Not long ago it was brought to my attention that the world is ending. On December 21, 2012 to be exact. This morning as I drove my daughter to school I got to thinking about my marriage. While I adore my husband my focus hasn’t been on him lately, instead it has been on my girls. The fact that they continue to grow at an alarming rate, my Little Miss eight and my Littlest Miss already almost four months old, causes me to be consumed with wanting to be with them. I find myself chasing memories and desperately trying to make new ones. If my husband comes along for the ride that’s wonderful because, much like them he’s easy on the eyes and has left an imprint in my heart but, I don’t find myself focusing on he and I the way I should.
I asked myself if I would change anything about my marriage if I knew when my last day would be. How would I love him differently? For starters I would hold my his hand more often. I remember when we were dating how my stomach would swell with butterflies whenever he was near, whenever he so much as reached for my hand. I wouldn’t turn my head away when he lean over to give me a kiss in the morning even if he hadn’t brushed his teeth. I would spend more nights falling asleep in his arms, bake him his favorite cookies more frequently, and write him more love letters. I would insist on kissing him goodbye each time he walked out the house and I would sit with him and watch his favorite television shows because what mattered most was simply being with him. I would be slower to anger or become annoyed; the crumbs on the counter being small price to pay in exchange for more time with him.
I would do my best to show him that he is a priority and while I adore our children our family wouldn’t be what it is without him. I would remind him that I need him, perhaps more than ever. I would laugh at more of his jokes and I wouldn’t scrunch my face because he made chicken again on his night to cook. I would spend more time smiling and less time worried about all the things that could go wrong. Instead, I would spend more time focusing on all of the things that have gone right.
I am grateful for my husband not just because he keeps his promises but because he has loved me enough – enough to keep fighting for us, our family, and for me. Enough to reach down and pull me up when I have fallen, enough to wrap his arms around me and let me know that I will be ok – that I am not broken, I am human and I am his – flaws and all.
I could keep listing reasons as to why I thank God that this is the man that took the time to learn my heart’s song and that his arms have been a safe place for me and our children but I won’t. Instead, I will acknowledge that there are some things that need to change. I’m not talking drastic changes. I mean small ones, like allowing him to see my eyes light up when he smiles at me and saying “thank you” when he tells me I am beautiful and maybe even wearing the shoes he bought me for my birthday.
If I knew that 12/21/12 would be my last day with my husband, I most certainly would love him differently. I would catapult him to the top of my priority list and I would love him better. By better, I mean with the same passion that fueled the love I had for him years ago when my heart ached over the fact that it was possible that our relationship had ran its course and, the same passion that caused me to weep as I wrote my wedding vows because I knew that God didn’t just give me what I wanted He gave me what I needed and also what my child needed. And with that, He gave me a chance to experience a selfless kind of love.
While it is very likely that come 12/22/12 the world will still be spinning, might I remind you that as the saying goes “tomorrow is not promised.” Each day we get another chance to love is worthy of us loving with everything in us, after all it is possible that we won’t get a chance to start over or do better tomorrow.
So perhaps the best thing to do is to start loving differently today. My children are my world but my husband, he’s my world too.
If you knew the world was ending would you love any differently?
Photo Source: My Instagram
Read more from Krishann on her personal blog His Mrs. Her Mr. Krishann is also a contributor for The Conversation and The Conscious Perspective. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
More from Krishann on Mom: