The Pain of Kids Waaaaay After Birth


badbabySo there’s the stretching cervix, the contracting uterus, the post-op recovery, the general fatigue. But as anyone with a toddler knows, the physical pain of becoming a parent doesn’t end in the hospital or during those first few weeks resting comfortably at home.

For a lot of us, birth pain is just a teaser. The big stuff — head butts, biting, deep, deep lacerations caused by fingernails — make the hours of labor and recovery seem like a day at the spa.

MSNBC talks to moms and dads in When Babies Attack and gives us the worst of the worst. Scratched corneas, broken noses and bitten-off nipples. Yowza!

All three of my babies have been precocious teethers — the first four teeth coming in before they reached five months old. And all of them went through a biting phase. But my son — my youngest — has elicited the most and loudest screams from me, which sometimes cause him to cry … and other times to laugh. At me. Screaming. (Next post: are babies inherently evil?)

He’s also way into head-butting his father. And when not chewing on my nipples, he likes grabbing this jowly bit below my chin. Such delicate fingers. Such a tight grip!

He pinches his sisters arms in the back seat of the car.

My middle child, a tank since birth who loved to be carried, is responsible for destroying the cartilige in the joint of a toe on my right foot. I’m now an ibuprofen addict.

My oldest once thought screaming instead of whispering while her lips were right next to my ear would be hilarious! I regained most of my hearing a few hours later.

But the MSNBC article talks of far worse — one mom thought she’d need reconstructive surgery. Which makes me wonder about you? How have your little ones beat the crap out of you?

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Photo: MSNBC