Nooooooo: Worldwide Bacon Shortage 'Unavoidable,' Says Trade GroupJoslyn Gray
In yet more evidence that the Mayans were so freaking right about the end of days coming, a worldwide shortage of bacon and other delicious pork products is now “unavoidable” according to a British trade group.
Please note that I have absolutely no plans to contribute to this problem by hoarding bacon in my freezer. Nope, no plans like that at all.
The UK’s National Pork Association (slogan: “YES! YES! YES! to British Pork!”) blames the shortage, predicted to befall us all by 2013, on the global failure of soy and corn crops. In a press release, the organization states that “pig farmers have been plunged into loss by high pig-feed costs.”
In the U.S., pork supply soared to a record last month, rising 31% to 580.8 million pounds at the end of August from a year earlier, reports the Los Angeles Times. But don’t get to comfy: that increase is because farmers are culling their herds, as feeding the animals has become increasingly expensive.
Drought conditions have affected corn production so much in the U.S. that the National Pork Board (slogan: “Pork: Be Inspired”) has compiled resources for farmers under the heading “Drought 2012“. In August, a bipartisan group of senators asked the Environmental Protection Agency to waive the federal mandate requiring corn-ethanol to be blended into gasoline, thus saving the corn for feeding animals, said the National Pork Producers Council (slogan: “we’re staying away from slogans now that we’re being sued over that whole ‘Pork: The Other White Meat’ thing”).
Here are some steps you may want to consider taking:
- Hoard bacon. But don’t tell anyone, or else everyone’s going to hoard bacon. Shh. It’ll be our little secret.
- I advise getting a padlock for your chest freezer, because otherwise neighborhood kids will be stealing bacon out of your garage soon. Also: You should tell me the combination for the lock.
- Get a pet pig, but don’t name it, because that’s just going to make it more difficult when the times comes to…you know.
- Build some sort of Little House on the Prairie-style smokehouse to cure your own bacon. Tip: nickname your youngest kid Half-Pint, homeschool her so that she’ll be available to keep that smoky fire going with green wood chips all day. Another tip: Prolly want to check on your town’s regulations regarding homemade backyard smokehouses.
- Go vegan and switch to “meatless bacon-style strips” (slogan: “smells vaguely like bacon but tastes even worse than you think it will”). Bwahahahahahaha. Just kidding.
Good luck out there, bacon lovers.
(via: Los Angeles Times)
(Photo Credit: iStockphoto)