More Than Just a Mom: Mompreneur. Momoir. Sanctimommy. Why are so many words being momified?
Mompreneur. Momoir. Sanctimommy. Why are so many words being momified?
Mompreneurs. Momfinitions. Momversations. “Mom” as a cutesy prefix or pun: it’s taking over the, excuse me, momiverse. And it’s driving me mom-nanas.
Make no mom-stake: it’s great - even revolutionary - to see the experiences of mothers named, recognized and shared, not just left to blend into the taken-for-granted background. With the grating exception of sanctimommy, most such mom-isms are well-intentioned, at least when they are coined and embraced, by hard-working mothers themselves. (What’s a little momnesia among friends - or should I say, among one’s momtourage? And who, really, can argue with momnipotence?) Some mom-isms are just neutrally and usefully, descriptive, like momfriend (the one you hang out with only because of your kid). And others are hilarious. My friend Stephanie calls herself a momivore, as in, “mother who eats whatever is left on her child’s plate.”
Some of these punny expressions, however, only wind up patronizing. Rather than distinguishing our experience, they diminish it.
Take mompreneur. If it works for you, and helps you brand your business, that’s great. But let’s face it: when we are not among other mothers who are prepared to salute and support us, the word “mom” has a different - and diminutive - connotation. An entrepreneur means serious business. A mompreneur, far as it sounds, deals binkies. (Analogy: “chick lit.” Without the “chick,” it’s literature. Add the chick, and presto, it’s - often unfairly - dismissed as fluff.) This is hardly our fault. But it’s reality. So why buy into it when we don’t have to? I know mompreneurers work and parent full-time, which is laudable. But still. Why not just be an : entrepreneur? Would your husband ever call himself a dadtrepeneur? (Speaking of whom, the um:momnipresence of these terms implies that dad never does any of this stuff at all, which is a problem on several levels.)
As Susan J. Douglas and Meredith Michaels write in The Mommy Myth: “‘Mom’ – a term previously used only by children – doesn’t have the authority of ‘mother,’ because it addresses us from a child’s eye view. It assumes a familiarity, an approachability to mothers that is, frankly, patronizing; reminiscent, in fact, of the difference between ‘woman’ and ‘girl.’ ‘Mom’ sounds very user-friendly, but the rise of it, too, keeps us in our place, reminding us that we are defined by our relationships to kids, not to adults.’”
There has also been a bit of a war of words over the term “mommybloggers.” Some mothers who blog say hey, it’s what we do – so what? But the pitfall, according to bloggers like Joanne Bamberger of PunditMom (yes, one can be a pundit and a mom, she says), is that others pick up on the term as a pejorative. “It ends up as shorthand for someone who is less deserving of respect or influence,” she says. “It makes our opinions much easier to ignore.”
I’m not calling for a ban on the word “mom” in passing, in casual conversation, in calls to pre-school. (As in, “Hi, this is Bess’s mom.” Not, “Hi, I’m just calling for a quick momversation about nap.”) Motherhood does inform almost all that we do; there’s no shame or lameness in that. And, of course, everything wonderful and smart and strong that we do with the word “mom” attached should only serve to increase respect for the term. But let’s face it: our culture’s not there yet. Which is why I’m not calling this a mommentary.
I enjoyed reading your article, but I was chagrined when you wrote this in the final paragraph: “Motherhood does inform almost all that we do; there’s no shame or lameness in that.” I’m not referring to the sentiment expressed, but to the words you use; “lameness” is an ableist expression, and considering the concerns you handle regarding language and the pejorative effect of “momification,” I think the piece would benefit from its excision.
I realized recently exactly how much I have a tendency to use the word “lame” in similar contexts myself, and the prevalence of its use all around – and more, importantly exactly how offensive it is. It wasn’t ever something I’d thought about before, and it’s still a mistake I thoughtlessly make often, but I thought that pointing it out here tied into an underlying sentiment of your piece: language and perception matter.
Thanks.
Everyones a critic. You shouldnt project your own existental issue with the word lame to downplay the entire article. The author touched on a real issue and I also personally find word hybrids incorporating the use of mom lame.
Abalicious- I think Mama Gwen brings up a great point. It doesn’t seem to me that she’s saying the issue the author address isn’t real or valid.
Language shapes our realities. What we say is important… it informs what we do. I think it’s HUGELY important to think before we speak. To know the history of some of our words- particularly words that could offend. That’s why saying “That’s so gay” or “That’s retarded” or “that’s lame” when you mean, “that’s so stupid” is offensive. If we don’t point these things out to one another, how will we ever learn?
Good work, Mama Gwen.
And great article to the author!
Well, this is my slant on the whole moms the word thing: I AM MOMMATRON! THE SUPREME COMMANDER! (I have 2 boys totally into the Transformers, and for those of you who do not know, Megatron is the evil commander robot trying to take over the universe – best said in a doomsday voice with a menacing stance when you are trying to get them to do something and they are ignoring you…)
I prefer the term “mama” to mom…it implies a hip, crunchy, bohemian flavor and a more earthy womanness not steeped in the cheese of some of these “momifications” (no offense to aged dairy products)
I thought Mama Gwen’s observation was interesting, if not a bit of a stretch, but valid…I always have to catch myself for misusing “retarded” and I feel like such and ass when I do (no offense to butts or donkeys)
such AN ass…sorry
I think exception to the use of the word “lame” is a little much. Who is offended by this word? The only time I’ve ever heard this word used is to describe horses; I’ve never heard it applied to humans (maybe 100 years ago it was, but it just hasn’t been in use through my lifetime anyway). So unless we’re shooting to avoid offending horses, I think “lame” is about as benign as it gets.
Great article – I’d never thought about it – actually when I started reading, I thought “is this really an issue?”, but you’re right, the word is used to craft a variety of hybrid monstronsities that tend to diminish the women they describe.
I refer to myself as “Mamarazzi” (a play on “Paparazzi) because I am always following my daughter with a camera. I like it because it highlights that there is the word “Papa” in the original word, which is a male dominated career.
Jeeppee, I like you. Kiwi mum: you know that the “papa” is paparazzi
has nothing to do with men, right? I think you probably do; I get your point.
I think the writer makes a good point that the momification of mothers can be infantilizing.
But the innovation of new words is an important characteristic of
American culture. This doesn’t happen so much in other languages/places. When
I told my Roman cousins the word Frappaccino, they were astounded. That kind of riff is uncommon in other languages. I think there
is actual meaning in momtrepreneur that doesn’t come across in just
entrepreneur. But I agree that mother or mama is better than mom which is better that the dreaded mommy.
Excellent piece, and I totally agree on all points.
At my company, some women who worked on a freelance basis largely because they wanted more flexibility to be with their kids were referred to as “Mom-a-lancers.” Meanwhile, a freelancer who was male, and also a Dad, who spent a lot of time watching his kids, was just called a freelancer. Why?