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Ridiculous or Sublime? Nokia Patents Vibrating Tattoo

File this one under “Um, okaaaay…” Today Nokia Connects announced that they have applied for a patent for a kind of vibrating tattoo that will alert you when you have a call, a text, or a low battery. Yes, REALLY.

Here’s what they have to say about it.

“We have filed a patent application with the US Patent and Trademark Office for a ferromagnetic material that can be applied to a mobile phone users skin! The material can be stamped, sprayed or tattooed onto a subjects body. The Nokia Connects team can’t wait to get one.”

There is one bit of good news, though; the “tattoo” can actually be invisible so that you don’t have to mark up your skin to get it. They also excitedly talk about how the tattoo can be used as a form of identification or a way to store your password.

Again. Okaaaay. And this is from a woman considered rather heavily tattooed. Here’s my question: can you turn the damn thing OFF?

According to ABC News, the patent application says this:

“The apparatus comprises “a material attachable to skin, the material capable of detecting a magnetic field and transferring a perceivable stimulus to the skin, wherein the perceivable stimulus relates to the magnetic field.”

So it’s apparently magnetic? There’s also this incredibly cryptic and unhelpful drawing (see right) that shows you what the tattoo would look like.

Yeah. If I’m getting a vibrating tattoo, it’s gonna be pretty, not a damn square.

I’m not really surprised by this development. As someone who has read countless science fiction novels in my life time, I’m waiting for the damn things to be implanted into our brains so we can scan web pages “behind” our eyes. Cause you know that’s coming, right? We will be LITERALLY plugged in, Matrix style, at some point.

But here’s the real question about the vibrating tattoo.

You know I’m gonna ask it. Right?

How soon before someone makes it a sex toy?

Because I’d totally answer THAT phone call. Or maybe not. HELLO.

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