I just read an article over at The Huffington Post on how to stop arguing. It was one of those posts that I wished I had read before actually arguing with my husband this morning. Even so, there’s still hope. You see, the article notes the fact that many arguments are repetitive. Now that I know that it is very likely that we will engage in the same argument again, as if the other 100 times weren’t a dead giveaway, I can make an attempt to nip things in the bud so to speak by trying something new.
It is noted, “While repetitive arguments stem from misunderstandings and emotional wounds, they also owe a lot to simple pattern formation.” Essentially we repeat history again and again. Having the same argument time after time sort of makes it take on the pseudo of “normal” behavior.
But fortunately there is a solution. We have the ability to “disrupt” our patterns and hopefully bring an end to the over usage of “you” statements. Dubbed the “do-one-thing-different” approach by marriage therapist Bill O’Hanlon this is a way to change your brain’s thought process. An example of doing one thing different is do something such as question your spouse’s sanity only this time while whispering. It is believed that our brains get startled by “new associations.”
The approach is believed to have the ability to make you laugh (maybe) but more importantly, it will help you see things in a different way and pave the way for a new pattern to emerge, one in arguing is not at its core. For more on this interesting approach to bringing arguing to an end visit The Huffington Post. Now If you would please excuse me, I’ve got some whispering to do.
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