Motherhood As the End of Adventure?
Why having a baby is just the beginning
My husband leans over from the passenger side, seatbelt pulling taut as he cranes his neck to get a better look at the speedometer. With a disbelieving shake of his head, he admits defeat; I’ve beaten him with lead foot to pedal, topping out at 122 MPH on this foggy stretch of German autobahn. We pull over at the next inn to toast my victory over a stein of pilsner (for him) and a glass of water (for me). At six months pregnant, I’d come to terms with missing out on German beer – in Germany, during Oktoberfest – but I certainly wasn’t going to let pregnancy stop me from seizing the chance to cross BOTH “driving on autobahn” and “beating husband at own game” off the bucket list. Soon I’d have a baby and my days of wild rides would be over forever.
Before my daughter, Scarlet, arrived, I’d spend my twenties saving up my pennies and vacation days, then hitting the airport with nothing more than $400 cash and a guidebook, touching down at points from Bratislava to Venezuela and a dozen stops in between, looking to find a new piece of myself hidden in some undiscovered cranny of the planet. Now, as a pregnant thirty-something parked on a barstool with a glass of water on what seemed like my last adventure, all I could see was my bright and unpredictable youth as a dying star, destined to vanish into the boring black hole of parenthood – a slow ride down a highway to nowhere.
Three short months later, I gave birth to an actual baby, and instantly she was consuming my time, my thoughts, and my heart. Her arrival revealed the naïvet’ of my fears and injected me with that particular sense of wonder and awe that new mothers, of any culture, can understand. Still, between late night feedings, while reading status updates from old traveling companions currently crisscrossing India by train, I’d feel pangs of envy. My current idea of a vacation was a trip to the drugstore. Had my thrill-seeking spirit been replaced by a boring “mom” version of my former self?
As it turned out, acknowledging these feelings was my ticket to the next phase of motherhood. While Scarlet grew from helpless baby to commanding toddler, I observed my role as a mother unfolding along with her personality. More than an intimate caretaker, I began to see myself as a teacher and a wide-eyed partner in her discovery of the world. Magical moments started to appear in the closest of places. My daughter had insisted on scattering cantaloupe seeds throughout the yard, but they never sprouted. After asking the gardener to help pull the vines of our ever-expanding tomato plant off the ground, we discovered, right there under the stakes, a baby cantaloupe, as fuzzy as a newborn’s head. I screamed so loudly my trembling child jumped into my arms as my husband ran outside naked in alarm. Spotting that melon was, quite honestly, the most exhilarating moment of my life.
And that’s when it hit me hard: One day as a mother presents an astonishing multitude of possible paths – points of diversion more wild than any plane ticket, rail pass, or map could ever offer. The choices and their consequences are more exciting because they are simply more important. And they are more important because THEY ARE NOT ABOUT YOU. My life as a mother is anticipation, mystery, and imminent change. And most exciting of all is my certainty that whatever tonight holds, I will wake up tomorrow morning and not be the center of my own attention. My kid taught me to be enchanted and fulfilled by the unpredictability of our life at home. The travels of my youth were just the beginning of a journey of self-discovery that landed me in the wildest of destinations: parenthood. Now the real adventure begins.








How true how true. Although life changes when we have a child it doesn’t stop. Thank you for acknowledging the true adventure of life.
Love.
Great perspective! At first I thought the Autobahn was the most exciting thing I’d read today, then I read about the mellon. A pleasure.
This article was so heartfelt and wonderfully written. It really hit home for me. I’ve had more fun in the past almost three years than I thought possible. Here’s to a future filled with more baby melons!
Welcome to parenthood. It’s a wildly terrific ride!
“The choices and their consequences are more exciting because they are simply more important. And they are more important because THEY ARE NOT ABOUT YOU.” Amen. Well said.
I have had similar fears myself as an adventurous 35yo soon to be first and only time mother. Thanks for a great article and words of encouragement!
love this.
now i’m weepy.
Love this message…thanks for reiterating how exciting this leg of our “travels” is.
So sweet and true. It’s amazing how each new day with our kids is an adventure in itself.
Like, like, like! (Thanks Mylinh)
That was a fantastic article, and so well-written!
Beautiful article! Love your perspective.
I’m still jealous of friends having travel adventures and trying to enjoy motherhood.
Great article. One every mom should. Read Being a mom it is really easy to understand where the author is commixing from. I am looking forward to moremarticles fromJaime
Love it love it love it! Thanks for writing this. I would like to point out, however, that a kid doesn’t have to mean a stop to the traveling… you think the backyard is amazing through a childs eyes, try a whole new country. You may not be able to get quite as crunk at Oktoberfest as you would have before, but to keep traveling with the kids is probably one of the most mind-expanding gifts you could give them.
Love this Jamie … may there be more fuzzy baby cantaloupes in your future
Pure Awesomeness. ;D One of the best on Babble.
perfect.
So sweet!!!
Yep, this is wonderful, and so are our kids…but am I really the only person who sometimes deeply misses the days of only being responsible for myself? I appreciate the many large and small joys of my new life but that doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally yearn for the old one…
Jaime, you are brilliant
What an amazing woman, mother and writer you are, Jaime. This is so poignant and wonderful!
Thank you. I am pregnant with my first child and I have been so overwhelmed with everything that I am losing that I often forget what I’m getting in return. I need reminders like this one to keep things in perspective.
Beautifully written. We don’t see it before our children are born but they are the greatest adventure. You never know what’s going to happen next!
Thanks for putting into words what I have always felt but could never ever articulate so beautifully
Depressing. What a pat answer to an existential problem. As if a year or two down the road you won’t miss being able to afford adventure travel. You will miss it, but that’s when the preschool bills start piling up. Europeans can still afford to travel since they have so much governmental support in raising their little ones — it’s us Americans who must say to ourselves “what an amazing adventure it is to never go anywhere exotic again.”
so lovely. well said.
Well put. This is exactly why I wrote my book, A Double Life, Discovering Motherhood, to honor and explore the ordinary in the extraordinary, the radical transformation & change at the center of it all.
so well written. i needed to hear this, thank you. i was laughing at the naked husband part at the cantelope celebration- too funny.
Jaime,
Well-put and so true. My kids are still my greatest adventures!
Lovely, thanks for this, Jamie. I’m teary-eyed with excitement for my own wild ride!
Beautiful and philosophical, and I agree that motherhood is quite an adventure in and of itself.
That said, we’re still travelling. We’ve breezed down the Autobahn at over 200 km/h with our kids in the car (keeping up with the flow of traffic, after all) and are braving 16-hour non-stop flights next month with them to visit Oz. While our youngest hasn’t had so many experiences, our first had visited nine countries before he could walk. We can’t travel as much, and have to watch our spending, and can’t always do the things we’d otherwise do, but we’re still exploring. Now our adventures are for four – and we get to see the wondrous world through the eyes of our kids!
This is frustrating to me to read about children as the “real” adventure. As if life before kids, or a life without one’s own children, is somehow less real or by definition more self-centered than the alternative. Having children is not a self-help method for self-centered people, and one need not convince themselves that having children cancels out world travel. Even so, you can be a mom, even a good mom, and STILL feel like you miss traveling. It doesn’t make you a bad mom.
D rock, do you even have kids?
I felt a little trepidation when I gave birth to my daughter but I soon realized (and with my parents example before me) that becoming a parent is certainly not the end of travel. The focus of our adventures is a bit different and the pace of travel has altered a bit but becoming a mom didn’t lead to an ‘all-stop’ of fun. Just altered a bit. So far, my daughter has travelled to Italy and coming up we’re going to Mexico. All this and she’s only 16 months old! At the same time, we’re looking forward to a nice camping trip this summer at our local provincial park where she can discover nature.
Does my opinion not count if I don’t have kids?
Excellent article! This really sums up the true feelings of motherhood.
Beautiful!
Being a parent is an adventure, and an incredible one. But it’s not any more “real” than being a single doctor, working hard in a low-income area; or traveling as a married couple without kids, or working as an engineer late into the night, or taking a friend to somewhere you’ve both never been. There’s nothing wrong with saying that parenthood is an adventure, and one you find challenging and rewarding. But there’s no need to claim that non-parents are missing something “real” or “true” that parents have – I think they could make the same claims back. This is like the backlash against thin models by saying “real women have curves.” There’s no one way to be a woman – some of us have curves, and some of us don’t, and we’re all real women. There’s no one way to have an adventure – some of us parent, some of us don’t, and we all have the potential to have a rewarding life. I appreciate the sentiment, but not the superiority in the post or the comments.
hi all, thank you for the feedback. In retrospect, i would finish the article by saying “now the NEXT adventure begins.” agree with the commenters who say that the adventures of parenthood are no more real than other journeys. this was more about my personal transition and coming to embrace this change in my life.
What I meant to imply was that your opinion is respected, yet irrelevant, if you do not understand the topic. There; much better stated. And I do agree with Jaime; having children is one of life’s many adventures; I think parenthood gets enough “woe is me” flack from self-absorbed people who never grew up themselves, which is why I really liked this article. It was a fun change of pace, esp. for those who love children.
I have to agree that this is a pat response to an existential problem. Am I going to be the only one who says parenthood is NOT an adventure? Wonderful, joyful, difficult, awe-inspiring, yes. However, procreating (and yes, I have done so and love and enjoy my son immensely) is probably the most banal and ordinary activity any of us can engage in. And that’s ok; it doesn’t diminish the experience of raising a tiny infant to adulthood any less magical.
Certainly, priorities and finances shift dramatically but having a child should not preclude world travel any more than it should preclude professional advancement or the maintenance of friendships. To embrace the idea that it does is not only untrue but also dangerous. The author implies that parenthood necessarily puts an end to all growth, experience and, indeed, identity outside of our children. She praises the selflessness of parenthood, saying that these new “adventures” are, “important because they are not about you.” However, by making our children the only source of joy, fulfillment and adventure in our lives we burden them with responsibility for our happiness and, in a roundabout way, make it all about US.
I think this is a sweet article. I have to disagree with “teacherspet’s” response to this article. While procreating might be banal and ordinary because it is common, it also feels more like a miracle than anything I experienced before it (I have a daughter about the same age as Jaime’s). Sharing the wonder of discovering the world with your children, letting it consume and delight you, doesn’t inherently burden your children with the responsibility of your happiness. I think you are making assumptions about the author that aren’t evident in this article. Babies and toddlers spend each and every day seeing or learning something for the very first time and we get to share in the joy of their discoveries – of course it is an adventure.
Wow, do many of you not realize that this written from the author’s own experience, her perspective? I don’t think it was meant to encapsulate the experience of every mother, nor was it a commentary on how motherhood is better than being single or childless. If you took it to mean that, then you have some extraordinary chip on your shoulder. This article was not about YOU, it was about the author. Sheesh…..
Thanks for the wonderful article and BOO! to the jerks.
I had a “cantelope moment” myself just last night…thank you for putting my heart into words. Beautifully written.
Love this!