Like an idiot I had envisioned us crafting Valentines together at the dining room table. Stuffing envelopes with cards that she had signed with her chicken scratch V-I-O-L-E-T.
Or course, that got old after it took us a half hour to address three Valentines. After that I distracted her with chocolate and finished the rest on my own.
Did you know they barely even sell Valentines with envelopes anymore? Most of the crap on sale is this new-fangled type of cardboard card with perforated edges that kind of folds together. No quaint little envelope to address or stuff with candy. No pithy little Valentine to delight upon. Just some cardboard piece of nothing showcasing Spongebob wishing you a sponge-tastic day.
I long for the good old days when a group of Don Draper-esque type dudes put their heads together and churned out some original Valentine’s Day sentiments.
Except, well, after stumbling upon this batch of vintage Valentines maybe Spongebob ain’t so bad. I dunno. You tell me. What’s worse? A cow destined for the slaughterhouse begging for your heart or Dora wishing you feliz día de San Valentín?
Brace yourself. Thar be clowns in here.
All photos used with permission from Flickr.com/pageofbats who has amassed a most excellent collection of absurdity.
You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who.
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