on and other Babble media platforms. Learn More.

0 thoughts on “Is it Ever OK to Read Your Partner's Texts and Emails?

  1. neal says:

    My wife and I don’t have those cheesy e-mails that some people have that combine their names like “” or “SmithFamily@whatever.” But we’ve always shared e-mails because there’ve been times when we needed some info but didn’t have access to the internet. Maybe this is merely a comment that outs us as technological dinosaurs. We still don’t have smart phones or data plans.
    But even independent of that, we check each other’s e-mails, especially with her checking mine, because I’m just forgetful. The number of appointments or bills I miss is drastically decreased by having a second set of eyes to look at them, and I like it that way. I can’t really think of things that I really wouldn’t want her to see, except every once in a while a gift purchase receipt or something.
    Curious if others are like us.

  2. mommyfriend says:

    Neal, it sounds like you both agree on your approach to privacy that works for both of you. It’s not rooted in distrust, but rather practicality.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *.

Previous Post Next Post