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Toddler Needs $46,000 A Month To Get By, Says Supermodel

My son needs $46,000 a month (bare minimum!) to get by.

I’ve never liked Linda Evangelista.  Not that, like, we meet up at dinner parties and she snubs me or anything.  She’s just always rubbed me the wrong way.  I suppose I’ve just read various articles about her and after about the tenth or eleventh one decided where there’s smoke, there’s fire and that she’s probably not a very nice person.

Turns out, I was right. Or I’m about as vindicated in my dislike as I’ll get, because, get this, the supermodel (God, I hate that term) is asking her baby-daddy (who also happens to be Salma Hayek’s billionaire baby-daddy and husband) for $46,000 a month in child support.  No, not a year.  Not a decade.  A MONTH.

According to Evangelista, the sum is the “minimum required” for 4-year-old Augustin James to provide for the boy in the manner in which he has grown accustomed.

Robert Frank from Yahoo consulted a “lifestyle management firm for wealthy families” (lifestyle management firm for wealthy families?  gag!) and learned how a 4-year-old living in Manhattan could burn through $46,000.

“At first glance, $46,000 seems like an extraordinary amount and it is,” Natasha Pearl, from the “lifestyle management firm” says.  “But for a fortunate child in New York, it is actually absolutely conceivable that his expenses could approach $50,000 a month.”

Here’s how:

Childcare: Of course Augustin needs a team of full-time nannies.  Pearl says that his care would require three nannies, with two rotating on full schedule and another as a backup. “That third nanny preferably has some specialty skill, like teaching the kid Mandarin,” Ms. Pearl said. “And if he’s a boy, the third staffer might be a manny to run him around the park and throw him baseballs.”

Total cost: About $23,000 a month, at least.

School: Pearl estimates Augustin’s preschool running around $2,500 a month.

Clothing: The boy absolutely must be clothed in all the top brands, right?  No Carters or Osh-Kosh for this little guy.  Augustin’s clothing expenses are estimated to run a minimum of $3,000 a month.

Extracurriculars: As Frank reports, “fencing, chess, French lessons, soccer and all the other add-ons that are required for any successful Manhattan 4-year-old will easily run another $2,000 to $5,000 a month.”  FENCING?  For a 4-year-old?

Drivers: According to lifestyle management expert for the wealthy, Natasha Pearl (do you think that’s her real name?) Augustin absolutely needs his own driver.  I mean, what if he needs to be at school at 8 am and Linda is out clubbing until 2 am?  What then?  That could run anywhere from   $6,000 to $8,000 a month.

That puts us at $41,000 and as Frank says, “we haven’t even gotten to his daily sushi intake or his expense account at F.A.O. Schwartz”.

This kind of stuff makes me absolutely sick. I don’t care if you can afford it, it doesn’t mean you should. Nobody, not even the Obama’s should have three nannies and a back up. If that’s what you require, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE CHILDREN. Does this story bother you or do you pay it no mind because it’s their money so they should do what they want with it?

P.S. Does the title of supermodel just live on forever? Like, when they’re ninety will we still reference them as supermodels? Like how we call living presidents Mr. President long after they’ve left office? I’m ready for a moratorium on the word supermodel.

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