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The Top 5 Most Completely Bonkers Political Candidates of 2012

You know the election cycle has gone completely haywire when you’re like, “Gee, I really miss Christine O’Donnell and her whole ‘I am not a witch, I’m you’ thing. She seemed so sane.”

Generally, I try to stay out of politics in my writings. That’s what Facebook is for, right? But this year we have a few candidates who are so absolutely batsh*t crazy that I need to talk about them.

I’m not talking about the fun kind of crazy we saw in last night’s vice presidential debate. I’m talking about the crazy kind of crazy.

I’m well aware that there are several other candidates, from every party, that have displayed astonishing levels of hypocrisy. However, being hypocritical isn’t quite the same as being completely bonkers.

Let’s take a look at my Top 5 Most Completely Bonkers Candidates of 2012, and then we’ll take a closer look at the one who gets the trophy as the most completely off his rocker. Believe me, it’s some tough competition!

 


  • The Top 5 Most Completely Bonkers Political Candidates of 2012 1 of 15
    The Top 5 Most Completely Bonkers Political Candidates of 2012
    I really wish I could embed Patsy Cline's "Crazy" to play while you read this. I can't, so if you could just kind of hum it while you read, that would be great.
  • Bonkers Candidate #1: Arkansas State Rep. Loy Mauch (R-Bismarck) 2 of 15
    Bonkers Candidate #1: Arkansas State Rep. Loy Mauch (R-Bismarck)
    Arkansas State Rep. Loy Mauch (R-Bismarck) apparently makes a hobby out of writing pro-slavery letters to the editor. "Nowhere in the Holy Bible have I found a word of condemnation for the operation of slavery, Old or New Testament. If slavery was so bad, why didn't Jesus, Paul or the prophets say something?" he wrote in one letter.

    In another, he questions whether slavery is actually illegal. "The 14th Amendment completely destroyed the Founders' concept of limited government...and in my opinion was never legally ratified as required by Article V of the Constitution." In yet another letter, he refers to President Abraham Lincoln as a "fake this neurotic Northern war criminal."

    (Photo Credit: Loy Mauch for Arkansas Legislature District 26)
  • Bonkers Candidate #2: Arkansas State Rep. Jon Hubbard (R-Jonesboro) 3 of 15
    Bonkers Candidate #2: Arkansas State Rep. Jon Hubbard (R-Jonesboro)
    Arkansas State Rep. Jon Hubbard (R-Jonesboro) Jon Hubbard has written that slavery was a blessing in disguise for African-Americans, who otherwise would never have gotten to live in our great nation. Wait, what? Here's a direct quote from his self-published book, as reported by the Arkansas Times: "The institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise. The blacks who could endure those conditions and circumstances would someday be rewarded with citizenship in the greatest nation ever established upon the face of the Earth."

    Rep. Hubbard also believes that exterminating immigrants will soon become necessary. "The immigration issue, both legal and illegal...will lead to planned wars or extermination. Although now this seems to be barbaric and uncivilized, it will at some point become as necessary as eating and breathing."

    (Photo Credit: Jon Hubbard for Arkansas)
  • Bonkers Candidate #3: Tennessee Democrat Candidate for U.S. Senate Mark Clayton 4 of 15
    Bonkers Candidate #3: Tennessee Democrat Candidate for U.S. Senate Mark Clayton
    Conspiracy theorist Mark Clayton is running for U.S. Senate on the Democratic ticket. On his website, Mr. Clayton vows to "work to shut down the Transportation Security Administration immediately," because "it mandates transexuals and homosexuals grabbing children in their stranger-danger zones in the name of airport security." and "demand the enforcement of constitutional protections against drones and electronic spying by the government as well as businesses who also spy on Americans."

    He's also very concerned that the federal government puts "a secret electronic tag inside" Tennessee drivers' licenses. Clayton's campaign slogan is "Everybody Has a Voice." He just doesn't mention that the voices are in his head.

    (Photo Credit: Clayton for Senate)
  • Campaign Swag Suggestion 5 of 15
    Campaign Swag Suggestion
    You know those fun hats you see people wearing at the political conventions? Here's my suggestion for campaign swag for Mark Clayton, Democrat candidate for Senate, Tennessee. Everyone looks great in a tinfoil hat!

    (Photo Credit: iStockphoto)
  • Bonkers Candidate #4: New York State Senate Republican/Conservative Candidate Mindy Meyer 6 of 15
    Bonkers Candidate #4: New York State Senate Republican/Conservative Candidate Mindy Meyer
    Mindy Meyer, who is running for New York State Senate on both the Republican and Conservative Party tickets, is crazy...like a fox. With the campaign motto "I'm Senator and I know it", Ms. Meyer has demonstrated that what she lacks in experience, she makes up for in totally understanding how the Internet works.

    Her website, which is sparkly, hot pink, and utilizes a leopard print font, has garnered her all kinds of free publicity. Ms. Meyer recently cited the movie Legally Blonde as a major inspiration in her life. "To be honest with you, the reason why I initially wanted to attend law school is because I'd watched Legally Blonde and saw Elle Woods," Meyer told City & State. "She showed me you could go to Harvard and make it sophisticated. Pink is my favorite color, so that's technically my inspiration, everything pink," she said.

    Granted, Ms. Meyer isn't really in the same league with the rest of the whack jobs in this article, but I really needed to share her website with you.

    (Photo Credit: Mindy Meyer for NYS Senate)
  • ‘Diva of the District’ 7 of 15
    'Diva of the District'
    The only thing Mindy Meyer's website is missing is videos of kittens.

    (Photo Credit: Mindy Meyer for NYS Senate)
  • Bonkers Candidate #4: Wisconsin State Rep. Roger Rivard (R-Rice Lake) 8 of 15
    Bonkers Candidate #4: Wisconsin State Rep. Roger Rivard (R-Rice Lake)
    Wisconsin State Rep. Roger Rivard (R-Rice Lake) was recently quoted as saying "some girls, they rape so easy." Later, he said it was taken out of context, explaining that it was fatherly advice he had been given. This doesn't help, because there's actually no good context for that statement, ever.

    (Photo Credit: Rivard for Assembly)
  • Bonkers Candidate #5: Charlie Fuqua, Conservative Candidate for Arkansas State Legislature 9 of 15
    Bonkers Candidate #5: Charlie Fuqua, Conservative Candidate for Arkansas State Legislature
    Charlie Fuqua, a conservative candidate for Arkansas State Legislature, has already served once as an Arkansas State Representative, from 1997 to 1999. In a book he self-published this year, Mr. Fuqua advocates the death penalty for rebellious children, deporting all American Muslims, and forcibly sterilizing "unsupportive" parents.

    (Photo Credit: Charlie Fuqua For State Representative)
  • And the winner is… 10 of 15
    And the winner is...
    Charlie Fuqua! In this election cycle, it takes a really astounding effort to win this trophy. For completely trashing and distorting everything that this country really stands for, he's our winner.

    Let's take a closer look at some of Mr. Fuqua's views.

    (Photo Credits: iStockphoto, U.S. Government Archives, Charlie Fuqua for State Representative)
  • Charlie Fuqua: Disrespectful children should get the death penalty. 11 of 15
    Charlie Fuqua: Disrespectful children should get the death penalty.
    Charlie Fuqua endorses the death penalty for children who don't respect their parents. That's a pretty big leap from time-outs, isn't it? In his book, God's Law, as quoted in the Arkansas Times, he wrote: "The maintenance of civil order in society rests on the foundation of family discipline. Therefore, a child who disrespects his parents must be permanently removed from society in a way that gives an example to all other children of the importance of respect for parents. The death penalty for rebellious children is not something to be taken lightly. The guidelines for administering the death penalty to rebellious children are given in Deut 21:18-21."

    Oh, well alrighty then.

    (Photo Credit: iStockphoto)
  • Charlie Fuqua: Advocates deporting all American Muslims 12 of 15
    Charlie Fuqua: Advocates deporting all American Muslims
    In his 2012 book, God's Law, Fuqua wrote "I see no solution to the Muslim problem short of expelling all followers of the religion from the United States."

    "Everything that is wrong with the United States will be corrected only when we turn back to the Biblical principles followed by our founding fathers," Mr. Fuqua wrote on his blog.

    I guess we're supposed to ignore the part where our founding fathers declared "that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Also, you'd think that as a lawyer, he might have come across something in law school about the First Amendment: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

    I'm pretty sure my kids covered that in Fourth Grade Social Studies, actually.
  • Charlie Fuqua: Minimum wage should be set at zero 13 of 15
    Charlie Fuqua: Minimum wage should be set at zero
    "The minimum wage should be set at zero," Fuqua says in his book (as quoted by the Arkansas Times). "It is simply a lie that raising the minimum wage helps people at the low end of the pay scale." That's probably not going to help the 37.5 million American women who were paid either exactly the prevailing minimum wage, or below, in 2011.

    (Photo Credit: iStockphoto)
  • Charlie Fuqua: Distorting the Bible 14 of 15
    Charlie Fuqua: Distorting the Bible
    Charlie Fuqua has quite a penchant for taking Biblical quotes out of context. "When I was criticizing President Obama's redistribution philosophy," he wrote on his blog, "a liberal friend once asked me, 'Charlie, what would Jesus say?' I told her I knew exactly what Jesus would say. He would say 'thou shall not steal!'"

    Dude may want to re-read some of the New Testament. actually. Some other quotes he might want to take to heart about Jesus' views on "redistribution":
    "Love your enemies." (Matthew 5:44)
    "God loves a cheerful giver."( 2 Corinthians 9:7)
    "Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and distributed them to the people. Afterward he did the same with the fish. And they all ate as much as they wanted." (John 6:11)

    (Photo Credit: Charlie Fuqua for State Representative)
  • Charlie Fuqua: Thinks his views are ‘well-accepted by most people’ 15 of 15
    Charlie Fuqua: Thinks his views are 'well-accepted by most people'
    "I think my views are fairly well-accepted by most people," Fuqua said to an AP reporter this week, as reported in the Washington Post. I'm terrified by his delusions.

    (Photo Credit: Charlie Fuqua for State Representative)

Read more from Joslyn at Babble Pets and at her blog, stark. raving. mad. mommy. You can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

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