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Oh, Dear God, NO: Postcoital Pictures are Now Happening in a Wedding Album Near You

Man with kisses on his face

It's so much worse than this, people

Remember that wedding we were all at? You remember the one — when the bride and groom exchanged vows and then kissed like no one was watching? But not in a passionately romantic Ryan Gosling/Rachel McAdams/”The Notebook” kind of way? Remember? It was the kind of way that showed tongue and made you scratch your head (after you swallowed the throw-up in your mouth, that is) wondering who, exactly, kisses with that kind of tongue on display in front of so many people at a wedding? Ah, see? Now you remember. Yes, it was that wedding.

Well, not only did the bride and groom not think anything was wrong with that explicitly sloppy first kiss, but they apparently thought highly enough of their PDA that it made it into their wedding album — and then some. Yes, way too much PDA is now a trendy thing among the wedding-set.

And by way-too-much-PDA, I mean the new trend in wedding photography is for brides and grooms to be photographed the morning after looking all sexed-up in bed or (wait, here comes that throw-up again) in the shower, according to the New York Daily News.

It’s kind of like what Vanity Fair does with Oscar winners in bed holding their trophies the morning after the Academy Awards, except in this case there are no gold statues and beautiful A-list celebs in their pjs, just a bride and groom, one of whom you just might work next to in a cubicle or perhaps had gone to summer camp with in middle school — you know, someone who you really didn’t need a visual on in the boudoir. Blech.

It’s one thing to document the bride and groom’s first dance, or the bride applying her lipstick in a mirror. It’s quite another to witness “couples tumbling in the sheets in various stages of undress, baring almost all to their partner and the person behind the lens.” And, you know, to everyone who ever picks up the wedding album that will be in full display on their coffee table in their living room.

“When you get married, you’re in the best shape of your life and why not have these memories,” one bride told the newspaper, even though she admitted it’s not something her future kids will see — right away, at least.

“I wouldn’t show this to them at the age of 10,” she said. “But when they’re older and can understand it. It’s their parents looking artistic … not at all pornography.”

“The feeling I try to capture is closeness,” a wedding photographer told the Daily News. “That lovely calm and happiness one feels when they realize it’s for real, now they are really husband and wife.”

Which is all well and good. And I’m no photographer (even thought I do have an iPhone 4S and an Instagram account), but I would think, nay, hope, that a professional photographer could capture that same feeling when the bride and groom are fully clothed and precoital, not just postcoital. At least I would think. And hope.

Besides, if you have to utter the word pornography in the same sentence as wedding album, even if it’s just to argue that it’s not, doesn’t that ring an alarm bell in your bridal-mind?

If not, it should.

Or maybe this is the new role that bridesmaids (and groomsmen) need to add to their wedding party duties: Porn interventionist.

Blech.

Would you want post-sex photos included in your wedding album?

Photo credit: iStock

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