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The Lies Parents Tell

I have lied to my daughter. I have already started her down the make believe road of Santa Claus and his worldwide visiting frenzy each December 25th.

I want her to believe in Christmas. I want it to be a magical time and I am willing to risk the huge letdown she’ll feel when she finds the truth in exchange for several years of mind blowing joy. I am hopping on board the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny trains as well. Life is chock full of depression, pain, sadness so hell, why not indulge in a few years of magic?

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are the classic parenting lies. But parenting is filled with lies. In an article on Patch.com Chris Sansbury asked readers to share the lies their parents have told them. I also solicited my Facebook pals who offered up some doozies.

The Classic Lies

“If you sit too close to the TV, you’ll go blind.”

“Stop making that face, or your face will get stuck that way” or “If you cross your eyes too much they’ll stay that way” or “If the wind blew when I was making a grumpy face that my face would stay that way forever…”

“The crust is the best part of the sandwich.”

Lies For A Good Reason

“That if I ate too many sweet things I would get worms in my tummy! Nice…”

“Every year, my mom and I seemed to ‘miss’ the deadline to sign up for cheerleading. Good call, Mom.”

‘I’ll Make You Behave’ Lies

“Every homeless person became that way from getting C’s on their report card.”

“My mom told us if we had premarital sex we would die. Just die.”

“My dad told me not to get out of bed at night, or the monsters that lived under my bed would reach out and drag me under.”

“That my nose would grow like Pinocchio if I lied.  Which is bizarre because THAT was a lie to keep me from lying.  Parents are such hypocrites!”

“If you don’t stop it right now I’m going to turn this car around!  They never turned the car around.”

“My mom told me she had seen someone’s arm get ripped off from him hanging it out the car window.”

‘Avoiding the Truth’ Lies

“We took your dog Muffy to go live on a beautiful farm, in Canada.”

“My parents kept buying replacement parakeets, and telling me it was ‘Birdie’ even though it would look and act different, instead of telling me the bird had died.”

“My mom told my sister that hookers were ladies that made rugs on the side of the road.”

Lies Parents Tell For Their Own Entertainment

“People would say, ‘Oh, your kids are so cute. Can we have them?’ and my parents would reply, “Yes!” It scared me to death and gave me nightmares.”

“If you swallow those watermelon seeds, watermelons will grow in your stomach.”

“My dad told my brother that the brown spots on the banana were the best part. My brother was 23 before he finally said, ‘Well, I don’t like the brown part best,’ and it dawned on him that my father had been lying.”

“My mom used to tell me Chinese duck sauce was made with “duck feces.” I still have a hard time eating it.”

What lies did your parents tell you and do you find yourself repeating those lies to your children?

This nervous mom admits: I Lie About My Child’s Age!

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