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12 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair

By Lori Garcia |

You have lots of different kinds of friends: couple friends, single friends, party friends, smarty friends, and friends of the opposite sex.

While a Y chromosome shouldn’t decide whether or not you can be friends with someone, forming a deep friendship with a member of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship has potential trouble written all over it.

YourTango’s team of relationship experts got together to offer signs of emotional infidelity that can often creep up in friendship between the sexes. Should you find yourself becoming more than “just friends”; you’ll want to check these signs of emotional infidelity before you wreck your relationship:

You think about him (lots): Your best male friend is never far from your thoughts. In fact, you think more about him than your own partner, wondering what he’s doing, how he’s doing, and likely even who he’s doing.

You tell people you’re “just friends”: If people are asking about your relationship with this guy, huge alarms should be going off in your head. Pay attention to what others are seeing!

You share intimate life details with him: Sharing personal secrets you’ve never shared with your partner is a huge emotional infidelity red flag.

You discover he’s changing you: If suddenly his interests become your own and your change is undeniable to even your partner, it’s time to evaluate the role he plays in your life.

You get dolled up for him: You care about looking your best for your next encounter with him. Maybe you wear your hair the way he likes, or purchase clothing with his taste in mind.

You are happier with him: You laugh more and feel generally happier around him than you do your partner.

You go out of your way to spend time with him: You ditch your partner, friends, and in some cases even work to find creative ways to spend time with him.

You fib to your partner: Lying by omission, half-truths, and white lies are all measures of dishonesty. According to relationship coach Charlotte A. Michie, “If there’s nothing going on, then telling your partner should not be a problem.” Michie encourages you to search your conscious for the honesty of your intentions.

You socially “stalk” him: You anxiously await every status change across his social media networks so you can carefully over-analyze every post and photograph in an effort to learn more about him.

You show off around him: He has the power to bring out the most inviting and alluring version of yourself.

You communicate electronically: You fill the void of physical separation with increasing electronic communication. If you’re feeling that teenage girl excitement with every new message, it’s time to stop and analyze. According to relationship coach Judith Tutin, “When the balance of who you communicate with tips away from your significant other toward someone else, it’s a sure sign of trouble in both relationships.”

You do special things for him (and only him): No matter how seemingly innocent, doing special things for him that you don’t do for others should make you question your personal intentions.

For 9 more signs of emotional infidelity, visit YourTango.

What are your thoughts on emotional infidelity?

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About Lori Garcia


Lori Garcia

Lori Garcia is a writer and mother of two living and loving in Southern California. When she's not fussing with her bangs, you can find her shaking her groove thing on her personal blog, Mommyfriend where she almost never combines true tales of motherhood and mayhem with her degree in child development. Read bio and latest posts → Read Lori's latest posts →

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4 thoughts on “12 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair

  1. Anarchist Mama says:

    If the infidelity stays emotional and never crosses over into the sexual, who cares? Life without passion is life half lived.

  2. Amanda says:

    I’d say that once you’re having an emotional affair it’s only a matter of time until the physical happens. I think most spouses would be more hurt by an emotional affair than by one that was purely physical. My parents are going through this now, and the emotional part had definitely hurt my mom more than the physical acts.

  3. lilliae says:

    Quote: “If the infidelity stays emotional and never crosses over into the sexual, who cares? Life without passion is life half lived.”

    The person you SHOULD be feeling that emotional connection with cares. And the one who feels this way for someone other than their partner should too. Because isnt that emotional connection the BASE of any intimate relationship? Sure, you can only have sex with one person, but that really isnt enough to say that you deeply care for them, or have fallen for them. Sex is not an emotion. Love is. Thats why emotional affairs matter much more, to many people.

    Because, why stay with that one person if you dont even feel anything for them?

  4. wolfia3 says:

    An Emotional Affair ? Even if it never leads to a Physical One, can Extremely Suck for whoever becomes displaced……..I know, Count me In……..or rather, “Count Me Out!!!!!”

    And, it does not EVER have to become a Physical Affair, to Hurt or Damage: His AOL was Temp. Shut Off…….I was Hearing Life “Lacked Luster, I was not good enough to “Chat” with (we Live in Separate Cities, Beer Became Dinner, 6pm Bedtime—and there was even 1 Suicidal Ideation Hanging Comment……Oh, please Do Stop, My Love, Your Compliments——How They Do Pain Me!!!!
    Some Folks out there have Affairs with a Substance, Sports, Video Games—lots of thrill seeking and addiction: sometimes the Basis of an Emtional Affair!!

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