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Top 10: Subtle Ways to Tell Him He's Going Bald

ask men, top 10, subtle ways fat

Let him know how ugly he is, but BE SUBTLE.

You may have seen Ask Men’s wildly hilarious piece Top 10: Subtle Ways To Tell Her She’s Getting Fat, since it was circulating pretty widely on the Internet today. (Circulating widely … like her butt … am I right, fellas??? Man, life was way more funner before women and black people got paid to work.)

Ask Men’s post is full of laugh-out-loud funny suggestions like “Buy her clothes that are too small” (you know, a nice tight outfit she can wear while watching Gaslight or other Victorian-era films filled with corsets) and “Sign her up for yoga under the pretense of ‘stress relief.’” (Cuz Lord knows the way you’ve started to pull away and secretly loathe her for gaining weight isn’t cause for actual stress!) Now, I know I’m just a girl in the world, but I thought I’d try to stretch my brain muscles (to make them longer and leaner!) and see if I could come up with a similar list of ways we chubby ladies could tell our fellas that they’re, well, getting a little thin up top.

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  • Take him to the hairdresser… 1 of 10
    Take him to the hairdresser...
    ...then have her say, "Um, looks like you don't need me!"
    Photo via Flickr
  • Buy him a box of Just For Men under the pretense that he has hair… 2 of 10
    Buy him a box of Just For Men under the pretense that he has hair...
    ...then leave a note next to it saying, "I thought this would look better on your balding head than shoe polish!"
    Photo via Flickr
  • Shave your head… 3 of 10
    Shave your head...
    ...and tell him you're thinking about becoming a Buddhist monk. Maybe he'll get the hint and want to join you in doing something productive with his glaring physical flaw.
    Photo via Flickr
  • Take him shopping… 4 of 10
    Take him shopping...
    ...and ask him if the mannequins look familiar.
    Photo via Flickr
  • Cheat on him… 5 of 10
    Cheat on him...
    ...with a really hairy guy.
    Photo via Flickr
  • Leave clown wigs around the house… 6 of 10
    Leave clown wigs around the house...
    ...as a subtle hint.
    Photo via Flickr
  • Ask him to put on an old baseball cap… 7 of 10
    Ask him to put on an old baseball cap...
    ...then say, "Maybe you left some hair inside this."
    Photo via Flickr
  • Use your boobs to get his attention! 8 of 10
    Use your boobs to get his attention!
  • Save some hair from your next waxing session… 9 of 10
    Save some hair from your next waxing session...
    ...and when you get home, take that gooey wax ball covered in curly hairs and smoosh it down on his head, then say, "There, that looks better!"
    Photo via Flickr
  • Take him to a place where he has to wear a swimsuit… 10 of 10
    Take him to a place where he has to wear a swimsuit...
    ...he'll feel right at home.
    Photo via Flickr

Main photo via Flickr

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