Mother's Choice Vs. Grandparents' Rights?Monica Bielanko
Let’s say you have been estranged from your parents for five years. Let’s say you get pregnant and, for whatever reason, decide to put your baby up for adoption. Dad isn’t in the picture. Your parents decide they want your baby.
Do they have rights to the baby since you don’t want to keep the child and they are biologically related?
That’s the scenario at the heart of a debate going on in the forums over on Cafe Mom.
A woman posted the following about a woman she knows who is putting her baby up for adoption:
There’s a woman who’s been estranged from her parents for about 5 years. They never really got along, then there was a big fight and the daughter decided to cut them off. 5 years later she becomes pregnant and decides to give the baby up for adoption. Her parents get wind of it and ask to adopt the baby themselves. The daughter adamantly refuses so her parents are forced to take her to court to fight her for the right to adopt their grandson. What do you think the judge should decide?
This one is a no-brainer to me. Mom’s choice is paramount. If she doesn’t want her parents to adopt her baby then they shouldn’t. End of story.When I voted in the poll on Cafe Mom I was shocked to see the results after nearly 1,500 votes.
Should grandparents be given the right to adopt their biological grandson?
57% – “No, Even though she’s giving him up for adoption, she still has say over where he goes.”
42% – Yes, the mom doesn’t want him and they do.
A lot of commenters say learning the reason why the woman has been estranged from her parents is a strong factor in what their decision would be. The woman who posted the dilemma says the pregnant woman “was a wild child and her parents were very straight laced (Straight laced = Goes to Church every Sunday, doesn’t approve of tattoos, piercings, drinking, smoking, premarital sex, ect.) They didn’t like a lot of her choices, which led to a lot of fights then eventually she just stopped talking to them.”
I don’t think it matters why she’s estranged, only that she doesn’t want her parents raising the kid.
Here are some of the comments after the poll that sum up most opinions:
There is a preference under the law to place children with their biological family. If it is in the child’s best interest to be with the grandparents, and Mom doesn’t want or can’t care for the child, then the placement is proper.
The G-Parents have no say and they do not get to DEMAND the “RIGHT” to adopt her baby.
I’m wondering if the Mother’s concern might be that at some point in time, she may reconcile with her parents and she would then see this child she had given up for adoption? Somehow, I can understand that better.
What about you? What are your thoughts?
Photo credit: kapitall.com