The other day I actually heard the words, “You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin!’” escape my mouth.
Cruisin. For. A. Bruisin.
Exactly what did I mean? Was I really threatening to beat my son until black and blue marks appeared on his skin? Of course not. But I heard the sentence so many times during my own childhood it bobbed to the top of my mind like a rubber ducky released from the depths of a pool.
I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but it’s happening. I’m turning into my mother. Not only that but, much like when I shouted the above sentence, half the time I don’t even know what the hell I’m saying. I mean, seriously. What does “If you don’t stop crying I’m going to give you something to cry about!” even mean?
If you’ve said two or more of the below sayings, well, I have some bad news for you; you’re turning into your parents as well.
… 1 of 21
They Don’t Want An Answer 2 of 21
If you saw me do it why are you asking?
Stop Now And You’ll Make It Out Alive 3 of 21
I'm not... I didn't... Wait, what?
Harsh 4 of 21
But, Mo-om. I thought you said violence is never the answer.
Again With The Physical Violence? 5 of 21
If I had a nickel for every time my Mom said this I could retire a millionaire.
The End 6 of 21
Worst. Sentence. Ever.
Don’t Answe, You Can’t Win 7 of 21
You raised me... I'm just sayin'.
But? 8 of 21
Every kid ever knows not to point out the discrepancy in this sentence... If they know what's good for 'em.
Um… Okay? 9 of 21
Not A Compliment 10 of 21
Me too! Because I'm totally awesome.
Whoa! 11 of 21
Daaayumn, Mom. That's heavy.
Warning: Danger Ahead 12 of 21
But smiles are good, right? And how do you wipe off a smile, anyway.
Look Away! Look Away! 13 of 21
But Mom! That doesn't even make sense.
This Is Not The Time To Make Your Case For Innocence 14 of 21
But... But... HE did it!
There is Good Smart and Bad Smart: This Is Bad Smart 15 of 21
But I thought you told me you want me to be smart? This is so confusing.
I Might Eat It But… 16 of 21
Technically, you're wrong, Mom. I might eat it under duress but you can't make me like it.
Variation: Are Your Arms Painted On? 17 of 21
Damn how I wished I had a broken arm when I was a kid so my mom would say this and I would be all, "Why, yes. As a matter of fact, my arm is broken."
It Depends 18 of 21
Well, no. But staying out past midnight is way cooler than jumping off a cliff. Unless the cliff is in Hawaii. Next to a waterfall. And then yes, maybe I would jump off the cliff with my friends.
Idle Threat 19 of 21
I know there was a lot of swiping of hands into the back seat but did they ever pull the car over? Even once?
Should I call Grandma then? 20 of 21
Well, who's going to drive me to the hospital then?
More Physical Threats 21 of 21
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