Cop’s Wife, who blogs at Nerdy Apple Bottom, has written a post called “My Son Is Gay.”
First line? “Or he’s not.”
Whatever he is, she doesn’t care. The kid is 5. It’s nobody’s business.
It’s especially not the business of the moms who, at her son’s preschool, cornered her and criticized her for letting him go as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween. First, several moms failed to hide their shock and dismay in front of the boy — who feared that morning that he was going to get laughed at. (Funny thing, he thought the criticism was going to come from other kids!).
Next, the moms lectured Cop’s Wife about how she shouldn’t — and can’t — let her son dress up like a girl in the future. It’s bad enough that she allowed it to happen in pre-school.
The underlying worry, of course, is that she’s allowing him to be or turn out gay without putting up any kind of fight. Cop’s Wife says, so what. What is there to fight? She writes:
If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.
She points out that no one cares if girls go as Batman. Or wear overalls. Or role play the father. But if a boy goes as Daphne, likes tights and insists on acting like a girl, it gets attention. Brings up questions. Provokes concern (or “concern”).
What’s especially sad is that her son, at 5, knew there’d be trouble if he dressed like a girl. But why, why we have to ask, is that trouble coming from adults? From the other mothers?
If moms aren’t OK with allowing kids to be who they are — whether that’s gay or straight-but-Daphne-loving — what are the chances their kids will be? If moms can stand in front of a boy in his costume, mouths agape and fingers wagging and judgment-o-meters off the charts, what makes us think their kids won’t? Because they will.
And then what? More bullying? More school dropouts? More depression? More suicides?
A 5-year-old shouldn’t have to be brave for Halloween, Cop’s Wife writes. And it’s true. A 5-year-old should only be worried about maximizing candy intake — not how his costume bothers his friends’ moms.
Also, Cop’s Wife? Her son? They’re awesome.
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