If your kids are already making out their Christmas or Hanukkah lists, be sure to check them twice to ensure none of these are on there. Unless you have thousands (or hundreds of thousands — or in some cases, millions) of dollars to spare. In which case, I’ll take two of each, please.
The total cost of this very, very special holiday gift list for the very, very special child in your life?
Take a look and see, if you even had the money, whether you would ever buy any of these for your kids:
Diamond Pacifier 1 of 25Forget being born with a silver spoon in your mouth. That's so gauche. Nothing less than 3 carats (or 278 pave set diamonds) will do for your little dah-ling, n'est-ce pas?
Price Tag: $17,000
If you're a sucker for your little sucker, you can buy the diamond-studded sucking device here
Fantasy Coach 2 of 25Is there anything you won't do to ensure your child has sweet dreams? Because nothing says sleep tight louder than the most expensive bed — ever.
Price Tag: $47,000
Make sure the bed bugs don't bite by buying your Cinderella coach here
Dream Folly Yurt 3 of 25If your little princess (or prince) has the most exquisite bed for indoor use, it only stands to reason she (or he) should sleep comfortably, and in style, in the great outdoors as well.
Price Tag: $75,000
Help them become one with nature here
Grand Victorian Playhouse 4 of 25And while they're outside, they should have options. After all, what real estate tycoon-in-training is complete without multiple houses on the compound?
Price Tag: $19,000
Allow your child to realize his or her inner real estate mogul here
Scallywag Sloop Pirate Themed Club House 5 of 25If you child is less lover and more pilferer, only a pirate club house will do.
Price Tag: $20,500
Get it for your little matey here
Red Beard’s Revenge Pirate Ship Playhouse 6 of 25Options, people. It's all about the pirate options.
Price Tag: $52,000
Because one pirate ship is never enough, get this other one here
Edible Gingerbread Playhouse 7 of 25A kid's gotta play. And, you know, eat.
Price Tag: $15,000 (includes free shipping!)
Get your gingerbread while it's hot
Bonzini Babyfoot Barbie Foosball Table 8 of 25Will Barbie really risk chipping a well-manicured toenail? There's only one way to find out.
Price Tag: $24,999.99
Barbie Foosball is on sale here
Barbie Rocks Vintage Pendant Pink Sapphires 9 of 25Can the little doll in your life ever have enough Barbie?
Price Tag: $3,600
Get your Barbie gems here
Jeweled Classic Etch-A-Sketch 10 of 25Because the classic red plastic one is so, well, red and plastic.
Price Tag: $1,499.99
The bejeweled Etch-A-Sketch is available by special order only
Mechanical Noah’s Ark 11 of 25Don't just have your kid study the Bible. Let your kid BE the Bible.
Price Tag: $2,399.99
Get on board here
Lamborghini Aventador Toy Car 12 of 25Why buy a real one when you can spend millions on a toy version? Or, um, something like that.
Price Tag: $4.8 million
Get your motor running (or not, as the case may be) here
Tom Burr Table-Tennis Table 13 of 25Regular ping-pong tables are so, well, army green. Take it up a notch for your future Navratilova, Evert, McEnroe or Roddick. Or several thousand notches.
Price Tag: $45,000
The table-tennis table is available here
iPad Case with Dinosaur Bones 14 of 25Sure, you can get your kid an iPad. But what will make the gift special and unique is the case. With dinosaur bones (the thigh bone of a 65-million-year-old Tyrannosaurus rex, to be exact). Oh yeah, it's also set in 24-carat gold and encrusted with 53 flawless diamonds. You might want to find somewhere to write your kid's name on it in the event it gets lost.
Price Tag: $8 million
Get it here
Ride-On Buffalo 15 of 25If your kids are more Western than prehistoric, how about one of these?
Price Tag: $2,668
Giddyup and get one here
Burberry Leather Dress 16 of 25Because nothing screams classic childhood like a leather dress for toddlers.
Price Tag: $750
The leather dress is available here
Custom Couture 17 of 25If off-the-rack clothes are too, well, common for your cuties, why not let them go couture and design their own clothes?
Price Tag: Varies
If they can dream it, they can wear it — here
D&G Ballet Flats 18 of 25It's all about the accessories, even in the lunchroom. Especially in the lunchroom.
Price Tag: $485
Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize here
Gucci Rolling Backpack 19 of 25A little something to carry it all in.
Price Tag: $1,690
On sale here
Hermes Coloring Book 20 of 25It's the least expensive item on this list, but just assume your kids will only write in it with 24-carat gold pencils, natch.
Price Tag: $135
Get your copy here
Lost In Space B-9 Robot 21 of 25Chances are that no kid today has even seen "Lost in Space," but a 6 ½ foot remote-controlled robot is just awesome anyway. You know, if automatons are your thing.
Price Tag: $24,500
Go back to the future here
Tiffany Piggy Bank in Sterling Silver 22 of 25At only 4.75" high, there's no chance what's inside could be worth more than what the bank itself costs. But there is no minimum age to appreciate a little blue box from Tiffany.
Price Tag: $1,350
Get your oink on here
Color Dogs Canvas Prints II, Set of Four 23 of 25It's not a Warhol, but even the most prominent art collectors need to start somewhere.
Price Tag: $1,200
Because it's cheaper than buying your kids a seat on the board at MOMA, get them a copy here
Morgan Pedal Car 24 of 25Ensure your precious cargo gets from Point A to Point B in style. Ye Olde English style, that is.
Price Tag: $5,788.26
Buy one for your little lord or lady here
Silver Cross Balmoral Pram in Navy 25 of 25Is your wee one too wee to cruise around in a toy car? You can still let the world know how precious your cargo is. Because at nearly 4 grand, this stroller is seriously precocious, er, precious.
Price Tag: $3,995
Make sure your child is strolled around in high style here
Follow Meredith Carroll on Twitter.
Diamonds, Cars, and … Blankies? More of the world’s most luxurious baby gifts