Cutting the Apron Strings
Do I really have to make something for the school bake sale?
Cutting the Apron Strings
Do I really have to make something for the school bake sale?
by Rebecca Odes & Ceridwen Morris
November 11, 2009
My first child started Pre-K this year and within a few weeks I was asked to make something for the school bake sale. There’s a strict nut restriction policy and they require every item to be labeled with ingredients. This means that I can’t pick things up from random bakeries and it seems like supermarket cupcakes are frowned upon even if they are nut-free. I hate baking. So does my husband. I have an enormous workload this fall. I just got through a long phase-in (which I appreciated, my daughter appreciated, but my boss did not appreciate). I want to “contribute” to my daughter’s school and show that I care but I feel very put out by this. And frankly I find it sexist. I don’t want my motherhood tested in the kitchen. It’s really stressing me out but perhaps I’m putting too much into it. You guys seem to have a handle on the parenting scene out there – is this bake sale a hint of what’s to come for me? Should I raise a stink? Am I being a diva?
- Lost My Perspective in the Baking Ingredients Aisle
Dear Lost,
The hardcore bake sale scene does put the pressure on. But we are here to give some perspective: You are not required to bring home the bacon, bake it into muffins and provide a notarized letter re: the provenance of every ingredient. No matter how much the class rep to the parenting association nudges.
That’s the good news. The bad news is, this is only the beginning. You *and your husband* will be asked to give time, skills, money, rummage, canned food, gently used books and/or small bits of flesh year after year for as long as your child is part of the educational system. (Unless you move somewhere where schools actually get enough money from the government to perform up to the standards of the parents who send their children there.) The expectation varies depending on where your kid is in school, but it’s pretty much a given that parents are expected to help out somewhat. Some take this super-seriously. Many others blow it off, for lack of time or lack of interest.
One suggestion we’d make is to try to loosen the symbolic reins a little. Sometimes a bake sale is just a bake sale. Yes, it emerged from a time of more prescribed gender roles, but really, people just like cake. For every parent who dreads the pie tin, there’s another who dreads the fancy dress auction, or the softball game at the class picnic. If you can’t deal with baking, don’t bake. Buy something and hand it over with your head held high (and the ingredients conveniently preprinted on the package!) Or beg off. We can assure you that you will not be the only one who shows up empty-handed that morning. And we can also assure you that there will be many opportunities for you to be of service to your child’s school. We can’t guarantee you’ll hate those any less, but they probably won’t require you to wear an apron.
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I just write a check to the PTA for $100 at the beginning of the year. I’d rather donate money than bake or sell cookie dough and it’s more money for the school than if I made any of those things.
Don’t raise a stink. Don’t bake if you don’t want to. Simple as that. But honestly, it’s not really all that hard to make a cake or cupcakes. You could probably do it inside an hour, hour and a half tops. The donating money idea is a good one, anyway. You probably have tons if you’re such a career woman.
Simply because you are a “career woman” does not mean you have “tons of money.” Many people work to support their families. Just sayin’…
I also go the route of just giving cash. I don’t mind baking but my son’s school doesn’t have bake sales, it’s mostly things I’m supposed to get my family and friends to pony up for, like pledges for jump-rope or sales for cookies and wrapping paper. I *hate* asking friends to buy things and I don’t really feel like shepherding my kid door-to-door to sell overpriced junk. So I give money. That’s what they really want and while my household isn’t exactly overflowing with extra cash (despite my ‘career woman’ status), I do value the school highly so it’s something I’m willing to give to.
Another “career woman” piping up to say that (1) there’s not a whole lot of cash to spare in my house, career woman-ing be damned, and (2) I also just give cash. Much easier.
I agree with the previous posts; giving a flat check at the beginning of the year is always appreciated. Also, every family has a different event that will speak to them. Welcome to the wonderful world of school-aged children. I feel like an ATM to my child’s school. From past experience, I have also found that bringing a bakery bought cake (of course from a peanut free bakery) and asking that it is raffled off has been a lucrative fundraiser.
Our school district actually won’t let you send homebaked items to school for bakes sales, citing sanitary issues in some homes. In the meanwhile, I don’t like letting my child eat store-bought stuff, as I like being able to pronounce the ingredients that go into our food whenever possible. I automatically don’t bake with nuts, as I know a few people who have nut allergies.
I have to say that I am a little surprised by the sexist angle of this request, if indeed the mother was specifically asked to bake. Our school sent out a form at the beginning of the school year asking us to please volunteer for the jobs we felt best suited our abilities and available time. Baking was one of about twenty-five options ranging from IT to communications and event coordination to being class rep. My husband is working full time and I am taking a year off so I volunteered some of my time and he didn’t, but he sponsored the printing for the major fundraising event. If I were still working outside the home, I’d find it harder to manage the requests…
Personally, I like the idea of donating directly at the beginning of the year instead of being nickel and dimed to death all year, but I think the idea behind all this fundraising is to build a community as well as to generate revenue. (I’d like to see my school doing a 50/50 draw…)
Being asked to do stuff for school is going to carry on now. You may as well get used to it! The way I handle it is to think of my children and do the things that will make them happy (and proud) and I don’t do the others. Unless I specifically want to. You’re a busy lady with a successful careeer. That is something to be proud of. So, why not explain that to your little ones – I bet you’re a great role model – and then buy supermarket cakes. If the others mothers frown, so what? Perhaps they have more time in the kitchen than you. If you’re really worried, go to an expensive supermarket!
One thing I will say is that the money our PTO raises for the most part goes directly to the teachers to support their classrooms. These people work incredibly hard and value the children so much – and have made such a huge difference in my daughter’s life as she discovers the joy of learning. That makes it all worth it for me. And also – the reason people do bake sales is because they *work* – it’s relatively easy way to raise at least a few hundred dollars – and, like someone said, people like cake.
Let go of your guilt and just try to enjoy this opportunity to be involved in your town, your school, your child’s life, your community, in whatever way works for you. My kids are a little older and it is going by way too quickly. I know I will miss these days where all four of us participated in the same organization (the school) as a family when the kids are older and living who knows where and we are all doing our own independent things, and only coming together for holidays and such.
Holey smokes no one is questioning your “motherhood in the kitchen” – that my dear is your own issue. Perhaps they asked said Mother because she is the one picking up her child at school. Go to a PTA meeting, participate in your child’s school. So many parents complain and do nothing to participate. A simple I can’t bake is there anything else I can do to help? – you could sell the goods that other parents have made(my husband made the jarred product and I volunteered at the table)! Schools are strapped for $$ and trying to find a imaginative way to raise $$ is difficult every parent is going to have an opinion it’s time they start giving positive feedback and suggestions! And yes those events at school really do bring the community to the school. Lighten up writing down a few ingredients isn’t a big deal – but it would be wouldn’t it if your child or family member had life threatening allergies!
I take umbrage with the “it’s not all that hard to make a cake in an hour” comment. The problem with this line of thinking is it’s also not all that hard to volunteer, do the laundry, decorate the house for a holiday, get a haircut, pick up some diapers on the way home, blah blah. But you add that up and try to stick it into the 2 hours in the evening you get to see your child, make dinner, give a bath and read stories, and it IS a lot. The point isn’t that it’s a big deal — if that’s all that was asked I would gladly set aside a couple of hours to make something and be done with it. It’s that the requests never end. And the whole reason my kid is in daycare in the first place is because I have to go to work. If I were just hanging out with nothing to do, I wouldn’t put her in there!
I agree there’s no need to make a stink to the school you’ve just entered, but I would be firm now. We all get to choose how we’re “involved with our communtity” — don’t let anyone guilt you by saying it’s just one little thing/no big deal/etc. There will come a time (mentor day in first grade? take your daughter to work day? high school when you’re providing internships?) when your participation will be not only extremely useful, but way more relevant. Save yourself for that. In the meantime, I’d smile sweetly and say, “We don’t bake, but I’d be happy to drop off some juice to serve with the baked goods.”
I’m sorry, Umbrage, but no matter how busy you are volunteerism and community involvement are very important and they teach your kids really important values. It should be part of good parenting to communicate these things to your kids. IT MAY NOT BE THE BAKE SALE, and it doesn’t even have to be the SCHOOL. but PLEASE don’t wait until they are teenagers to teach your kids to care about someone outside of their front door.
You can pick something up at the supermarket’s bakery, or at a nice neighborhood bakery; they have the ingredients listed. Then you’ll repackage it and it will look homemade.
A wise older woman who was a career woman before it was common and involved in many things taught me this trick about bake sales: Go to the bake sale, purchase something lovely, then donate it back.
Personally I love to bake and have fun with this type of event, making things and working at them. I haven’t really ever given any thought to a mother who brought package stuff or baked there own. Any donation is appreciated. Also my mother burns package cookie dough and never once sent us with homemade baked goods. I didnt think any less of her.
This is what Rice Krispie Squares are for. I agree it’s annoying but what you need is a couple of recipes where you have the ingredients and which are fast. Chocolate bark (melt chocolate, pour over nuts or crushed candy on parchment paper), marshmallow skewers (skewer marshmallows; dip in chocolate and then sprinkles), or a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough could all qualify (to be really fancy, bake a lollipop stick into the cookie to make a cookie pop.). Don’t waste your energy fighting the (idiotic) system; just game it with the easiest stuff you can get away with. – Shan
Just say no. They will only expect more if you give in. You need to set the tone for the year. Or if you don’t have the backbone to say no, refer them to your husband.
No, no, no. I’ll say it again. You get to choose your own involvement with the community, your kid’s school does not get to do it for you. You may very well volunteer (as my family does) somewhere outside the school — a soup kitchen, a homeless shelter, the pound, whatever. A school is not a charity, and if they need help, they certainly have the right to ask. But there are plenty of places that want your time, money and effort, so only do it if you want to.
bake sales at my son’s school are a competition among the stay at home moms for who can bring the fanciest cupcakes – I’m always totally amazed at the decorations and effort they put in. Very impressive. As a single mom working full time, I simply don’t have the time to compete, nor do I wish to. I’m happy to contribute to the bake sale, but it’s always a box of store bought cookies or brownies. The kids don’t mind and the school still earns cash. Plus, the other moms really don’t care either. The competition is among the crazy fancy bakers, the rest of us are just money in the bank for the school and that’s really all that matters.