Graduation speeches are inspiring. That is, when they’re not riddled with clichés and totally useless, ethereal advice.
Because, really, all the wrong people are giving commencement speeches. Who should be giving graduation speeches are those who will never give them because no one will ever ask them. Because they shouldn’t be giving them. Which is why they’d be perfect.
The folks at Late Night with Jimmy Fallon get that, and so they asked Twitter users to tweet their graduation speeches using the hashtag #MyGraduationSpeech.
Check out these six gems that rolled in as a result:
What a special moment: So many people I never want to see again, all in one place. Treasure this day.
When you see me at McDonalds, please order from someone else.
The sad news about graduation is that if you made it this far in school, you’ll never go pro in sports.
I’d like to thank all the lunch ladies for being such tremendous flirts. Thank for the extra chicken nuggets, dolls.
Some of you will marry each other, others will meet their loved ones later on, most of you are Craigslist hookup material.
Does anyone else realize we’re all wearing square pieces of cardboard on our heads?
Photo credit & source: LateNightwithJimmyFallon.com