Most parents know all about the little mentioned but much feared adversary of the modern family: the dreaded 5 Minute Car Nap. It is an insidious creature that tricks small children into thinking they’ve napped, when they really haven’t.
The first key feature of the 5 Minute Car Nap is the failed transfer. Your child may have fallen asleep in the car two blocks from your house and be snoring in bliss, but you will not be able to get that child out of the car and into the house without them waking up.
You may have a minute where you see that precious face asleep in your rear view mirror and think: “This is great! I will just carry my child into the house and enjoy an hour of peace and quiet where I will have the opportunity to pee with the door closed, fold laundry while watching Bravo or perhaps play some Words With Friends.” Then you silently unbuckle the car seat and are met with the ear piercing whines and boneless flopping about that presage a very long afternoon indeed.
The second key feature? Your child will be both ill-tempered for the rest of the day and will refuse to go back to sleep on the grounds that they have already had a nap. Because the 5 Minute Car Nap is a damn dirty liar.
The third feature is of course the relationship between how much you need your child to sleep and how likely it is they will succumb to the nefarious powers of the 5 Minute Car Nap. Do you have a work deadline and just need one hour to finish? Or are you at your wit’s end and need a break so you don’t lose your schmidt? Have you failed to shower for the past two days and were counting on naptime to de-funk yourself? Is Downton Abbey on tonight and you really, really want your kids to be asleep by 9?
TFB. It’s not going to happen now.
So it’s no wonder at all why this mommy was willing to do anything to keep her little boy from falling in the car two streets from home. Is she crazy? Crazy like a fox. You have to do whatever it takes to beat the 5 Minute Car Nap.
Read more from Julie at her blog Rants from MommyLand. Follow Julie on Facebook and Twitter for additional goofy nonsense at no extra charge. You can catch up on her posts for Strollerderby, too – where she is often slightly less stupid.