Bad Parent: Guilt-Free Speed Cleaning
Why a messy house makes for a happy family.
One afternoon back when now seven-year-old Jack was five, he walked past our downstairs bathroom and noticed that his father was cleaning the toilet. Jack came to a halt in front of the door.
“What are you doing?” Jack asked.
“I’m cleaning the bathroom,” my husband replied.
Jack twisted his face into a look of concern, “What happened?”
Like any child confronted by an unusual event in a familiar environment, Jack didn’t know what to make of what he saw. The truth is that both of my kids witness housecleaning so infrequently that they consider the very activity evidence that some unfortunate event has occurred.
I rarely clean my house. Walk through my front door on any given day and you are almost certain to find dust collected on the coffee table and book shelves. You’ll spot books and magazines semi-stacked on floors and you might trip over those tiny, goody-bag toys kids gather like treasure. The windowsills between the inside glass panes and outer screens bear dirt deposited by seasonal storms and breezes, the wood floors do not gleam and there are blemishes pockmarking the bathroom mirrors – not to mention traces of toothpaste on the walls of the sink from kids who still haven’t learned to aim their spit in the center of the basin. In short, you will find dirt.
And I don’t care.
When I sat down to write this essay, the first thing I did was open my internet browser. I thought that I could perform a couple of Google searches, find a list – or several – of reasons why people thought it was so important to maintain a clean house when you have kids, and then refute those reasons one-by-one.
I was, however, surprised by the results of my searches. Site after site offered tips for how to keep a clean house when you have young children, how to get the kids to help you clean, even how to find cleaning inspiration when you have trouble mustering it on your own. But on no site – that I could find – did anyone bother to address the reasons why keeping my house clean should be one of my top maternal priorities in the first place. That’s probably because most people think the point is obvious. But it’s not at all obvious to me.
It’s no secret to any parent that time is limited. Once I’ve devoted six or seven hours of each day to sleeping, I’ve got about thirty hours of goals to squeeze into what’s left of any given day. I need to get the kids to school with all of their accoutrements, shepherd them to their activities, cook their meals, wash, dry, fold and redistribute their clothes, help with their homework, schedule doctors’ appointments and play dates, and so on. As soon as I get the kids out the door, I need to write and do all of the other things this business requires as well as fulfill my volunteer commitments at school, temple and around town. I need to shower and eat. I need to find the cat so I can take her to the vet. The last thing I want to do with any moments I have left over when all of these requirements are complete is clean.
I’d much rather spend time enjoying the company of my husband and my kids than battling with the detritus spawned by my house. I read Harry Potter to my seven-year-old son at bedtime. I listen while my four-year-old daughter takes me on long, sometimes incomprehensible journeys through the complex universe that lives in her mind. I accompany my children on long walks in the local apple orchards in autumn and together we marvel at the glowing reds and ambers of the trees, the hawks we watch as they dive for lunch, the apples we’ve just picked that taste so much sweeter than those we buy at the grocery store. We celebrate my kids’ and my own Jewish heritage every Friday night as we feast on challah I’ve made from scratch for them, we learn to cook and eat bulgogi together to experience a piece of my daughter’s Korean birthright and we share corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day in honor of my husband and my son. We watch movies together. We learn about the world, we play games, we have fun.
And no one in my family ever says to me, “Gee, I wish the house were cleaner.”
Lest anyone get the wrong idea, let me assure you: I do have some standards. If I notice that a bathtub or the kitchen sink is truly vile, I clean it – or at least I ask my husband to do it. If the dust balls drifting out from under the couch become large enough to invite possible investigation by the Board of Health, I sweep them up. When the cat pukes- as she does almost daily -I clean it up. I am not a total pig. My kids eat off clean dishes and they wear clean clothes. That’s good enough for me.
I should also clarify that I have no objection to cleanliness itself. If I could, I would hire a cleaning service to come in every week and have them tidy and sanitize and polish the inside of my house until it could pass even my late grandmother’s literal white-glove test. It’s the process of achieving cleanliness that I despise. It’s the process of achieving cleanliness that I despise. Cleaning is tedious and repetitive, and it’s disheartening when you notice the dust regrouping on the piano before you’ve even finished wiping down the other side of the room. I know some people love to clean, including some of my own closest friends and family. (And then there was that Monica-character on Friends. I never understood her.) They find it to be a stress-relief. I find it to be on a par with teeth-cleanings and colonoscopies.
I don’t even do much cleaning for family and friends. I might walk through my house before guests arrive and deal with anything that doesn’t pass my “Is this disgusting?” test. Beyond that, though, I reason that no one wants to be friends with me because of my housekeeping skills or lack thereof. If you’re going to condemn me for the state of my house, then my guess is you’re probably not going to enjoy my company very much in the first place.
As far as I’m concerned, there are countless better ways to spend my time with or without my kids than cleaning. My mudroom may contain actual mud and my countertops may be sticky, but my kids, my husband and I laugh a lot.
And I’ll take that over a clean house any day.
I love this article. I always say if I think your house is dirty then it’s really dirty. My one exception is the bathrooms (I have 2 boys) it has to be cleaned frequently. I once posted on truuconfessions that I can’t believe I actually used to dust every week, I hardly ever do that now.
When I was growing up my family had a rule: No one gets to do anything on Saturday until the whole house is clean. If you were invited to spend the night somewhere Friday night you were picked up by 9am to join the house cleaning. If you were invited to do something special on Saturday morning, you couldn’t go. I hated it. And I promised myself that when I was a mom, I would never put cleaning the house ahead of fun with my kids on my priority list. When I was in high school a friend’s mom had a sign hanging in the kitchen that said something like, “No one ever thanked their mom in an acceptance speech for keeping the house clean.” I remember feeling incredibly jealous.
Sounds like you’re doing a good job of keeping your priorities straight.
I like a clean house but I hate spending time on it, so I have someone come in once every two weeks to clean. I save money in other ways so that I can spend money on this. It is worth it worth it WORTH IT. That said, if I absolutely could not afford it I would do what the author does and just not worry much about it, other than bathrooms and cleaning up after meals.
anonymom- my Saturdays were just like yours. My dad led the housecleaning effort. He would put on a James Taylor album and whistle along as he mopped the floor and handed out chore lists to my sister and me. It took a very long time for me to be able to listen to James Taylor without conjuring up the smell of bleach!
I like the general spirit of the article, although I also like order and a degree of cleanliness. It’s all a matter of degree, isn’t it? I think its really easiest to “clean as you go”…pick up as you go…try to make them pick up one set of toys (or do it yourself) before the move on to something else. Clean up the plates and table, etc. after each meal. Wipe down the tubs and sinks each day. Sweep. Vaccuum. These things take just a couple minutes each and if you do them throughout the day, as needed, it just seems like part of the day and no big deal. I do more intensive stuff if we’re going to have a party or guests.
I did see some study that said kids who live in clean and orderly homes are better readers, but of course, we can all imagine the myriad factors that could contribute to those results…
Good job! I think cleanliness is something we all get to pick for ourselves. I’m very clean, and do spend my limited free time cleaning, mopping scrubbing, reasonably often – because it is important to me. It makes me happy that my house is clean. But I’d never insist someone else do so, especially if they don’t care! Like so many other things, I think whatever you prefer – that’s what you should be guided by!
I lived in a messy house … a little too messy for my taste. It was embarrassing and I never had friends over. I spent a lot of time over other people’s houses that weren’t 100% museum clean of course – they felt comfortable and lived in. My house did not. It was just dirty and cluttered.
Just another take …
I am a big fan of the clean as you go idea too … it’s really not a big deal that way
totally felt that the author has the right idea. however, how the hell is this bad parent? where oh where are the true bad parents? the ones who booze and smoke and don’t like to read books to their kids?
babble’s getting soft.
I absolutely love this article, thank you! You and your kids can come over to my dust-trap anytime. It’s got all kinds of fun, creative kids projects stacked in no particular order on the dusty floor. I’ll admit a certain affinity for nice-smelling dish soap and counter-cleaning stuff, and I’ll break out the big guns when the bathroom gets stinky — but the living room (aka the toy room)? the dining room (aka the land of papers that my husband never files)? Fuggetaboudit. One quick thing, though, our cat was a daily puker for a while too. Turns out she had a fairly serious thyroid problem, treatable with two small pills a day. Once you and your cat get used to it, it beats the puke patrol by a long shot.
I’m completely in favor of the author’s philosophy on cleaning, although I don’t think she has to work so hard to convince us that she is spending her non-cleaning time picking apples with the kids in an idyllic orchard or having other such unforgettable experiences with her children and husband. Sometimes “I was putting all my energy into not having a meltdown” is a perfectly adequate reason for not getting to the vacuuming, isn’t it? Suggesting otherwise just feeds into the pressure to be an A+ parent, either because your house is spotless or because you make your own challah from scratch every week.
The author doesn’t need to look far to answer the question “why is a clean house important”….why was it important that she mentions her kids wear clean clothes?…what would be the big deal if they wore dirty clothes?…same answer(s) applies.
Bottom line: cleaning is yet another life skill than you may not want to do but need to teach your children so they can someday function sucessfully as a self suffient adult….like being responsible for waking up for school, doing laundry, brushing your teeth, etc.
My grandmother had a sign in her kitchen that read: “My house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy.” That’s my motto, too.
My wife and I aren’t clean freaks. As a man I jsut hate house work, but what I hate worse is a really dirty house. And I mean really dirty. Like I said we aren’t clean freaks, but when the wife has a couple of days off in a row you can best bet that she will use one of them cleaning the house. It’s just the way were are.
I have a good reason to keep your house clean for your kids. ALLERGIES.
I envy you. I wish we didn’t have to bother with it.
I grew up in a dirty, unorganized house. My mother had more important things to do than to keep her house tidy. As a result my siblings and I were released into the world without the faintest clue about the sort of housekeeping standards held by the majority of the population. Clean things… before they get dirty? Regular cleaning schedules? Working a mop? Complete mysteries. I was kicked out of my first shared housing experience, and my brother was asked to leave a frat house because he flatly refused to wash dishes. It’s taken years (and painful effort) for us to learn what our parents should have taught us: fun or not, housekeeping is an important part of living in society. I’d rather have learned it from my mother than from various cleaning websites and skipped being known as the house slob.
We don’t obsess, but mopping-vacuuming-dusting etc. is a part of our daily or at least weekly lives with our children. It’s part of our job: preparing them to live in the real world.
Growing up in an immaculate house, I had to learn as an adult to accept that a certain amount of mess is inevitable when you have kids. My housekeeping standards are nowhere near as high as those of my mother; but that being said, I don’t want to bathe in a dirty tub, cook in a dirty kitchen or sit on a sofa covered in dog hair, whether at my house or yours.
And quite frankly, I don’t understand what is so hard about everyone cleaning up after themselves a bit. I also work from home, raise my kids and do lots of activities with my family, and I don’t see cleaning the house as that big of a burden, especially when everyone chips in for a few minutes on a daily basis. Actually, I feel a bit insulted that the author thinks that by keeping my home relatively clean, I’m some how taking away fun, exciting discovery time from my children and exposing them to a life of drudgery.
If anything, I’m teaching my children necessary life-skills and to appreciate the home and possessions that they have.
I live in a small apartment in NY so I find that the only way to stay sane is to keep it uncluttered and relatively clean. Any tiny mess gets ampified in a small space. I also find that sunny days exaggerate dust.If I lived in a big old rambling villa with great “bones”, I probably wouldn’t clean as often either.Oh well… one day maybe!
Do you know what I liked about this article? That you did not attack people who DO clean regularly and keep an organized life as not also enjoying all the things that you do with your children. Life does not have to be an either/or proposition – and we all have different standards and things we can live with. I appreciate that you told us your side of the story without slamming people who do things differently – what a breath of fresh air. That said, I lived in a house with 10 people and my mom spent her whole time cleaning or screeching about it – she never played with us, she was too busy cleaning up after us. That said, I also learnt all of the things that need to be done to run a home, something my husband doesn’t seem to have picked up on. But to be fair, he totally supports the cleaning lady idea – I’m with you. I really hate to clean – there are so many other things I’d rather do and I LOVE my cleaning lady. I know my family all tsk tsk me behind my back – I’m a SAHM AND have a weekly cleaning lady. But I don’t care. I much prefer spending time actually in the dirt playing with my kids. To each their own….
@ one of the above commenters, I’m ashamed to admit, I don’t like reading books to my kids! I do it, but I really don’t like it. Hope that makes you feel better!
I have to agree with the Babble getting a bit soft. I actually submitted an essay on this very topic a few months ago…called Dirty Mama and was told by the previous editor more or less, “no one likes to clean, so what?”
Bad timing on my part, I guess!
Get a cleaning lady! Depending on where you live and the size of your house it’s not that much money. Even twice a month. I now have a lady coming once a week and the peace I feel for a day or two is worth every penny. I lived overseas where people are not bothered by having someone clean for them. It’s only in the US that I have friends able to afford basic cleaning services but will refuse to allow anyone into their house to do a cleaning job that they hate bc it’s elitist and/or lack of privacy and/or it somehow builds character to clean yourself! So they will rather spend time and energy trying to get their kids and spouses on board to clean more than the basic (everyone in my house has to pick up dishes, clothes, and toys themselves) and then spend time complaining they get stuck with the cleaning. Or husbands whose moms did all the cleaning and now will refuse to allow their wives to get a cleaning lady. It’s crazy.
So which is it? You don’t like to clean, or you don’t have time to clean? It’s your house, those are your possessions, and you might want to teach your kids the importance of caring for and respecting their home and belongings. You don’t have to live in a pristine, dust-free, glittering shrine to Clorox while sacrificing precious time with your children; you don’t have to neglect your house to be “there” for your kids. There is actually a middle-ground. Balance is good.
I enjoyed this article and am an advocate of “whatever works for you,” however I think our grandmothers would be turning over in their graves!
I have to say, I was brought up spending every Saturday morning cleaning alongside my mother and sister. It was a pain at the time, but I look back at it and realize it tought me important lessons in taking care of things. My mother never had a lot growing up but what she did have, she took care of and she taught my sister and I to do the same.
I love that my son is only 3 and I don’t even have to tell him to clean up his room before he goes on to another activity. Even at a young age, he knows he must clean up his mess before he leaves the room and that everything has it’s place. I cleaned up after him enough before he could crawl and walk on his own; he can totally do his share by picking up his room. Hell, he even helps me unload the dishwasher, feed the dog, and fold laundry. There is nothing wrong with teaching kids responsibility through housework.
It only takes a couple of minutes to clean up after yourself but it’s when you or your children constant leave messes on top of messes that it takes hours and hours to clean. Mess up and clean up is a basic concept that if you follow, your house won’t be a disaster.
I believe the key to having a messy house–and the author hinted at
this–is that there is love, support and affection within. I grew up in
a filthy home where I had to scrape dried cat food off the counter in
order to clean a space to make a sandwich, where kitty litter would
stick to our socks and said socks turned black within a few minutes of
walking around. The laundry room was not cleaned in the 14 years we
lived in the house. Meanwhile, my parents had a miserable marriage. As
the eldest, I was privy to long discussions with my mother about how
she’d be fine if her car hit a tree, how horrible my father was as a
husband, father and man….The whole thing has just created feelings of
neglect, despair, pointlessness, and I still struggle with how to
create a peaceful home now. I got away as soon as I could and have
lived as far away as possible. Messiness is only charming when there is
life and joy in the home.
I’m amazed by your focus, and wish I could follow suit. However, I’m in the camp where cleaning comes first. I’m not proud of it, but I’m generally more pleasant to be around when the house is organized (though it rarely is). See my latest post if you’re in the clean but feeling guilty for not playing category:
http://thehazards.wordpress.com/2010/01/18/controlling-the-chaos/
I like a clean home but I hate spending time on it, so I have someone come in once each two weeks to clean. I spare money in other ways so that I can spend money on this. It is worth it worth it WORTH IT. That said, if I absolutely could not afford it I would do what the author does and just not worry much about it, other than bathrooms and cleaning up after meals.
http://www.thedreamclean.com
[url=http://www.thedreamclean.com]
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I LOVE this!!! You have your priorities CORRECT!!!
I love this. Our house lives somewhere in the middle, I guess — not nearly as neat and tidy as my mother would have had it, but not a disaster, either. I do clean most parts of the house weekly, but it’s not a deep clean. You’ll never scrape filth off the counter to make a sandwich, but you might have to hunt through the giant shoe pile to find your other sandal. And it’s all because, as working parents with busy lives, we’ve made a pact NOT to do more than wash a dish or sweep up an immediate disaster zone as long as our boys are awake and there is time to be spent with them. There’s guilt, but I’d rather have a happy, chaotic, loving household than two kids who feel our limited time together isn’t as full and rich as it could be.
i’m disgusted that people are actually praising this writer. not saying one has to be obsessive about cleaning, but teaching your children the importance of respect by taking care of things you have should not be overlooked.
there’s a lesson in VALUING the fact you have a house, a room, furniture, toys, etc when people in other parts of the world don’t.
not to mention they’ll be awful house guests when they are older.
i have to say this is the truth. we cannot keep our stuff forever, but we will always have memories. i live with my aunt who is neat freak obsessed with her stuff, i am not. i value time with my son, and playing, and reading, not scrubbing the floor. when i look back on my son’s childhood and the time i spent with him, im glad it will be memories of us together, not of me watching out the corner of my eye…
Wow, although I may not be comfortable living in her house (or even visiting) the truth is the author does many of the things that I think I’ll do with my daughters as soon as the house is clean. Of course, those plans usually do not happen because 1. Try as I might, the house is never completely clean & in order (Always something still to do) and, 2. After all that cleaning it’s too late in the day & I’ve run out of energy. I do like order in a home – it feels great while it lasts but a long walk in a apple orchard with my children shouldn’t be put off until all is in some sort of ever-ellusive state of order. Still, I believe there has to be a way to have a clean home & a rich family life… looking for the balance and I think that with G-d’s help we can achieve that, but first we’re gonna go take a nice looong walk!!
while I probably do a little better than the lady in this article, especially if we have guests coming, this definitely jives with my theory that no one EVER died with remorse because they didn’t clean their house often enough.
Thank you! It is so nice to see that I am not the only one who thinks this way. Our three kids are being raised to know that people, not things are always more important.
I do know that it bothers my husband some and I have tried to find a little more balance for his sake, but his feelings have as much to do with the fact that he was raised by a woman who after 2 weeks of no electricity because of a hurricane could only complain about not being able to vacuum! Over the years he has learned to just do it himself because either (1) it doesn’t bother me as much as it does him, or (B)I don’t have the time to do it because I am too busy raising the kids.
Clean ur house woman!
I LOVE LOVE this article!
I lived this philosophy when my kids were growing up. They are young adults now and my standards are a bit higher, but not much. http://www.cornerstone-ct.com
My mom had honest-to-goodness OCD, and I grew up spending Sundays dusting, scrubbing the sink with one toxic chemical and then washing the family’s hairbrushes with another toxic chemical (and if the two chemicals ever combined I could pass out), while my father read the newspaper and the cleaning lady vacuumed. I agree that cleanliness is overrated. I pay someone to do my floors and bathrooms (with non-toxic cleaners) once a week, and I pick up because I don’t like clutter, but I will not spend a moment dusting or mopping. And I totally agree that a housecleaner is a fine use of money (better than a lot of the junk most people buy), and that housework, just because it’s “women’s work,” is not exempt from the market economy.
So funny I would stumble across this article. I am not a mother but hoping to be one soon. I hate to clean but do it out of necessity. I would much rather spend quality time with my husband, and usually I do. Just this morning I was thinking about how much more I will hate to clean when I have children. However I do still value a clean (maybe not tidy, but clean) home. So I was thinking that once I do have children I will look into hiring a college student, or anyone who could use some extra cash, to come in for a few hours a week to do the big stuff. Prior to finding this article I was debating in my head which tasks I could hire out. I think it would totally be worth it.
Here’s a reason – I grew up in this house, and it made me miserable. I was embarrassed to bring friends over, so I didn’t, and I felt isolated. I hated living in their mess, but I’d never learned how to clean or tidy, so I had no options for fixing it. My parents were ashamed of the way the house looked, but they couldn’t or wouldn’t make the effort to make it better, so I grew up knowing that they were powerless over something fairly simple. Which was really damaging. I grew up to be an adult who barely knew how to keep a house, and for years just lived in the same kind of mess and filth. When I finally matured enough to realize how much it bothered me, and to figure it out all on my own, I became an obsessive neat freak. Now, the sight of any dirt or mess in my home stresses me out and reminds me of my unhappy childhood, so I’m a compulsive cleaner. Basically, a pretty crappy end result.
But my house looks great.
There is so much more to life than a clean house! Unless your house is super dirty, which I don’t believe yours is, I think you have your priorities in order so much more than others. In other cultures, floors are made of dirt. So I think a little dirt is not going to hurt anyone.
I agree completely
I absolutely couldnt agree more. I value my happy family over a clean house any day. Thank you for putting it into words.
I completely agree, after taking care of children all day long.. the last thing I want to do at the end of the day is clean. So why do so many people expect us to?
A little disorganization is a sign of life. Rule of thumb in our family: There are only three places a perfectly clean home with 5 or more people exisits: In the military, and in OCD world. The End. Cleaning is great. Sometimes it is even fun. But guilt, stress, and stupid age-old stigmas are nothing to get your knickers in a twist about. Enjoy life. Enjoy kids. And by all means, the laundry will still get done. ;D Loved this article! Great writing.
Haha, make that only 2 places… ;D
This article makes it seem like it has to be one or the other. You can have a clean house and still do fun things with your kids. Why would you want sticky counters and muddy floors..yuck.
I agree w/ librarian. You seem to assume that people who clean their homes and teach their children some basic adult life skills in the process don’t bake for their families or play with their children. How is the fact that you read to your child even relevant to your whether or not your house is clean? Do you seriously think that those of us who don’t live in filth do not READ TO OUR KIDS?? You sound awfully defensive and critical of people who do clean their homes for someone who professes to be so comfortable with their own lack of housekeeping.
Let me help you out. You don’t clean because you are lazy! It’s that simple.
Your insecurities about this issue are pathetically obvious.
I see the point you are trying to make, but I’m not really a fan of the implication that people who do choose to maintain clean homes are not interacting with their children as they should be. Our house is often messy but we make a point to clean as a family each Sunday, and my husband and I spend 20 minutes or so tidying up after our daughter goes to bed. Our home is by no means perfect, but it doesn’t look like an episode of Hoarders, either. I still manage to read to my child, create art projects with her, have dance parties with her, play with her, bathe her, feed her, and work 45 hours a week outside of the home.
“To each his own, said the old woman as she kissed the cow…”
You can clean and not prioritize it over your children. I promise. I loathe the idea that I see here, that people who have clean houses are uptight or no fun or have their priorities screwed up. I think that comes from insecurity. I do all those fun things too, but I squeeze cleaning in b/c not b/c I enjoy it, but b/c I think it’s just an unpleasant but necessary part of life and raising kids. I also think it’s important for kids to learn the lesson of how to take care of their home/things. I grew up in a messy house and actually I do remember it and wish that aspect had been different. My house is not perfect at all, and I don’t fret if it gets dirty in between tidying/cleaning, but I’m not going to pat myself on the back when it gets messy b/c it somehow makes me more interesting (as some commenters imply). And yes, some people are just cleaner than you naturally. They need it. No need to judge them. In my experience, they are generally high energy people who keep a lot together and manage to do it all.
I think the sites you talk about are so popular precisely b/c it is hard to fit in- they are primarily about how to manage it while working and/or raising kids and doing 100 other more important things.
I don’t think she’s saying either “clean house” or “time with kids”. I thinks she’s saying that ridiculous obsessing over a clean house does not exactly help you connect with your children. Some people clean to aid a nervous habit, not out of responsibility. It’s time we grow up and realize that organized, sterile mess is not taboo…it’s simply a sign of life. Maybe I just read this differently…
For the record, I clean my house and I wish I cleaned it more and I do not think this article in any way criticizes or judges me. I read it was one woman’s experience of letting go of something that she doesn’t particularly value in spite of the fact that she’s “supposed to” Cheers!
I admit it. I am a cleaner. I just like to have things orderly – at the least. But, I let go of the unrealistic expectations years ago and now I just do what I can, when I can. It’s not always messy, it’s not always clean.
With that said, I don’t stress too much about how others do it (that’s their bag, ya know?) – so why do people stress about what I like? For example, ,upon admitting what I prefer, I’ve had people remark, “I choose to spend time with my kids instead of cleaning the house.” Don’t you just love passive-aggressive people?
Babble – you challenge conventional subjects all the time and I appreciate that, but this article is ridiculous! Tracy, congrats on patting yourself on the back for being, well, a tad bit lazy. Did it ever occur to you that others are able to work, sleep, read their own kids Harry Potter AND keep the house at a decent standard of clean on a daily basis? Wow, you have an “is this disgusting” test. Bravo for you. I’m glad you “laugh a lot” but so do I. And I never have to question whether my house is disgusting and also I’m not sitting on a high horse thinking I’m too good for day to day hygiene and cleanliness. And P.S. I imagine your friends don’t enjoy dropping by either. If they laugh off your “vile” kitchen, then they’re lying you your face. Sorry to have to point that one out.
I love this article! I totally agree id take laughing and enjoying my family over a clean house anyday! And that’s what we do!
Totally agree!
I’m with you on this one!
I am with you in some ways, but in others, I feel the anxiety welling up in me when the house spins out of control. Sure, there is a time to play and a time to have fun. I am interested in librarian’s comments (as another librarian) because I find living in a chaotic home, when my work life is so ordered. It’s like living a double life, something I’m always fighting in my head.
I step on toys and trip over boxes all day long. I’m looking forward to the boys getting into preschool so I can have time to clean. I get derailed easy and with twins, any project will soon be derailed, even if it is just folding the laundry. I don’t aspire to a picture perfect house, but I certainly see benefits of having a cleaner, neater, or even more organized home. So, I follow the Flylady, badly, but hopefully will be able to use her ideas better when I have a little more free time.
I couldn’t have said it any better. Life’s too short. And I’ve learned that a clean house doesn’t necessarily mean a happy family. It only appears that way.
I wish more people understood this – including my own mother! I work FT outside the home and my time with my kids is precious – so they can bite me …as I go back to hiding the dust bunnies under the bed !
It’s a stress reliever at times but I don’t think anybody likes to clean it’s just a necessity, and like it or not it fits into my daily routine right along with all the other things you write about. When I walk into someones house and they are clearly embarrassed as they say oh don’t mind the mess, to me it’s an excuse and I don’t think it makes someone less a parent as some and you suggest because we keep a clean house. It’s not realistic to say I’d rather play with my kids than clean! I mean, come on I read to my children, we play game night, etc etc but cleaning fits in. I say as long as the sheets are washed once a week bathroom wiped down & kitchen daily 2 most important rooms to me, then I can feel good that my children are in a sanitary environment. It’s just funny how “not cleaning” is being defended lol seriously?
Im so glad I found this article! I have read so many blogs lately from women who are SAHM who enjoy keeping house and have cleaning charts and schedules and daily routines, or who strongly believe that its a service to God to keep things spotless. I try to keep up with thatand feel stressed and hurried as I myself work FT, have 3 kids under 4, and do all the cleaning/laundry. Its never good enough! So today I set out to find women who are on the OTHER side of the fencewho arent concerned about housework if that means sacrificing all their free time.
I usually dont comment on articles but I Just wanted to say THANK YOU! I feel so much better knowing that there are women like me out there.
I am a clean freak.. I try so hard not to make cleaning important to me but I dont know how because it is. I have three children 4,2 and 1. I work 8 hours a day pick the kids up from daycare and go how. When I go home I sit the kids down for a snack and start cleaning. When the are done with the snack I clean it up and put a movie on or have them plat in their rooms and i go back to cleaning. At about 6 I feed them dinner,give baths and then its time for bed. After they go to bed I finish cleaning. I find myself cleaning everything. Most of the time I clean so much I never stop and eat dinner myself. Why am I like this. I so much Just want to let the house to and spend time with my kids but my mind wont let me. Its gotten so bad that my 2year old son is a clean freak now. I read your blog and want so bad what you wrote about. I want to just make sure the dishes are clothes are clean. Just clean what needs to be cleaned. But I dont know how to get myself to do that. I dont know how I got where I am at in my life. Do you have any advice?? I really need help kicking this part of my life.