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The 25 Weirdest and Worst Novelty Onesies for Sale Online

By carolyncastiglia |

novelty onesies

Novelty onesies: using your baby as a billboard.

I have mixed feelings about novelty onesies.  The one my daughter is pictured in (at left) as a newborn was a gift from my friend Nichelle, and I loved it.  It says, “Nobody puts baby in the corner.”  Get it?  Dirty Dancing?  It’s a perfect novelty onesie because it’s cute, clever and nostalgic, not to mention harmless.  But you have to be careful when picking out novelty onesies for your baby – and especially for someone else’s – because not all jokey prints are created equal.

Some novelty onesies are crassly funny (“I fart in elevators”) and some are adorable (think screen prints of glittery kittens and cupcakes).  But others are downright snarky (“My mom is prettier than your mom”) and a bit too sexual for my taste.  (“Boob man?”  ”Stud muffin?”  Really?  Your baby boy is a baller?)

If you think any of those are bad, though, I’ll caution you that I spent hours searching the Internet for awful novelty onesies, and boy did I find plenty.  Like The Stir’s 5 T-Shirts You Should Never Ever Let Your Kid Wear to School, here are 25 onesies you should never, ever buy:

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The 25 Weirdest and Worst Novelty Onesies for Sale Online

Ugly

Babies cry all the time, so your baby is bound to cry while you're holding her in this outfit. Only a masochist, someone with a strong air of self-depreciation or an idiot would dress their child in a onesie like this.

 

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About carolyncastiglia

carolyncastiglia

carolyncastiglia

Carolyn Castiglia is a New York-based comedian/writer wowing audiences with her stand-up and freestyle rap. She’s appeared in TONY, The NY Post, The Idiot’s Guide to Jokes and Life & Style. You can find Carolyn’s writing elsewhere online at MarieClaire.com and The Huffington Post. Read bio and latest posts → Read Carolyn's latest posts →

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31 thoughts on “The 25 Weirdest and Worst Novelty Onesies for Sale Online

  1. Diera says:

    Hey, notice how The Stir was able to do this without a slideshow?

  2. Carly says:

    All of these look photoshopped to me. I’m not saying you did it, Carolyn, just stating a fact. Further evidence of the cheapness. The onesies are probably made of lead and mercury.

  3. mama_bear says:

    Maybe if we all stop clicking through the slideshows they’ll stop posting them. And yes the onesie examples seem fakey to me too. If they were collected from a variety of sites they wouldn’t all look the same, right?

  4. HippieBu says:

    the ipood one is actually really cute :)

  5. the orginal Sarah says:

    I didn’t read most of this because of the slideshow, but I wanted to add one that I saw for sale in a store last year. size 3-6 month onesie that said “Screw the formula, pass the Mountain Dew.” yeah.

  6. Cai says:

    At least half of those are complete fakes. Did anybody even look at them before this was published? The lettering on some of them crosses into the armpit without changing at all. The text on the Mile High Club is bigger than the shirt!

    1. carolyncastiglia says:

      None of these are “fake.” They’re all for sale at Cafe Press. There’s a link to each sale page under each photo. The reason they look like that is because Cafe Press doesn’t use a photo of an already printed shirt – they show you the design mockup.

  7. Julie Sarver says:

    I like all of them/ I think they are cute. Would I have my baby wear all of these? No,,,maybe a select few!!

  8. JustPaula says:

    This was super lame. It appears as if these onsies are all from a site like cafepress, where you can have a one of a zillion designs put on ANYTHING – tee-shirt, booty shorts, coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets, hoodies, aprons, mousepads, and yes onsies, bibs, etc. As you can see by the pics, the designs are just super-imposed over a picture of a plain onesie. Half of the designs don’t even fit. I really hope the author isn’t that, let’s say…naive???

  9. Meagan says:

    Why do you guys even care if they are “fake” I know for a fact that they are mock ups like Carolyncastiglia said. I have in fact seen some of these. What’s the big deal if they look fake? I swear some people don’t have brains to even think about what the topic is even about.

  10. jlsjung says:

    I have seen ALOT of those on Cafe Press as well. And the one with the Confederate Flag, I seen for sale last month at a booth at a concert! I dont see a problem with the flag one honestly, But some of those are a ‘bit much’

  11. JustPaula says:

    I may see a design that says ” I HEART BAKING” on Cafe Press that I may get printed on an apron, or a magnet for my fridge. But, I can also get it printed on a g-string….doesn’t mean that is what the design was intended for or that anyone would really consider buying it. I think the author of this article is being a bit disingenuous, saying that these are awful onesies. No. Maybe awful people would choose to have the design essentially ironed-on to a onesie…but, I gather most people who buy many of those designs are putting them on adult tee-shorts and the like.

  12. JustPaula says:

    I may see a design that says ” I HEART BAKING” on Cafe Press that I may get printed on an apron, or a magnet for my fridge. But, I can also get it printed on a g-string….doesn’t mean that is what the design was intended for or that anyone would really consider buying it. I think the author of this article is being a bit disingenuous, saying that these are awful onesies. No. Maybe awful people would choose to have the design essentially ironed-on to a onesie…but, I gather most people who buy many of those designs are putting them on adult tee-shorts and the like.

  13. textmessagebaby says:

    I have to say they do have some funny baby one pieces, but I prefer the organic onesies! :0)

  14. Christina says:

    You know, with these links, sometimes these writers are sooo sensitive! I think MOST of these shirts are just awful to put on a child (or anyone else for that matter), but what’s wrong with “Nobody puts Baby in the corner”? or “ipood”? or “I love pilates”?
    Come on lady! Chill out.

  15. Flower Mom says:

    I find most of these funny! Call me tacky, redneck, whatever you will, but my personal opinion is someone has a stunted sense of humor with entirely too much time on their hands.

  16. Ashley RL says:

    How is ‘boob man’ too sexual? Umm, haven’t you heard of breastfeeding? Ya know, the real reason boobs are there in the first place.

  17. jennifer auld says:

    I like the breastfeeding joke ones. Especially from Hooters. Some of these are just weird, a few are downright wrong, but a few are harmless. Ipood is funny. And I put my daughter in the “I only cry when ugly people hold me” onesie before she went to my ex-step mother’s house. It was a good laugh.

  18. djmalone says:

    i dont see ANYTHING WRONG with the onsie that has the rebal flag on it…im from the south and i WOULD buy that one for my son…just because im a PROUD SOUTHERN WOMAN who dnt care what otherrs think of me

  19. Amanda says:

    I thought some of theses were bogus too. And my lil girl had a nezie that said i cry when ugly people hld me. And i loved it

  20. Beth says:

    I think that some people need to lighten up. Seriously! That sell onesies that are very similar in stores like Hot Topic and Spencers. They are not meant to appeal to every person. My son had a graphic onesie. It said “boob man” on it. He didn’t wear it to church or my parents house, but it was okay at mine and my ex-inlaws house. There’s a time and a place for humor like this. You just have to know when to exercise judgement on it.

    Btw….. Totally LOVE the gun control onesie. I use both hands too. :)

  21. Jessica says:

    Agree with others that many are just font over a onesie example pic. But the onesies can look the same as there are several sites that allow you to create your own t-shirt, hat, mouse pad, onesies (in light blue, light pink, yellow, black ,or white), etc. You can also make shops on those sites to sell the ones you created. Some of these are really sold. I have seen the ” Everyone loves ___”<- insert a hair color , "I only date models", and the Rebel flag ones at places like Spencers and Hot Topic. I have seen the iPood and other various "i" whatever onsies in Dept. Stores. A really cute, funny one I saw was "I'm Cranky. Is there a napp for that?"
    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/sara-kety-baby-kids-graphic-bodysuit-infant/3203603?origin=category&resultback=2052

  22. jackie says:

    the words overlap the edges how stupid do I look.

  23. Nicole says:

    Some of these are just wrong. But I think the author of this is going a little far by calling these “awful”. I think whoever wrote this needs to grow a sense of humor, because some of these are pretty funny. Lighten up a bit and don’t take life so seriously!!

  24. Elexis says:

    Ive actually seen a onesie that said “im proof mommy likes to f**k” which i thought was hysterical but i would never put it on my son.

  25. Valerie says:

    Uh have people lost there minds!

  26. Holly says:

    I viewed them for amusement. I would not have considered putting any of them on my children. I’ve seen worse than the ones shown. In fact, the one that comes to mind is too inappropriate to post. But its talking about what daddy wanted and wound with a baby instead.

  27. Ashly G. Fontenot says:

    I find most of these, if not all, in extreme poor taste. I am not, however, a prude; for instance, I saw one that I liked in a local store here and It was black with a yellow lightening bolt, like the AC/DC album, but it read: “AB (Lightening Bolt) CD…

    To me, very cute, and respectful of all…

    Ashly Gay (my actual middle name.)

  28. Shayb37 says:

    The authors comments make them a lot funnier! But for most grown adults with half a sense of humor, we can “Get it”. Honestly we have bigger problems than this like teen pregnancy, STI’s, and getting parents to raise their own children. It’s a joke…it’s all a joke.

  29. Rhonda says:

    they all look superimposed to me. and some of them aren’t that bad. honestly i thought babble would keep their writers from all writing the same article with different words over and over.

  30. Stephanie says:

    Ha Ha! I didnt see a single one that was that offensive…I have seen a lot of ones that are a LOT worse. For example “Too cute to play with your ugly ass kid” (my husband wanted to buy that one..I told him NO ABSOLUTELY NOT!) But we did get the one that says “Hugs 25 (cents) but you can wipe my ass for free” and a red one that says “I love Boobies” that looks like the Coca Cola can…like someone said before there is a time and place for all of these… I personally think people need to lighten up! But that is just my opinion…. :)

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