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Screw Style! How Letting Go of Crafty and Clever Is The Best Christmas Move I Ever Made (Photos)

What I’m about to show you will probably make you itchier than if you were suffering a bad case of Shingles.

I’m going to show you what our house looks like from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day.

I wouldn’t call it chaos, and I wouldn’t call it organized. Organized chaos, is perhaps, the kindest way of looking at how we decorate our home for the holidays. Check that, how my husband, Serge, decorates our home for the holidays.

I learned many, many years ago that my help is not welcome. Oh, he may pretend like he welcomes it but if I do attempt to put together one, tiny holiday scene, a little greenery here, some pine cones there — he will change it. He tries to be subtle about it but he. will. change. it. While he was gone the other day I tried to decorate a tiny tree we have in the little “pub” we have in our house. I thought it looked pretty cute but last night I noticed he had completely rearranged everything I had so thoughtfully placed on the tree.

Serge has very particular ideas about holiday decorating, you see. And no, it doesn’t involve some Martha Stewart land of Christmas tree balls placed in glass vases centered on mantles, nor does it involve some carefully placed boughs of holly with lights twined throughout.

No. When Serge decks his halls he does so as if he’s throwing a party for fifty 5-year-olds. Lights everywhere. Ornaments aren’t just for the tree, y’all. If he can hang something from it, he will do so. I have giant ornaments hanging from my dining room chandelier, as of this typing. And he prefers “vintage” decorations. The kind of stuff your Grandma would have in her house when you were a little kid and dashed over the river and through the woods for a holiday visit. This ain’t no modern silver and gold theme, no sleek winter white wonderland with touches of red for color, this is a rainbow of colors. Skittles have nothing on our house, right now. Miles of multi-colored lights twining around doors and paintings and furniture. Ornaments hanging from every hook, nail or splinter of wood or dried booger that can be found.

And here’s the thing. I love it. I love the whirlwind of it all. The Christmasified winter wonderland that is our home throughout the entire season. I realized that no amount of Martha Stewarting can compete with straight up Christmas chaos. Especially when kids are involved. Kids don’t care about Martha and her decked halls. In fact, Martha is a kid’s worst enemy. Kids want to manhandle decorations and glory in the madness of it all, not get yelled at by mom to quit messing with her bay leaf and pomegranate garland.

So keep your your yuletide topiaries, your pine cone rossette centerpieces and your delicate doily paper wreaths, your matching hoo-ha and dippety d0os. I’m elbow deep in a crapload of old-fashioned tinsel and creepy looking Santa Clauses from 1955 and loving every minute of it.

Check it out.


  • Porch 1 of 25
    Porch
    We had a fire on the second floor of our house in January but, luckily, all of the Christmas lights and the porch tree were still up, so nothing got ruined.
  • Santa 2 of 25
    Santa
    My mom sent this Santa and his reindeer light to Serge for his birthday. Henry is fascinated.
  • That’s a Lotta Lights 3 of 25
    That's a Lotta Lights
    The porch is as bright as day, all evening long.
  • My Ball 4 of 25
    My Ball
    Henry, of course, can't keep his hands off the decorations and I don't mind one bit.
  • Country Christmas 5 of 25
    Country Christmas
    This is the kind of Christmas I pictured when considering a move to the country.
  • Beyond Magical 6 of 25
    Beyond Magical
    I like to imagine that, for Henry, the whole thing is beyond magical.
  • The Pub 7 of 25
    The Pub
    When you enter our home through the side door, you are standing in Serge's "Pub."
  • Hub Of The House 8 of 25
    Hub Of The House
    Whenever we have parties, this is where everyone usually gathers.
  • Pull Up A Stool! 9 of 25
    Pull Up A Stool!
    He redid the walls himself with corrugated metal and barn wood.
  • Scary Santa 10 of 25
    Scary Santa
    If that Santa is freaking you out, you aren't alone. I mean, what is going on there?
  • Photo To Canvas 11 of 25
    Photo To Canvas
    That's a photo of a nearby farm I took and had blown up on a canvas which I gave to Serge last Christmas. You can do it with any photo you love, just click over to Canvas World.
  • Antlers? 12 of 25
    Antlers?
    I don't know what's going on here. But, come on. Antlers. Merry Christmas.
  • Record Player 13 of 25
    Record Player
    We have amassed quite a collection of Christmas records. We've usually got them playing all day long.
  • Barn Wood Record Shelves 14 of 25
    Barn Wood Record Shelves
    Serge built those shelves himself to store his record collection.
  • Lights Hanging On Lights 15 of 25
    Lights Hanging On Lights
    Another Serge touch. Giant ass lights hanging off our chandelier.
  • Dining Room 16 of 25
    Dining Room
    That whole display on the left there is another Serge creation.
  • Grandma’s Boot 17 of 25
    Grandma's Boot
    See that red boot with plastic flowers? Yeah. That probably used to belong to your grandma.
  • Serge Wuz Here 18 of 25
    Serge Wuz Here
    I mean, I just don't even know where to begin.
  • Living Room 19 of 25
    Living Room
    This is Henry hard at work destroying the bottom two feet of the Christmas tree. He excels at this kind of work.
  • Another Serge Creation 20 of 25
    Another Serge Creation
    People. If I photographed every little Serge display from all over the house you'd be looking at this slideshow until Valentine's Day.
  • Lights, Everywhere 21 of 25
    Lights, Everywhere
    Bookshelves in our living room.
  • View From The Couch 22 of 25
    View From The Couch
    This is the view from my spot on the couch. A view which includes a dirty flood and, if you look verry closely, my dirty laundry piled in the dining room.
  • Kitchen 23 of 25
    Kitchen
    What? You don't have Christmas lights in your kitchen?
  • Another Angle 24 of 25
    Another Angle
    I'm telling you, he's got lights EVERYWHERE.
  • Gingerbread House 25 of 25
    Gingerbread House
    Gingerbread houses. I highly recommend 'em. Just go into it knowing they will look like ass no matter how hard you work on them and you won't be disappointed.

You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who.

Read more from Monica on Babble:

Awesomely Awkward and Just Plain Awful Christmas Card Photos

My Kids Are Better Than Your Kids: Bad Christmas Letters That Will Leave You Laughing

Hilarious Letters To Santa Claus: “Do You Go To The Bathroom At People’s Houses?”

 

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