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The Hubs, Preggers, Totes, Adorbs and the Sluttiest Word in the English Language

Even The Biebs doesn't know what the f#@k you just said, and he's well-versed in the dialect.

I am fearful of writing this post and offending some of my mommyblogger friends who are maybe preggers and sporting huge but adorbs baby bumps courtesy of The Hubs who is hoping for a DS but my awesomesauce friends are, like, wanting a DD, natch, but really will take whatever comes just so long as it comes with a babymoon or, even better, a push present.

At risk of offending these friends, I am going to plow forward.

Perhaps you can guess where this is going … Namely, what is up with the mom set talking like a bunch of tweens?

Have you noticed this strange and annoying phenomenon? I think it started as a tongue-in-cheek kind of thing. A way to be informal and silly on the internet, to make words more conversational, maybe?

I’m just casting around here, but maybe, like me, these women started sprinkling the word “like” into sentences.  Using it in the same way many people do when they, like, are trying to tell a story in person.  “And he was like… And I was like…”

I can dig that. In fact, in many cases I prefer it and get annoyed by the Grammar Police of the internet who feel the need to adhere strictly to a bunch of rules learned in 9th grade English when most of us don’t naturally speak that way. I’m all for informality and, when writing blog posts, I don’t subscribe to a lot of grammatical rules of thumb, particularly when it feels awkward to do so and wouldn’t necessarily apply to how I would naturally speak. I bandy around the word ain’t with my tongue firmly in cheek so I can understand the overuse of the word “like” as an attempt to be casual and funny.

But …

First it was the abbreviations. DH, DS, DD. What the? It took me ages to figure out what that stuff meant. At first I thought there was an overwhelming number of women with family members sporting the same initials. I finally stumbled onto some kind of abbreviation key on a forum somewhere and got it all sorted out.

So yeah, okay, instead of just typing daughter (which, quiet frankly, is a whole lot easier to peck out then messing with the CAPS key or the shift key or whatever) you want to abbreviate and call her your D(ear) D(aughter) or your Darling Husband. I can be down with that even though I would never, no never, call my husband Darling, even if he just scrubbed the bathroom and cooked me dinner. And, quite honestly, I’m still not sure if the first D stands for “darling” or “dear” but, whatever.

Soon after that I started seeing a lot of OMG-ing all over the place. It swept the nation! The OMG wave rolled right over the tweens and teens and twenty-somethings and before anyone, including God, knew what was happening thirty and forty-something women were riding the wave, OMG-ing with abandon. Reckless abandon. I am certainly guilty of availing myself of far more OMGs than any blogger has a right to so I’m pointing the finger inward, too, lest you think my tone too accusatory.

Before long I noticed women utilizing the term The Hubs and it was then that I became suspect of this childish chit-chat taking place among so many women who, in all likelihood, graduated high school when The Biebs was still in diapers. That is when I stamped my virtual foot firmly down on internet soil and said to myself, “Wow. Just wow (ugh!). We done lost our marbles, mom friends. Our speech? It is SO not totes adorbs at all and I fear that it is, in fact, an epic mom fail.

Because The Hubs is just … yuck.

Ever seen that episode of Seinfeld (Of course you have!) where Jerry has the girlfriend that he gets all schmoopy with? It’s only one of the greatest episodes ever (The Soup Nazi episode, as a matter of fact) starring Babble’s own brilliantly talented Ali Wentworth as the girlfriend. Anyway, The Hubs is a married couple version of schmoopy. You start a sentence telling me about The Hubs and I don’t hear a thing after you utter or write the term. All I can focus on is A) swallowing the bile that rushed up my esophagus and B) Oh man, she said THE HUBS. I don’t know if I can really and truly like her after that.

After The Hubs hit the scene it was a veritable blog bonanza of juvenile jive.  Mass mayhem broke out. Blogs of brilliant women were often reduced to the fevered missives of junior high school girls scratched into diaries under cover of night and duvet.

So totes adorbs!

Natch!

And I was all like NO WAY!

And he was like, uh huh!

OMG! DH, like, totes got me the best push present ever! We are going on a babymoon!

And then there was the Mommy Proliferation. The rampant and horrific overuse of the words mom and mommy, which is now officially the sluttiest word in the English language. We’ve taken a sweet word that was once only uttered out of the mouths of babes, violently forced it upon any and every word we possibly can and then proudly proclaimed ourselves clever.

Mominate a momoir writing mompreneur!

The Mommy Wars between mommybloggers are filled with the momversations of a bunch of sanctimommies too busy pointing fingers to see the forest for the trees … Such momsense! Okay, I think I made that last one up but you get my point.  It’s a momstrocity! We’re just a bunch of momism mombies.

What happened to us? We are brilliant, hilarious, wordy women that have reduced our expansive vocabularies to the point that many of our blog posts sound like letters we wrote to our best girlfriends … in 1990.

Listen, I get it, I do. I’m not trying to be the word police here and I know everyone is just having fun but, at some point, all fun goes bad. Someone at the party puts the lampshade on their head, someone else pukes in the washing machine and, well, I think we’ve reached that point with our internet vernacular. It was fun, we had a good time, but can we all stop with the talking like a couple of tweens anxiously waiting for the Taylor Swift concert to start?

What say you? Are you still riding the wave or have you had enough of the like, so totes adorbsness of it all? And if you are over it, what phrases and words annoy you the most?

 Photo Credit: funnyordie.com

 

More From Monica on Strollerderby:

The Pump and Dump Explained: ‘I Could Be Tanked by Christmas’

5 Things You Should Never Say to a Working Mom

Couple Finds Python In Crib Wrapped Around Baby

You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who.

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