YourTango offers readers three ways to feel like they’re having an affair – with their partner. Here are their ideas, along with my thoughts:
1.) Plan a secret rendezvous.
YourTango’s expert Tammy Nelson says, “Tell your partner you’ll meet him in the bedroom and wait for him under the sheets … naked.”
That sounds a little tame to me. “Hey honey, I’ll be where I always am every night sleeping naked as usual. This time you can try touching me if you want.” If you’re really trying to shake up a dull routine by making it feel like you’re having an affair (and you’ve got a little money to burn), why not truly plan a secret rendezvous? Email or text each other a hotel address (in town or out of town) where you’ll meet and travel there separately so it feels like you’ve escaped the world to meet each other. Make it sexy!
2.) Make love in a strange, dirty place.
YourTango says, “Find a location that neither of you would ever dream of having sex. Find a really dark, dank local pub and drag him into the stall of the men’s restroom. Do it in your parents’ bed. (Maybe a little too weird, I know). The point is to find someplace that at first glance appears to have an “ick” factor.”
Hahahaha. Though the idea of having sex in your parents’ bed probably does carry some ick factor, who hasn’t done that – simply out of necessity when visiting or as a teen or something? Right? Am I the only person who’s ever had sex in her parents’ bed? Okay, maybe now I do feel like it’s a dirty place. But anyway … a pub bathroom is maybe hot but also maybe gross. Why not try the great outdoors instead? I mean not in a way that’s going to get you arrested – and please, not in a public pool while kids are swimming in it – but if you have a back yard, use it! (I’ve made out in my parents’ back yard, too! So there!)
3.) Surprise each other with something totally new.
YourTango says, “Surprise your partner with something that’s totally different and share it with him/her as a gift. Take turns picking out that “something new” every week. Try fruit as a sex toy or dress up as the opposite sex and explore what that feels like, at least once.” They add, “It doesn’t have to be complicated.” Ha!
Fruit as a sex toy sounds like the worst kind of complicated to me. Why do people ever think about putting food near their sex parts? I mean for the good lord’s sake, didn’t everyone grow up with some kind of urban/suburban/rural legend about a girl getting a hot dog stuck in her vagina? Please. Also, be careful about “surprising” your partner with a new “technique,” especially if it involves a hole you haven’t visited much on the course. You might want to yell “fore” during foreplay.
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