More Nagging Might Mean Less Lovemaking

Feeling like a broken record?

Oh no he didn’t! Yes, girlfriend. He did. Your husband accused you of nagging. And how dare he. I mean all you wanted was for him to remember to take out the trash because it’s overflowing and to actually eat with a plate. I mean, who does that any way? Apparently everyone except husbands, so it seems. But if your husband is anything like my husband, he doesn’t call you a nag or say “stop nagging.” Nope. Instead when you tell him what he should do he plays the mom card. “Thanks mom.” Burn. My husband has a mom. He knows that and I know that but nothing gets under my skin more than when he looks at me and says “Thanks mom” or “ok mom.” Actually there are a few things that also get under my skin but for now I will stick to this.

The funny thing is I do it too. My husband comes home and comes into the bedroom and observes me feverishly typing because by some miracle our littlest one decided to fall asleep. For real, this time, not that 15 minute counterfeit nap thing she does throughout the day. He scans the room and then asks, “What did you do today?” Come on, I think to myself. You know what I did today. You read my blog posts every day and you follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter not to mention I am always texting you to tell you about all the cute things our baby is doing these days. Sure, I didn’t do the dishes yet, but our baby has done tummy time and spent hours cooing while I sing to her. Oh and don’t forget those chunky cheeks that you love kissing are brought to you by my breast milk and I have yet to figure out how to nurse and simultaneously fold laundry or load the dishwasher.

I tell him I have been working and taking care of our baby. The same thing I do everyday since giving birth and being on maternity leave from work. “You should go take a shower.” “You should go for a walk.” A stream of “You should” do this and that comes spewing from his mouth. And I get it; I said I was reclaiming my sexiness and a shower always sounds nice, but I’m busy at the moment. Not to mention, there is something about him starting his suggestions with “You should” that makes me feel like he’s nagging. Oh I should huh? “Thanks dad” I tell him or “I already have a dad” and proceed to remind him of my father’s name.

My husband means well. He isn’t trying to be my father. He is trying to be my partner and he wants to look out for me. His “shoulds” are his way of doing that. My “shoulds” are often designed to make my life easier or less stressful in my eyes. And his too. But when we are voicing our suggestions over and over they start to sound like nagging rather than attempts to help each other.

Interestingly enough, more than half of the respondents in a recent survey by Your Tango see nagging as a problem in their relationship.  And in not-so-shocking related news, nagging impacts ones sex life too. We talked about angry sex and most of us ladies are quick to say that we aren’t giving our husband any loving if we’re mad. Well ladies, more men than women reported that nagging results in “less frequent and  less” satisfying sex, so in the end while we are refusing to give it up, they may not even want it in the first place if we’ve been nagging.

So why do we nag anyway? Mostly because we are frustrated and we want something, whether it is more time with our spouse or a floor free of crumbs. I don’t know any woman who enjoys telling their spouse the same thing over and over again. This week is “nag-free” week. To read more of the study be sure to visit Your Tango.

Do you nag and if so why? And as for us saying things “over and over” do you think its effective or are we just wasting our breath?

My husband always tells me it isn’t what I say it is how I say it. So if I ask him nicely, and just one time, to use a plate when eating crumb coffee cake (crumbs hello) do you think he’ll do it or will he just eat it quickly because that will alleviate the need for a plate all together?

 

Photo Source: iStockphoto

 

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