Inspiration from Steve Jobs: How this visionary reminded me to play
How this late visionary reminded me to play
“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things…”
As we celebrate the legacy of Steve Jobs, Apple’s “Think Different” campaign comes to mind. Steve Jobs saw things differently. In an address to the Stanford graduating class of 2005, he spoke about a calligraphy class he sat in on after he dropped out of college, “It [calligraphy] was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating. None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me.”
In his now-famous Stanford speech he explained, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards.”
As a parent, it’s important to remember that I can’t connect the dots looking forward either. I don’t know what or who or when something is going to inspire my children.
Last summer, Newsweek ran a cover story called, “The Creativity Crisis,” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. The article broke the news that a professor had analyzed decades of results from a standardized creativity test and found that scores have been on a steady decline since 1990 – particularly among kindergarten through sixth graders. The causes? While no one is quite sure, the media and blogosphere usually point to the same culprits. Some kids are overscheduled. Some children watch too much TV and play on computers for too long. Most schools have been too focused on test scores. No one plays outside enough.
But after reading the story, I started discovering something I’m sure is part of the problem, at least in my own house: As a parent, I can be kind of a creativity buzzkill.
A couple months ago, my three-year-old asked me for a Cheddar cheese and jelly sandwich. I said no. It sounded gross, and I was worried he’d take just one bite and throw it out. But, in retrospect, stores sometimes sell fancy fig spreads near the Camembert and Brie. Maybe he was on to something? Maybe I blew his chance of ever making Top Chef.
My refusal to make my son his sandwich reminds me of a link that one of my favorite bloggers, Amy Webb, PhD, of “The Thoughtful Parent,” sent me. It was an interview on PBS’ The Parent Show with noted astrophysicist Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson. To cultivate curiosity in children, he said, one must “get out of the way.”
“I think parents get in the way of kids’ curiosity. They go up to a flower, maybe pluck the petals off: and you say, ‘Don’t pluck the petals, I just paid for that.’ No. You just stopped them from investigating what’s in the middle of a flower.”
I’ve actually said the words, “Don’t pluck the petals.” Dr. Tyson would give me a ‘D’ in flower exploration. And while I have many more examples, in the interest of time, I’ll just give you one more:
After a rainstorm, my kids and some friends were playing out back. While I was off pampering myself (a.k.a going to the bathroom alone), they grabbed towels out of the linen closet. Then, they built a fort in the backyard. If they had asked me, there’s no way I would have let them use my nice-ish towels. But, since they didn’t ask me (for which, I’ll be honest, they were reprimanded), they played inside the fort for a long time. It was imaginative play! And I hadn’t even paid our local community center – the one that offers all the fancy extracurricular activities!
I’ve thought about how many creative moments I’ve tried to engineer for my kids by signing them up for music classes or buying them puppets or taking them to museums, but maybe the biggest help I can be to them is, as Dr. Tyson said, just getting out of their way sometimes.
This means I need to work on saying “no” less. It means that as long as my kids aren’t causing damage or harm, as long as they’re not hurting themselves or others, as long as they’re not acting cruelly and as long as they’re not using glitter (sorry I have to draw the line somewhere), I’m trying to be more go-with-the-flow.
If Steve Jobs, one of the most creative minds of all time, had been my child, might I have tried to stop him from taking the class that ended up changing technology as we know it? Yes. And while his anecdote doesn’t tell me to act cool if my kids one day decide to drop out of college (should they go in the first place), it does tell me that as a parent, I don’t know what’s going to inspire my children, and I can’t connect the dots.
So part of my job – for many reasons – is to let them experience as much as possible of the good, fun kid stuff. Making gross sandwiches. Catching fireflies. Jumping in puddles. And, even if it means creating an extra load of laundry for me, building forts. I still have a picture of that fort, by the way. I took it with – what else? – my iPhone.
The key here is to let them make extra laundry for your husband, just for the heck of it. I hear men really dig that.
@Jana, Always the clever one, huh lady? ; )
Actually, I need to get the kids to start doing their own laundry. Kelly Ripa is so amazing in her whatever–the-brand-is-of-stoves-and-washing-machines-and-ovens-she’s-hawking commercials. But my goal is to get my kids to start doing some laundry. Like, tonight.
This tribute to Steve Jobs is wonderful. It is special because it reminds parents of the importance of cultivating creativity in our children–both for their own happiness in life and their ability to make the world a better place
I agree with “a mother”. This essay is right on. We need to raise on our kids with less regimentation and let them use their natural creativity.
Great post. Steve Jobs has enriched all our lives. His family should emulate Bill and Melinda Gates and give away some of the billions to help other children have his opportunities
my best friend’s mom makes $77 an hour on the computer. She has been out of job for 9 months but last month her check was $7487 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read about it here CashBrave.com
Really enjoyed this posting. I agree with your lesson from Job’s life that can be applied to our children.
Sometimes lots of “no” can produce creative rebels. Just to be argumentative…
Danielle, I appreciate your comment. Thanks for writing. It’s good to look at things another way! Here’s to the ones who see things differently, after all.
I just had this discussion with my daughter who wants to paint her room what I think is a crazy color. She also has all sorts of “design” ideas that fly in the face of what I think is presentable. But to quote one of my own favorite designers, Jonathan Adler, “Kids’ imaginations will thrive in over-decorated rooms.”
Yes, sometimes you gotta let go and decide not to fight the battle.
I let my toddler mess up ALL the books on the bookshelves today. Thanks Melissa (and Steve!).
It’s the feeling of being alive that children naturally exhibit! Thanks for the reminder about the barriers inherit in the excess of too much conscience by convenience.
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Church Warns of Protest Around Steve Jobs Funeral http://bit.ly/p8RqLk
A wonderful piece! One in which I completely agree and have been trying to avoid being a creativity buzz kill for the past 4 years. I let my kids make a mess. I let them play with “non-traditional” toys like the pumpkins and gourds we just bought for our fall decorations. I give them items like potatoes and call them magic, which ensues in at least 30 minutes of pretending what their magic potatoes do.
We bake-a lot. We make forts out of everything.
And it takes work on the parents end. Work on my part to not poo-poo their 3 and 5 year old visions. Of course some days, I don’t want the kids trashing a room that was just cleaned, so I send them outside to play in the dirt.
I had to add that I believe one of the reasons why parents have a hard time letting their kids make a mess is b/c of an unrealistic idea of domestic perfection I have observed in my own community of friends. I have often heard parents comment at my comfort in my kids making a mess b/c it will take forever for them (mom and dad) to clean up.
We are obsessed with having perfect homes and shudder at the thought of people seeing our homes untidy, that we as adults cannot live or be comfortable in our own homes… Thanks for making me think over my Sunday morning coffee.
I wish very strict with my first two kids then there was a 7 year gap when I had my third and final child. Im not very strict with my baby and Ive noticed he is the most creative one, always thinks outside the box, has a positive attitude and is never a follower always a leader. One thing about him is he dont care what others think and he analyzes everything. So maybe it does have something to do with what we let or kids do or dont do as a young child but I guess only time will tell.
its true thats is all we complain about our kids and how they keep messing it all up and how long it takes us to clean up…common lads lets try to be good…read here more and know it goes http://is.gd/Yo5fib