Teen Moms or Celebrity Parents?
Teen parents or celebrity moms?
The grocery store where I shop has a checkout line that has been deemed “family friendly.” What this means, of course, is that there are no magazines or candies displayed next to the register. That’s a nice idea, but ultimately kind of worthless. Because no matter what line you stand on, the stuff you are trying to avoid is never more than a few feet away.
And what I am trying to avoid is the magazines. Saying no to candy is easy. But I resent having to explain to my fourth grader what a Snooki is and why she’s famous. Ditto for Brad allegedly cheating on Angelina and Paris Hilton’s supposed drug bust. My daughter doesn’t even know who these people are, but thanks to these prominently displayed tabloids, she thinks she knows what they did to get famous.
If she were to read some recent magazine covers, she might get the idea that getting pregnant as a teen will put her on the fast-track to celebrity. Because for some kids, that’s exactly what has happened. The stars of Teen Mom, a reality show with a self-explanatory title, recently graced the cover of US Weekly. And some other teen parents (I don’t know who they are) were featured on another magazine cover, lamenting having given up their baby for adoption.
To avoid these magazines, I always send her off to check out the movies in Red Box while I check out the groceries. Because while I am not really concerned that she will think getting pregnant at sixteen is a great way to get famous, I am concerned that she will think getting pregnant at sixteen is perfectly normal and as glamorous as it appears to be on these glossy magazine covers.
Because, as someone who knows from experience, getting pregnant at sixteen is neither normal nor glamorous.
But Lara Cohen, a news director at US Weekly, told CNN that teen parents are “compelling.” And making celebrities out of them by putting them on television and magazine covers is just good business. In fact, she says the issue featuring the Teen Mom stars did as well as The Bachelor scandal covers and prompted other publications to follow suit.
The danger here, as BlogHer writer Jenna Hatfield points out, is that the image of teen motherhood as presented on these shows and magazine covers is false. ”These particular teen moms aren’t experiencing the same reality as the teen mom down the street,” she says.
I am not one who believes that if you just don’t talk about something, it will go away. Teen pregnancy is real and it really happens to lots of kids. But the conversation about it should involve reality, not a reality show. While the subject may indeed be “compelling” and make for good television and clever copy, I prefer that my child see teen pregnancy for what it is and should be: the exception.
Because of my own history, I might be a little overly sensitive on this particular subject. What do you think about television shows and magazine covers that make celebrities out of teen parents?
Image: Polina Sergeeva/Flickr
Teen pregnancy is a complicated issue, and by extension, so is how we – as a society – deal with it.
As a BIG fan of the MTV show in question, as well as it’s predecessor (16 and Pregnant), I’m inclined to believe that most people who take issue with it – and think it somehow glamorizes teen-parenthood – hasn’t watched it. Because from my perspective, it does the exact opposite, and if anything, serves as a cautionary tale to young men and women (women especially).
Every single one of the young parents’ featured on the show struggles in ways that are one part heartbreaking and one part horrifying, as do their children. The three who kept their children work, and all of them have had to make difficult decisions regarding their education. One is single (AND estranged from her parents), one is in a relationship with a man who is not the child’s father and struggles with issues surrounding custody, visitation and child support. One is in a relationship that is emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. The couple who chose to give their baby up for adoption are dealing with parents who are addicts and abusive co-dependents (who remind us weekly that the teens in question made EXACTLY the right choice in giving their child up for adoption). We are also reminded weekly of the enduring pain that sometimes results from doing the right thing.
ALL of these things are consistent with the teen-parenthood experience of many (maybe even most) others, whether they appear on a TV show or not.
There are a lot of questions surrounding how and how much these teen parents are compensated for their time on the show, as well there should be. I can not find a conclusive answer, but am incredibly curious.
If they are indeed being paid hefty sums of money (which does NOT appear to be the case), then eventually, their experience WILL differ from the average teen-mom down the street. But if they’re not, then they’re being exploited, because the show is a huge hit for MTV and is generating tons of money and publicity. One article I read suggests that they’re paid ‘in trust,’ with monies earned actually earmarked for their own children, but I have no idea if that is truly the case.
In any event, I think that anyone with feelings of trepidation about this show and it’s portrayal of teen parenthood and it’s effect on their own children should WATCH it, and they should do so WITH their kids. Because really, it’s pretty excellent birth control.
I’m with you Michele. In fact, after watching last week’s episode, I turned to my partner and said, “they should be showing this in EVERY junior high across the country. No one would ever have unprotected sex again.”
I’m a huge fan of Teen Mom, and I’m seriously glad that they’ve continued it as long as they have, but I do have mixed feelings about the moms being featured on the cover of tabloids. When the show is just a documentary, it’s pretty valuable for showing an honest look at teen parenting and especially adoption…I don’t think I’ve ever seen adoption discussed in this way, from this perspective on TV. It’s also a great jumping off point for discussing verbal abuse and even things like counseling and craigslist scams without the eyerolls that “a very special DeGrassi” or similar would induce. I think there’s a fine line between being the subject of a documentary and being a reality tv star, and this is crossing it, unfortunately. It’s too bad.
As far as how they’re being paid, it’s my understanding that each mom is paid w/ a college fund for her child and another hourly pay for each hour they shoot, which still isn’t much. But they have to be paying something that the moms can access, or else I have no idea how Farrah doesn’t qualify for any state aid working part-time at a restaurant.
I tried to watch it but it sickened me- turned it after about 25 seconds- and I just couldn’t give more of my time on the girls (and their equally atrocious “baby Daddies”) of dubious common sense/intelligence.
See, I believe why show it? That gives it a veneer of acceptance an normalcy.
I wonder if “Scared Straight” ever succeeded as a deterrent?
Answer to self:
“The actual research results are surprising, perhaps even shocking. The program does not demonstrate success in combating juvenile crime it shows just the opposite!”
http://www.ncianet.org/publicpolicy/publications/scaredstraight.asp
Now if one can infer anything about the teen pregnancy shows deterring other teens from pregnancy, I cannot answer…. But the logic seems sound.
Approximately 10% of babies of first time moms are to teen moms. After the age of 15, chance of mom and baby surviving is the same as those in their twenties. After the age of 35, mom and baby chances of survival go down like those who have babies before they are 15. You may not think being a teen and pregnant is normal; but it is not considered abnormal. I don’t know why society attaches a stigma to teen pregnancy and parenting. It is not the worse thing that can happen, it could even be considered a blessing.
Why? Because I think a child deserves mature, established parents that have a stable income, home, health insurance, life insurance, emergency savings and the wherewithal to continue to provide such for that child. It’s like I told our oldest son- look around at what you have, why would you NOT want to be able to provide your own child with that and even better?
Had we not been responsible about birth control and acquired what I listed above and started our family in our teens (we met at age 15 & have been together for 31 years) I doubt said son would be finishing college without student loans looming over his head.
Hi Goddess,
It sounds a lot like you are saying that poor people shouldn’t have children. Growing up no one I knew had life insurance or emergency savings. My parents and the parents of my friends were all living paycheck to paycheck. Going to the food bank was not out of the ordinary. These were all adults, who after generations of their families working full time still did not have the privileges you are lucky to have. Children deserve loving parents. Everyone has a right to family, not just the middle class or wealthy folks.
I, most likely, will be the first member of my family to be middle class. And you know what? I am a teen mother. I had my kiddo when I was 16 and am now a college senior getting ready to go to medical school.
The show teen mom is a reminder of just how hard those early days were. I was broke, living with an unhelpful “baby daddy” and then with friends, working two jobs and finishing high school. Parenting was isolating and challenging. My kid just started kindergarten. It has been an amazing journey and I am thrilled to have him in my life.
I am so grateful for the support from friends and from my high school that allowed me to attend an amazing college and break the cycle of poverty. Not everyone breaks that cycle, but that doesn’t mean they are bad or unfit parents. Or that they shouldn’t have children.
Also, teenagers have always had children. And they always will. What is abnormal about that?
I’m glad that the way you planned your family worked well for you. I am glad that you have the resources you need to survive and thrive, but please don’t act like yours is the only right way to have a family.
Charlie, you should be so proud. Yes, too many people get off on their way being the only way. Kudos to you for your accomplishments.
That television show isn’t making teen motherhood out to be glamourous, but Bristol Palin sure is doing her damnedest.
By “the privileges you are lucky to have” you do mean “the things you’ve worked your tail off for decades to get,” right? Once you’ve worked your way through college and med school and then worked for a decade or more to pay off your loans, if you feel like what you have around you was given to you by luck, then by all means feel that way. This kind of emotional and logical immaturity is exactly why teenagers should never get pregnant.
Whatever floats your boat. Congrats that you did it. Most in your shoes don’t.
BTW0 Privileges? My husband and I moved out the day after I turned 18- a mere month after he turned 18 with an old tiwn size bed, table and chairs someone threw away and a broken dresser. No savings. No living rom set- no TV anything.
WE had jobs- mine was about 75 cents over minimum wage, my husband’s slightly more. HE went back for his GED about a year later, then went through trade school. Our families were poor- my Mom only got $20 every 2 wks in child support for me- and he came from a family of 7 whose only advantage was a hard-working father who instilled a work ethic.
So we worked, we saves- AND we used BIRTH CONTROL faithfully. We thew our own wedding and saved up for a home.
So yeah- WE were the first of our families to attain middle class too- nice to meet ya!
There’s no more than one way to do it Mistress Scorpio- but waiting until you’re ready was the only way that fit our standards and those we intend to pass on to our own children, and it is the way I will hold to be the one each and every child deserves.
IF others want their kids to think teen pregnancy is normal, acceptable and hunky-dory- go for it. I hold a different standard up for mine.
Corrected to say, “There’s MORE than” instead of “There’s NO MORE than”
Goddess, you say it yourself you were a TEEN mom and you then you throw all other teen moms under the bus! You are a hypocrite. If you think you are a bad mom because you were a teen mom does not mean all teen moms are bad.
JEssica, she said she wasn’t a teen mom; she just moved out of her house and married as teenager.
LP, anyone born in the US could be considered lucky. Don’t think luck never plays a part in life and success.
I was NOT a teen Mom, LOL- I moved out with my boyfriend (who’s now my husband) when we were 118. We didn’t get pregnant until we were MARRIED for 2 years and aged 23, had a home, health and life insurance and some emergency funds.
So chronology here peeps: Met DH at age 15, moved out with age 18, married at 21½, had first baby at 23.
I think commmon sense and responsibility go a lot further than luck when it comes to pregnancy nd conception- with today’s methods of birth control, LOL. Somehow, we’ve managed to conceive and contracept successfully over 30 years now, planning each of my 6 pregnancies and preventing any others with 100% success. Luck? No. Faithful adherence to the methods we chose over the course of years. Goddess knows, I was a fertile as anyone could be!
BTW- I didn’t say teen mothers are “bad”. I am just saying that I think all children deserve a better start than someone who may not even be legally capable of entering a contract yet, probably has little or no income, health insurance, life insurance, a home of her own in a safe neighborhood, etc.
Grew up poor- and never wanted to inflict that on my own children.
LP, I am sure you have worked extremely hard to get where you are. What I am saying is that hard work does not always equal middle class. And I am not talking about teenagers here. Some of the hardest jobs to do in this country receive the lowest wages. Having privilege plays into whose work is valued over others. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something to be aware of. There are people in this country who work endlessly and will never make a living wage. And those people deserve families just as much as anyone.
But do children deserve parents that cannot afford them? You say those who cannot earn a “living wage” Charlie- if they cannot earn enough to live on, how are they going to provide for their children?
“acquired what I listed above and started our family in our teens (we met at age 15 & have been together for 31 years)” usually by stating you started your family means you had a baby.
The only perfect birth control is abstinence. Unless you planned on abortion, then you were not responsible by your standard (able to have health & life insurance, stable job, emergency funds) before having kids – you just got lucky. And although you did not say “bad”, you did imply it is okay to stigmatize teens for getting pregnant and their parenting as teens.
If imperfectly executed, abstinence is entirely in-effective. If it is perfectly executed, it’s extremely effective and also extremely imperfect, particularly given the increasing age that people get married.
Sorry- meant started dating.
See, goddess, I wasn’t going to comment on your stance, except that you seem to think you only said that TEENS shouldn’t parent. That is not what you said: “a child deserves mature, established parents that have a stable income, home, health insurance, life insurance, emergency savings and the wherewithal to continue to provide such for that child.”
Of course, you have the right to your opinion, but you should be aware that you’re being offensive. There are plenty of mature adults who think they have a stable income, but don’t really, or who are struggling to develop one. Or who haven’t managed to build up and maintain emergency savings. Or who are tackling any number of the challenges of life, many of which are unpredictable. You implied, heavy handedly, that only the middle and upper classes should procreate. And yeah, I find it distasteful that you think my parents should never have had me.
I know very well about birth control- and using it successfully may not have been foolproof, but it was about 99.8% effectiv used correctly- ad that translated to a 100% success rate fr us.
Had we gotten pregnant while we were teens, I would have indeed had an abortion. But that would be a choice I make for me, and no other woman. So yes- we WERE responsible, as termination would have been an acceptable choice with which to deal with an unplanned pregnancy.
And no, luck had FAR less to do with it than using my birth control correctly 100% of the time. Every time were tried to conceive, we did so with amazing speed.
The only stigma I put on teen pregnancy is my opinion that it is unfair to the child (if the pregnancy is continued), irresponsible and not a very well=planned course in life. You, however, may do as you choose and raise your own children as you choose, but I hold myself and my children to a different standard that I think is more desireable for a child.
Oh Bec- there are plenty more that shouldn’t either, LOL. But as a demographic, I think teens have far less resources with which to parent children.
If someone is offended, oh well- that is their choice. I just happen to believe children deserve more planning and more resources with which to be raised. Not going to change that view b3eccuase it hurt feelers. If someone is offended by frank debate, they should not indulge.
I think people should plan BEFORE they have kid. If that offends, tough.
And for what it’s worth- mine should not have had me when they did either
By your own statistics, 99.8% means one in a five hundred times you had the chance of getting pregnant. So you can’t say it wasn’t luck; you played russian roulette and didn’t get shot – you were lucky. Although the abortion would’ve helped your 100% shot of not giving birth. Bob, abstinence is 100% effective, once you have sex you are no longer practicing abstinence. Abstinence is not really a realistic approach for many people, but I do know people in their 30′s that are still practicing it.
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Guess that birth control pill was a good deal more effective than it was quoted in the package insert, eh? Actually, in the absence of breakthrough bleeding to indicate ovulation and fertilization took place, I am pretty sure that it was quite close to 100% effective
And since we we were having sex a heckuva lot more than that, I have good reason to believe in the efficacy of that pill over *luck* anyday LOL!
FTR, abstinence is against my religion
I understand each side of this coin. I had my first child at 19. I did have life and health insurance and a job that I worked really hard to obtain and keep for a very long time while finishing college. My son and I had some hard struggles, but he is a wonderful 22 year old with a beautiful daughter of his own that he works very hard for – which includes all the insurance etc. BUT – I also had my daughter at the age of 38 – as a married woman with a SUPER nice job, college education, home etc. . . it is much easier this time around. I do not have to juggle whether or not we are going to take a fun vacation somewhere or buy groceries. I buy shoes for her when I want, not when I get paid. So, there is a big difference. I have also found that I have A LOT more patience. It is hard to parent when you are young and sometimes, “just don’t feel like it.” I think the show is great – it shows struggles and unhappiness – it does not sugar coat a thing. I do often wonder, however why the girls always have their nails done, carry designer bags etc. . While I may do that now, I never did as a teen mom. Good for them though, it probably makes them feel a little better about themselves, and I think every mom, no matter the age deserves that. (I must throw in here that is is very fun having a grandy and a daughter only 6 months apart- I wouldn’t say it is for everyone – but it just feels like a little extra frosting on the cake.) Will I stress the importance of growing up and knowing her adult self before having kids to my daughter? Absolutely!
I had my son at the age of 20 I had no job and lived in an apartment with my bf who worked at home depot! When we first started off we were barely making it and then he lost his job and all we had was unemployment. Now not even a full year later we own our own house on 15 acres of land which we paid for ourselves! I am able to buy my son whatever I want when ever I want and I am a stay at home mom by choice and have been the whole time!! We were dirt poor when we had a child and now we are better off than most people all thanks to the glory of God. So it doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are when you bring a child into this world it could all change in a matter of min
Your article is just plain stupid. Who in their right mind would see these girls’ hardships, and go “Hmmm..I want to do that too!” Get over it, teach your daughter morals, and you won’t have to worry about the magazine article. People blame society and magazines for their own children’s behavior instead of their own parenting. I love the show for the fact that it does the opposite of what you are implying in your article…teen pregnancy is NOT cool. Maybe open up the article and actually read it sometime, and you would know that.People like you irritate me to no end. The people I hate to read about, always having to blow every little thing out of proportion. Just raise your daughter right, and get off the “teen mom is promoting pregnancy”.
goddess… I liked you until you mentioned abortion (which is obviously a whole ‘nother issue.) Part of parenting is being selfless… and maybe that’s what you were implying… abortion is selfish, hence you weren’t ready. Either way, I think you’re right in saying one needs to be “ready” financially and emotionally. Please take into consideration that the term “ready” can hold many different meanings. Just like Lara, bad situations can blossom into great opportunities and success. Thank the Lord she didn’t abort that baby just because she had no job and lived in a (if it was anything like my first) retro apartment. It is, in fact, an opinion.
I’m not sure why I feel so compelled to comment after reading all this, not that many will see it by now… but where I do agree that having the finances, insurance, etc. to back up a family are valuable things, things that any parent would want… it doesn’t always happen to plan. I personally could never kill something that is growing inside me, my own flesh and blood, no matter how small of a creature it is. If it’s growing, it’s real and alive and was meant to be. My son was born 2 months after I turned 18. It was hard. We thrived, we got lucky with both parents supporting us (we’re married now), by the time he was 11 months old we moved out into an apartment of our own and by age 3 we bought a home. Shit happens though, we had a tough winter last winter when my husband lost his job, because hello – recession. You can’t PREDICT everything, you can think you’re secure. You can think theres a stable income coming into the house, insurance, life insurance, home owners insurance, etc. until one day the recession hits an office to hard. Seniority means nothing to companies, I’ve seen many family members lose their jobs after years and years of being there. In a perfect world, we’d have all the things we needed… but in a not so perfect world all we can do is thrive, sacrifice things to keep our children happy, healthy, well fed, clothes on their back, and a roof over their head. I grew up so fast, and I finished high school, I finished my associates degree, and now onto my bachelors. My husband is over half way done with his bachelors. Age doesn’t always mean maturity. I know people well over the age of 40 who should never procreate because they’re mentally unable to handle that sort of responsibility. My family has always supported me, they’re proud of my decisions and I think even more amazed at how motherhood fit me. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Sure, it was unplanned… but I made the choice to have my baby boy, raise him, and do whatever I had to to keep him healthy, happy, and safe. Kudos to the young mom going off to medical school, that is absolutely amazing. Goddess, I’m glad your way worked for you… you just might want to be more tactful before you totally put people down for the way their life turned out. Some make the better of it, some don’t. Those who don’t worry me. I hate to see a mom feeding a child outside a grocery store while smoking a cigarette, and the mom I saw doing that was well into her 30′s. That’s a woman who mentally isn’t thinking straight. Feeding baby does not equal smoke break. We cannot control everyone else, even when we’re sitting there thinking “some people should never be allowed to procreate”. Such is life, all we can do is live our OWN lives and control and take credit for our own actions.