I’m staring down the barrel of a protracted few weeks until my 5-year-old starts kindergarten and my toddler’s regular activities resume after a summer hiatus.
Which means we have some loooooooong days on our hands. When I first became a mom, I longed for quiet and calm. I craved it. I ached for it.
Now when I get it, I have my finger on the panic button, ready for a DEFCON 1-level situation to present itself, which it invariably does.
Here are seven reasons why the sound of silence in a home with small children means nothing good — ever:
The Sound of Silence 1 of 8
You know you're a parent when you hear nothing but the sound of silence and you get a distinct feeling of dread and doom in the pit of your stomach.
Screen Time Overdose 2 of 8
If it's quiet for too long, there's a good chance the kids are in a screen-induced coma. Fortunately, a highly trained medical team should be able to let you know all will be OK if the swelling subsides after 72 hours.
Feathers 3 of 8
Who knew there was such fluffy fun to be found inside a pillow? The children who were told to play quietly in their room, that's who.
What? Feathers don't make any noise.
Hostage Crisis 4 of 8
We're not naming any names, but someone thought the best way to stay silent would be to muzzle everything smaller than him or her in the house, including the loveys and the other child whom you insisted on giving birth to.
Four Words 5 of 8
Water Sports 6 of 8
The good news: No one will ever mistake a plunger for a hat ever again.
The bad news: Someone needs an emergency midday bath.
Magic Markers 7 of 8
Note to self: When asking not to be disturbed, be sure to clarify that this does not apply when the drawing paper runs out.
Unauthorized Naps 8 of 8
Sleep is never a bad thing. Except when it happens at a time — say, late in the afternoon — that necessarily means they will wake up fresh as a daisy and raring to go at 6 p.m. for a revised bedtime of 1 a.m.
Photo credits: iStockphoto
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