New Kids on the Block: Where is Today's Version?John Cave Osborne
Did you happen to catch New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys last night on Dancing with the Stars? Well, I didn’t (as if I’d admit it), but I got an email from an old friend of mine today who did. Back in the day, she was about the biggest NKOTB fan ever. And in her email, she went on and on about how great it was to see her middle-school crushes perform now that she’s all grown up.
No doubt, last night’s NKOTB / BSB performance was a nostalgic event to at least a generation and a half of women across the country, as virtually all of them have a soft spot for the boy band they grew up with. Which got me wondering one simple thing: how come my 9-year-old daughter isn’t all into boy bands?
After all, the genre’s sugar-coated, bubble gum pop might be annoying, but I’d sure rather hear my little girl singing: I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me than Sun-kissed skin so hot, we’ll melt your popsicle. (Call me old fashioned by I prefer that my 9-year-old steer clear of veiled fellatio references, thank you very much.)
So why doesn’t she like any boy bands, I wondered as I finished my friends email. This, of course, got me thinking of boy bands in general, and I began to rattle off the list of ones that I knew of. (Incidentally, I’ve already called the authorities and informed them of this exercise. Accordingly, I’ll be handing in my man-card by no later than 5:00 this afternoon.)
I suppose the Jackson Five started it all, only to be followed by such acts as NKOTB, BSB, New Edition (holla at your boy, Bobby Brown), Menudo, N’Sync, 98 degrees, Farenheit (why 98 degrees and Farenheit never toured together is beyond me) and, of course, who could ever forget Hanson (where’s the love, y’all?), the biggest thing to come out of the state of Oklahoma since the movie Twister?
Yet all of these bands have one thing in common. They’re not active today. Well, some are, but their members are no longer boys, (though, admittedly, I’m not even sure that all of them are men) so my daughter can’t exactly follow them.
But my, oh my, how much easier things would be if she could. At least from a wholesome lyric standpoint.
WAIT. WAIT. I forgot one! Jonas Brothers to the rescue.
Sorry guys, I gotta hop real quick. Need to scurry off to the store and buy a bunch of Jo Bro paraphernalia. They might be my last hope. When it comes to winning my daughter over? I sure hope that they have, um, the right stuff.