MomGyver Moments: Every Mama Has A StoryMonica Bielanko
We’ve all been there. Kid loads his pants while you’re at a wedding and you forgot to bring a spare diaper so you resort to Maxi pads and duct tape as a back-up. Costume tears during your little ballerina’s big show and you rig up some sort paper clipped together ensemble.
You are MomGyver.
My own MomGyver moment occurred just a few weeks ago although it didn’t involve children. It involved a chest rapidly filling with milk and no child around to alleviate the pressure. Suddenly, while en route to the dentist, I became a milk sprinkler with no nursing pad at hand.
What’s a mom to do?
Here’s a paragraph from a post on my personal blog entitled “I’ll Shoot Yer Eye Out“:
I keep searching for something, anything to stop the milk hemorrhage. At the next traffic light I dig into the diaper bag we keep in the car. Please let there be a diaper, please let there be a diaper. Bingo! One left. I try to tear it in half so I can stuff each portion in my bra but holy shit have you ever tried to tear a diaper? They don’t tear. Oh, I’m positive it would tear right in half if your kid shit hard enough, that’s just the way the universe works. But have two boobs firehosing the inside of your shirt and desperately try to rip those diaper bitches and you will be sorely disappointed.
It was then that I spot Violet’s pink bunny rabbit lying on the floor of the car and I had an epiphany. I crammed the diaper (luckily it was one of Henry’s tiny newborn sizes) as best it would fit into one bra cup and jammed one of Violet’s bunny’s big, cloth ears inside the other bra cup.
There I am cruising, a diaper lumped under my shirt and a rather large pink bunny dangling by his ear, hanging out the bottom of my shirt. But hey! The diaper and ear were absorbing the milk! Success. Now I needed to get these wet nipples dry before the dentist gets a gander. Even though they can’t see my get-up, it’s tough to keep a straight face when I happen to catch the eye of fellow motorists.
There was one time that I used about 3 maxi pads and some duct tape to fashion a diaper. And I used the undershirt (just a plain white t-shirt, and some duct tape to make a onsie for my daughter when she was a baby………….she had a massive blow out and I had ‘just left for 15 minutes to pick up something from the grocery store’. Famous last words, right?
And this one:
Mommy, I feel sick!” in heavy traffic. Without missing a beat, I shouted to the back of the minivan for the beach bag, wrestled out the Frisbee, held it under the sick kid’s chin in the backseat, balanced the mess behind my back till the next light when I could get it into a plastic grocery bag, tied it off and made it to the nearest gas station without mishap.
I super glued a cut so we could stay at the park longer.
So what’s your best MomGyver Moment?
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