The Sister Wives return to TLC tonight with a brand new season.
Last season America met the Browns (for a rundown on the entire family, including four wives and sixteen (I think) children click on over to Famecrawler) as they went public with their polygamous lifestyle.
As it so happens, I live about twenty minutes down the road from the Browns. They’re pretty typical as far as polygamists in Utah go. You have your standard modern-day polygamists, like the Browns, and you have the fundamentalist types that you see splashed all over television shows like Oprah. The ones that are usually marrying 13-year-olds and breeding as fast as the little girls can push them out. Their women wear long johns under dresses and generally have hair longer than Crystal Gayle.
Considering that incestuous, child molesting genre of polygamist it’s pretty wild that anyone is taking any time to investigate the Browns for bigamy. Everyone is a consenting adult so who really cares? Bored Utah cops, I guess.
Watching the Browns – or the Henricksons on HBO’s Big Love – got me to thinking whether or not four moms are better than one.
On the downside, you have four moms telling you to clean your room, but you also will always have someone there to make dinner, help with homework, tuck you into bed. I spent a lot of time on my own as a child, so having that back up wife would’ve been a great addition in our household.
I’ll tell you what, I wouldn’t mind a couple of sister wives myself. Just hand off my husband for a few nights so I can get some quality me time, you know what I’m saying? Listen sister, it’s your turn to entertain him. If you don’t mind letting him burn off some sexual steam, that’d be great. I’m really tired.
And hey! What about all those kids? From what I’ve seen of Sister Wives, the older children really help out with the younger ones. I’ll be they’d be willing to fetch mama a Diet Coke from the fridge fairly often too.
Maybe the Browns have totally figured it out. Because, you know, it takes a village to raise a child, right? The Brown clan is nothing if not a village.