The Sacramento Bee led me to a website today for a company called “My Tiny Hands.” They sell one thing and one thing only: a sign that reads, “Please wash your hands before touching mine.” The sign is small, like a tag, really (pictured left), that new parents can hang from a car seat, baby carrier or stroller.
According to My Tiny Hands, “The biggest danger to babies is other people’s hands.” That may be true – and I understand the desire to keep a baby from germs – but shouldn’t we be able to simply talk to one another? Do you really need a bright pink sign that tells people to wash their hands hanging over your baby’s head? While we’re at it, if your baby is going to start bossing people around and making them feel dirty, ugly and inadequate, why not use a stroller sign to send other important messages, like:
Hey Grandpa, put your teeth in, you scare the crap out of me when you’re all gums!
Yo Grandma, chill with the perfume, old lady. We get it, you don’t shower anymore. I just wish your fear of falling didn’t stink like Estee Lauder.
Would you like a breath mint, Aunt Becky? Because you need one.
Uncle Donny, please stop drinking. Every time you hold me you shake and it makes me pee.
I’m a boy, you idiot! Why do you care?
I’m a girl, you idiot! Please say I’m pretty.
SMOKING KILLS. Just thought you’d like to know!
Psssst… you’re gonna lose your job soon, Dad.
Go ahead, hold me, no one’s ever gonna have a baby with you, anyway.
Do yourself a favor, lose some weight, Mom.