Top 10: Subtle Ways to Tell Him He's Going Bald
Let him know how ugly he is, but BE SUBTLE.
You may have seen Ask Men’s wildly hilarious piece Top 10: Subtle Ways To Tell Her She’s Getting Fat, since it was circulating pretty widely on the Internet today. (Circulating widely … like her butt … am I right, fellas??? Man, life was way more funner before women and black people got paid to work.)
Ask Men’s post is full of laugh-out-loud funny suggestions like “Buy her clothes that are too small” (you know, a nice tight outfit she can wear while watching Gaslight or other Victorian-era films filled with corsets) and “Sign her up for yoga under the pretense of ‘stress relief.’” (Cuz Lord knows the way you’ve started to pull away and secretly loathe her for gaining weight isn’t cause for actual stress!) Now, I know I’m just a girl in the world, but I thought I’d try to stretch my brain muscles (to make them longer and leaner!) and see if I could come up with a similar list of ways we chubby ladies could tell our fellas that they’re, well, getting a little thin up top.
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Take him to the hairdresser...
...then have her say, "Um, looks like you don't need me!"
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Buy him a box of Just For Men under the pretense that he has hair...
...then leave a note next to it saying, "I thought this would look better on your balding head than shoe polish!"
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Shave your head...
...and tell him you're thinking about becoming a Buddhist monk. Maybe he'll get the hint and want to join you in doing something productive with his glaring physical flaw.
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Take him shopping...
...and ask him if the mannequins look familiar.
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Cheat on him...
...with a really hairy guy.
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Leave clown wigs around the house...
...as a subtle hint.
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Ask him to put on an old baseball cap...
...then say, "Maybe you left some hair inside this."
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Use your boobs to get his attention!
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Save some hair from your next waxing session...
...and when you get home, take that gooey wax ball covered in curly hairs and smoosh it down on his head, then say, "There, that looks better!"
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Take him to a place where he has to wear a swimsuit...
...he'll feel right at home.
Photo via Flickr
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Not really the same thing. You can do something about getting fat. There is nothing he can do about going bald. This seems unneccesarily cruel. Pointing out that your partner is getting fat doesn’t have to be, and there are many, many people who do not find fat bodies appealing.
Oh, Andrea . . .drop dead already.
Yes, personally I would love it if my husband told me I was getting fat, because that would make me feel really good about myself, and secure in our love. In fact, I would give him some roses and tell him that I think he should be more bald because I want to return his kindness.
Drop dead already…whoa a bit callous:) At least you have the nerve to type it out loud. Me over here saying over and over in my head is this lady for real, the whole post is HILARIOUS!!! Keep em coming.
I’m all over that hairy dude. Hair vests are totally hot. In a “muffin tops are totally hot” kinda way.