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True Story: A Company Exists Just to Celebrate a Girl's First Period

Menarche Parties R'Us

The period party pack

Sure, I write a lot about my daughters. But for everything I share, believe me, there’s much I don’t share. As in, a lot. I hate when Michelle Obama publicly overshares about her daughters, for instance. Growing up can be hard enough as it is, but to have your super-famous mom talk about your Body Mass Index (particularly when the context is that it’s too high)? Ugh. How embarrassing.

And I get celebrating stuff. I love celebrating birthdays. I adore my family to bits, and getting to shower them with an extra dose of specialness on the anniversary of their respective births brings me much joy.

Here’s what I really don’t get, however: Celebrating a girl’s first menstrual cycle. Or celebrating any menstrual cycle, really. Because that’s now a thing, apparently.

Unless you’re Margaret in “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret,” you don’t want your period. OK, maybe if you’re worried you might be carrying a mistaken pregnancy you’d be happy about getting your period, too. But other than that? What, exactly, is there to celebrate? The bloating? The cramps? The skin breakouts? Good times.

However, let’s just say for a moment that there’s something wrong with you and you actually want to celebrate your daughter’s first period (beyond taking her out for an ice cream cone, maybe). Do you play “Lady in Red” on a continuous loop on the iPod? Do you ask the ladies in your mahjong group to bring her boxes of designer Kotex? Or are PMS tea and a heating pad for cramps more appropriate gifts?

Don’t sweat the details. There is a company that will do it for you, according to Lovelyish (via Café Mom). It’s called Menarche Parties R’Us and the sole purpose of their existence is to help you plan:

Create a life time of memories for your daughter by hosting a menarche party for her.  A menarche party can make this time easier and more meaningful for both the young lady beginning menstruation and her parents.

The site sells a “party pack,” which includes a Pin the Ovaries game, Puberty Marshmallow game, Menstrual Trivia game, Positively Puberty game, and, you know, plates and napkins.

What doesn’t appear to be included in the party pack are instructions on how to reconcile the utter horror that an adolescent, developing girl must endure when the focus of a party is on the fluid coming out of her vagina.

Is there a website and a party pack for that? Because maybe until there is, you might think about holding off on the streamers and the Private Days Feminine Disposal Bags in the loot bags (both of which are also included in the Menarche Parties R’Us party pack). If not, the lifetime of memories you’ll be creating may not be the ones you intended.

Would you ever?

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