I’ve never bought my daughter a doll. There are a few lying around the house, gifts from relatives and friends. So far she has shown no interest. Her favorite toys? Dinosaurs. Dozens of plastic dinosaurs and assorted animals Dad almost obsessively purchases for her.
Just tonight I had to break up a raucous dinosaur party being held on the coffee table. It was way past everyone’s bedtime. I’ve also stepped on the sharp claws of lost dinosaurs in the dark of night, have found them voyaging under the covers of my bed at the most inopportune of moments (if you know what I’m saying) have caught them hitching a ride in the car or floating helplessly in the kiddie pool in the backyard.
And I love it.
I’m dreading the day/hoping it never comes that my 3-year-old daughter decides Barbie is better than Brontosaurus.
I hate Barbie.
With tits out to there, feet only made for high heels and that creepy smooth area where her Lady Parts are supposed to be, I’m not sure Barbie is the kind of thing Violet, or any child, needs to grow up staring at.
Barbie is the Kim Kardashian of the toy world and I think we both know Kim isn’t anyone you want your kid emulating. In fact, I’m certain there is a sex tape or two in Barbie’s past that some wily publicist has covered up somewhere by over-publicizing the release of a Dream Mansion or an impossibly expensive convertible.
I’ve long expressed my disdain for Barbie and her uppity gang and have been perceived as uptight by people in my circle who think groping the doll and her big, blonde ‘do is a harmless way for a young girl to spend the afternoon playing.
NO WAY! I’d say to well-meaning relatives who jockeyed to be the person to give Violet her first Barbie. I’ve actually tossed two Barbie gifts into the trash because I didn’t want Violet seeing them. I’d have sent them to Goodwill but felt I’d be perpetuating the systematic extermination of self-esteem Barbie has perpetrated lo these many years and so the trash seemed like the safest place to stash her skinny ass.
Now I have a new weapon in my anti-Barbie arsenal should anyone comment on why Barbie is unwelcome in my home. Huffington Post has published a photo showing Barbie’s proportions on a real woman.
Check it out:
The photo apparently began making the Internet rounds after Australian blog “So Bad So Good” tweeted it. As the Huffington Post points out, this isn’t the first time Barbie’s absurd proportions have made the Internet rounds, but it’s certainly worth the reminder.
See? Why would you hand your gorgeous little daughter, the pure and sweet love of your life, a naked grown woman with impossible tits, ass and hair to play with? And yet so many of you think I’M the weird one for wanting to keep these from my daughter’s universe for as long as possible. Yeah, sure, she’ll see Barbies at the houses of friends later on. She’ll probably also watch R-rated movies I don’t want her to see, too. Either way it’s not happening in my house. When she asks if she can have a Barbie and I say nope and she whines BUT WHYYYYY I’ll have an answer ready to go:
Because I love you and because those dolls are awful and demean beautiful, real women like you and me by subconsciously making us think that unnatural body and that hair is the way a real woman should try to be, but thinking that way is like eating poison. It gets inside you and eats away at your thoughts, the good thoughts you think about yourself like you are beautiful just the way you are. Nobody on the planet looks like that. It’s freakish and gross and I don’t want you playing with something that could ultimately make you feel bad about yourself or value the wrong things or somehow make you want to try to live up to some impossible standard of womanhood set into motion within you when you first looked at the gigantic boobs and tiny waist of a creepy, plastic doll with big, bleached hair and too much make-up. NOW GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!
Love her or hate her, Barbie is a worldwide icon who has had more than 100 different jobs including fashion designer, flight attendant, TV news reporter, veterinarian, UNICEF ambassador, teacher, astronaut, race car driver, aerobics instructor and presidential candidate.
Barbie and her gang through the years:
Barbie Millicent Roberts 1 of 24Barbie made her public debut in 1959. Her first look was intended to mirror the sophisticated glamour of 1950s stars like Marilyn Monroe and Rita Hayworth. According to HistoryEngine.com "Mattel's marketing emphasized the dolls mature face and figure that had made her famous: "Barbie is small and so petite, her clothes and figure look so neat." Barbie was created by Ruth Handler, a mother who saw an opportunity after watching her daughter, Barbara, play adult and teenage make-believe with paper-dolls. No company had ever made a three-dimensional, adult-proportioned doll before.
Photo Credit: dustcatchers.com
Working Barbie 2 of 24Barbie's instant success prompted Mattel to keep the ball rolling. A year after she was born she got her first job as a fashion designer.
Photo Credit: Time.com
Behind Every Good Woman… 3 of 24The Barbie juggernaut rolls onward with the early appearance of boyfriend Ken, who was initially offered with brown or blonde hair, just like his gal pal.
Photo Credit: Time.com
Career Gal 4 of 24After her early stint as a fashion designer Barbie held four more jobs in '61: singer, ballerina, nurse and flight attendant, pictured above. Busy gal.
Photo Credit: Time.com
The Figure 5 of 24
Midge 6 of 24Barbie's best friend, Midge Hadley, was created in 1963 to counteract criticism that claimed Barbie was a sex symbol. Midge was Barbie's opposite sporting a short brown bob and freckles. She was only sold until 1966. In 1988 Mattel reintroduced Midge and her husband, Alan. Later, in 2003 the Happy Family line was introduced and controversy ensued. According to Wikipedia: "Midge was sold "pregnant" with Nikki, who was a tiny baby inside Midge's magnetic removable stomach. This led to some controversy with some consumers saying that the doll was inappropriate for children, or that it promoted teen pregnancy. Another cause for this controversy was that Midge did not initially have a wedding ring, but this was later fixed. She also was packaged without Alan. Customers complaining about the doll led to Wal-Mart pulling the Happy Family line off their shelves. A new version of this Midge was produced for Wal-Mart, this time not pregnant and with a cardboard cut-out display of Alan and Ryan standing next to her inside the box."
Photo Credit: thehairpin.com
Skipper! 7 of 24Skipper Roberts, Barbie's younger sister, was created in 1964 to counteract Skipper was created, along with Midge, to counteract criticism that claimed Barbie was a sex symbol. According to Wikipedia, "When she first came out, she was 9.25 inches in height (compared to Barbie's 11.5 inches), and then as newer versions were released she gradually became taller with an older appearance, eventually turning out to be almost as tall as Barbie. At first, Skipper was available with three different hair colors, but later was only available as a blond. Usually, Skipper dolls had blue eyes."
Photo Credit: fashiondollguide.com
To Infinity And Beyond 8 of 24Barbie has had more than 100 careers over the course of her lifetime. This is her first stint as an astronaut in 1965 - well before man landed on the moon.
Photo Credit: fashionistadaily.com
Christie 9 of 24The first African American Barbie was introduced in 1968. She is the first of many of Barbie's ethnic pals.
Photo Credit: ebay.com
Malibu Barbie 10 of 24In 1971 Barbie got a makeover. Her hair was straightened, her skin tanned, her face re-sculpted to show white teeth and she adopted a California lifestyle. You'll also note that her eyes were redone so that she's staring directly ahead as opposed to coyly off to one side, as the original Barbie does.
Photo Credit: Businessweek.com
Busy Barbie 11 of 24This doll, from 1972, came with a suitcase, a telephone, a record player and a TV - Barbie had stuff to DO, y'all.
Photo Credit: meandmydolls.blogspot.com
Crystal Barbie 12 of 24Crystal Barbie came out in '83 and was the first Barbie I remember noticing.
Photo Credit: milkshakemelody.com
Pretty As A Peach 13 of 24Peaches N Cream Barbie came out in '84. Obviously television shows like Dallas and Knots Landing were all the rage.
Photo Credit: ellenstumblr.com
Dolls Of The World 14 of 24
Math Is Hard! 15 of 24In the early nineties Teen Talk Barbie was introduced. She said a couple things to her adoring owners, including the phrase, "Math is hard." Needless to say, women's groups complained. Mattel didn't recall the Barbie but ditched the phrase from its next edition.
Photo Credit: kattisdolls.net
Barbie 4 Prez 16 of 24Barbie first ran for president, in an outfit more suitable for Wonder Woman (although note the business suit option provided) way back in 1992. She ran again in 2000, and in 2004, well ahead of Hillary Rodham Clinton's historic campaign. Is she running this year? But, of course!. And looking less like a pageant princess and more like a politician while doing so.
Photo Credit: campaignstick.blogspot.com
Army Barbie 17 of 24Barbie's first military gig came in '89 and she has been in uniform ever since. In fact, according to Time.com "In order to giver her 1992 camouflage outfit a touch of authenticity, Mattel had it gain approval from the Pentagon. It was issued shortly after the First Gulf War."
Photo Credit: Ebay.com
Wheelchair Barbie 18 of 24Barbie's wheelchair-bound friend Becky hit the scene in '97. Mattel's intentions were good, obviously, but they came under fire after a teen with cerebral palsy pointed out that the doll's wheelchair did not fit into the elevator in Barbie's house. Oops!
Photo Credit: france24.com
Best-Selling Barbie Ever 19 of 24
Move Over, Brit-Brit! 20 of 24In 2002 Barbie's style looks suspiciously like another belly-baring blonde American icon.
Photo Credit: Time.com
The Break-Up 21 of 24Much like Brad and Jen's big bust, Barbie and Ken's was the break-up heard 'round the world. After 43 years of dating, the tanned and toned hotties called it quits.
Photo Credit: valentinesdayaustralia.blogspot.com
Barbie Gets Inked! 22 of 24In 2009 Mattel introduced the Totally Stylin' Tattoos Barbie. The edgy, pink-haired doll comes with gobs of tattoos for herself, tattoos for the kids and a tattoo gun for ease of fake tattoo application. Oh how times have changed!
Photo Credit: Mistula.com
Drag Queen Barbie 23 of 24As Strollerderby recently reported, Mattel has introduced Drag Queen Barbie and she's faaabulous! Good news, "There's no tucking or shaving necessary. She's exactly like a regular Barbie, only totally more fabulous, as she takes after Phillipe Blond, one of the designers who's also a cross-dresser." Okay, so I take it back. I would totally buy Drag Queen Barbie, but for me, not my daughter!
Photo Credit: BarbieCollector.com
Old Lady Barbie? 24 of 24Naaah! Never gonna happen. Botox Barbie, maaaaaybe, but not old broad Barbie.
Photo Credit: france24.com
Top photo credit: About.com
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You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who.
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