Tampon Tales: 10 Women Share Funny and Embarrassing First Period StoriesMeredith Carroll
To some women, their daughters’ first period is cause for celebration. We’re not talking a take-her-out-for-ice-cream kind of thing. We’re talking full-on period parties with a Pin-the-Ovaries game and a Puberty Marshmallow game. (No, really — read all about this thing called Menarche Parties ‘R Us here).
But to many girls, getting their period for the first time was less a party and more of a traumatic experience. Or an utterly humiliating occurence. Or the whole thing was totally hysterical (but usually in a laugh at me, not with me kind of way).
We all have a first period story. Ten ladies were brave enough to share them right here (although their names have been changed since these stories have embarrassed them enough already). Read on and see if you can relate to any of them. And by all means, share your first period in the comment section below (if you can stand to relive the memory, that is).
Double ouch 1 of 10When I got my first period my mother said to me, "I don't know why I'm supposed to do this, but my mother did it to me, and I think it is some sort of tradition." She then proceeded to slap me on the face (gently, of course). Somehow that seems more fitting.
Ho, ho . . . no! 2 of 10Mine came on Christmas. My mom said it was my "best present ever!" And then I cried.
Square peg, round hole 3 of 10When I got my period for the first time my mom handed me a tampon and a mirror and stood on the other side of the bathroom door trying to yell directions on how to insert it. Remember the episode of "Friends" where Ross is trying to get a couch up a staircase and it obviously won't fit and he's yelling "Pivot! Pivot!" over and over in that awful tone of voice? That's how I felt. Like the couch, that is.
After I got it in, my mom told me if I could feel it, it was in wrong. Of course I could feel it. So I sat on her bed and cried. Then my dad walked in and put his arm around me and asked what was wrong. In unison, my mom said, "Don't touch her!" while I cried, "Don't touch me!" My poor dad.
Can I get a refund? 4 of 10I got mine at age NINE. Yes, really. A friend in class told me that since it was so early I would have big boobs. I'm an A cup. What a bust.
This is nuts 5 of 10When I was in fifth grade, all the girls watched a film about menstruation, which was presented by the school nurse. It was fairly mortifying, because the boys all knew what the movie was about. In fact, a boy named Dylan had loudly announced that morning, "YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE ABOUT YOUR BOOBS, AND WE'RE GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE ABOUT OUR NUTS."
However, instead of giving the boys any kind of talk and/or nut movie, the school's one male teacher took them outside to play kickball. Discovering this, the girls all became really annoyed about having gotten ripped off of an extra recess. Then our teacher got disgusted with all of us, and we all had to work silently for the rest of the day.
The bloodiest place on Earth? 6 of 10I got my first period at Disneyland. THAT'S RIGHT. The happiest place on Earth. I remember that I sat in the bathroom in Toontown, thinking about how it was absolutely ridiculous, and trying to figure out a way that I wouldn't have to tell my great aunt. She then announced the news to my family at dinner. HURRAY.
Is nothing sacred? 7 of 10The day after I got my period in sixth grade, I called my mom at work and her co-worker answered and was like, "Hi hon! Heard you had your first visit from Aunt Flo!" and then I died of embarrassment because it became obvious in that moment my mother had told everyone she'd ever met about my private parts.
15-Love 8 of 10I was a freshman in high school and trying out for the varsity tennis team, on which my sister had played for three years already. I thought I must be doing really well since so many of the girls came over to watch me hit some balls against another girl. But then the coach came over and cut me before anyone else. As I walked away with all eyes on me, my sister came over and tied her sweatshirt around my waist, covering my white tennis skirt. "You got your period," she whispered to me.
Downside: I didn't make the tennis team.
Upside: It was the nicest thing my sister had ever done for me.
At least I got paid 9 of 10I got my period for the first time when I was 13 and was babysitting, and the girl's grandma wanted me to take the kid in the pool for a few hours. I tried to make up excuses like, "I don't have a bathing suit," or "I am too self-conscious to wear a bathing suit," but she wasn't buying it. So, I ran home, freaked out, and tried to use a tampon but just couldn't figure it out. I ended up wearing shorts over my suit ... over the pad ... I went through all this just because I couldn't tell the woman I had my period.
Thanks for nothing, Mom 10 of 10I had the WORST weekend out of town with my family, grouchy as all get out. When we got home I went to change my clothes and realized my period had started. When I told my my mom she responded with, "WELL THAT EXPLAINS YOUR MOOD." She then gave me $5 and told me to walk to the store to "Get something for it."
I was 13.
I was mortified.
Do you have a funny or embarrassing first period story? Share it with us in the comment section below!
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