I’ve never bought my daughter a doll. There are a few lying around the house, gifts from relatives and friends. So far she has shown no interest. Her favorite toys? Dinosaurs. Dozens of plastic dinosaurs and assorted animals Dad almost obsessively purchases for her.
Just tonight I had to break up a raucous dinosaur party being held on the coffee table. It was way past everyone’s bedtime. I’ve also stepped on the sharp claws of lost dinosaurs in the dark of night, have found them voyaging under the covers of my bed at the most inopportune of moments (if you know what I’m saying) have caught them hitching a ride in the car or floating helplessly in the kiddie pool in the backyard.
And I love it.
I’m dreading the day/hoping it never comes that my 3-year-old daughter decides Barbie is better than Brontosaurus.
I hate Barbie.
With tits out to there, feet only made for high heels and that creepy smooth area where her Lady Parts are supposed to be, I’m not sure Barbie is the kind of thing Violet, or any child, needs to grow up staring at.
Barbie is the Kim Kardashian of the toy world and I think we both know Kim isn’t anyone you want your kid emulating. In fact, I’m certain there is a sex tape or two in Barbie’s past that some wily publicist has covered up somewhere by over-publicizing the release of a Dream Mansion or an impossibly expensive convertible.
I’ve long expressed my disdain for Barbie and her uppity gang and have been perceived as uptight by people in my circle who think groping the doll and her big, blonde ‘do is a harmless way for a young girl to spend the afternoon playing.
NO WAY! I’d say to well-meaning relatives who jockeyed to be the person to give Violet her first Barbie. I’ve actually tossed two Barbie gifts into the trash because I didn’t want Violet seeing them. I’d have sent them to Goodwill but felt I’d be perpetuating the systematic extermination of self-esteem Barbie has perpetrated lo these many years and so the trash seemed like the safest place to stash her skinny ass.
Now I have a new weapon in my anti-Barbie arsenal should anyone comment on why Barbie is unwelcome in my home. Huffington Post has published a photo showing Barbie’s proportions on a real woman.
Check it out:
The photo apparently began making the Internet rounds after Australian blog “So Bad So Good” tweeted it. As the Huffington Post points out, this isn’t the first time Barbie’s absurd proportions have made the Internet rounds, but it’s certainly worth the reminder.
See? Why would you hand your gorgeous little daughter, the pure and sweet love of your life, a naked grown woman with impossible tits, ass and hair to play with? And yet so many of you think I’M the weird one for wanting to keep these from my daughter’s universe for as long as possible. Yeah, sure, she’ll see Barbies at the houses of friends later on. She’ll probably also watch R-rated movies I don’t want her to see, too. Either way it’s not happening in my house. When she asks if she can have a Barbie and I say nope and she whines BUT WHYYYYY I’ll have an answer ready to go:
Because I love you and because those dolls are awful and demean beautiful, real women like you and me by subconsciously making us think that unnatural body and that hair is the way a real woman should try to be, but thinking that way is like eating poison. It gets inside you and eats away at your thoughts, the good thoughts you think about yourself like you are beautiful just the way you are. Nobody on the planet looks like that. It’s freakish and gross and I don’t want you playing with something that could ultimately make you feel bad about yourself or value the wrong things or somehow make you want to try to live up to some impossible standard of womanhood set into motion within you when you first looked at the gigantic boobs and tiny waist of a creepy, plastic doll with big, bleached hair and too much make-up. NOW GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!
Love her or hate her, Barbie is a worldwide icon who has had more than 100 different jobs including fashion designer, flight attendant, TV news reporter, veterinarian, UNICEF ambassador, teacher, astronaut, race car driver, aerobics instructor and presidential candidate.
Barbie and her gang through the years:
Top photo credit: About.com
More From Monica on Strollerderby:
You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who.
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