World's Worst Baby Names
The worst baby name I’ve ever seen was given to a child in my former school district. Pronounced NAH-sma-king and spelled Nosmoking, it chosen for the first thing the mother saw after giving birth: The no smoking sign on the wall of her hospital room.
Seriously. There’s not even a cute nickname there: Nos? Nossie? Smokie? King?
In their book Bad Baby Names authors Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback pay homage to all the babies destined to be ridiculed on the playground and the parents who name them. Using the U.S. Census Bureau as their guide, they’ve come up with an impressive list of names that should be banned from birth certificates everywhere.
Here are the worst of the worst:
- Gamble Moore
- Doctor Love
- Lust T. Castle
- Mayo Head
- Pickle Parker
- Cherry Grant
- Mike Rotch
- Anita Bath
- Hugh Jass
Compared to these (Hugh Jass … snicker), celebrity baby names like Sparrow, Bronx Mowgli, and Zuma seem positively generic. See the entire list of bad baby names at MSNBC.
What’s the worst baby name you’ve ever seen? And how much power did you give future playground pranks when choosing a name for your baby?
Photo: CaptBrando, Flickr
My husband used to work as a lawyer for the state, working to get child support for children on state assistance from their dead-beat parents. The worst baby name he ever came across is a first name that reads as follows: “Herroyalhighnessqueennefertiti”. Try fitting that on state forms!
I went to HS with a girl named Schemer Potter. Apparently Schemer was an old family name. No joke.
I knew of twins who were biracial named Ebony and Ivory
My husband went to school with a boy named Famous Jones.
My dad used to work with a man named Horace Manor. Say it fast. It’s not good.
How about Dwayne Pipe or Theresa Green. Don’t parents think?
I as a home visitor for new Moms in the inner city and I have heard them all… the funniest ones were started with Sir, or Princess or Queen. Of-course there were the car references.. Lexus, etc
One of the Mom’s was named Pepsi Cola… that is pretty funny.. her last name was indeed Cola.
My dad went to school with a boy who name was King Lear. (Lear being the surname). That’s not so bad, a boy called King. His sister, however… Crystal Chandel Lear. Say it out loud.
There was an Asshole (said Ash-ho-lay) – they were from somewhere else and didn’t know what the word was, just thought it was pretty. Also, Ophelia Pussey was another. I went to HS with a George George and a Salvador Edward Dressing (Sal Ed Dressing) No Joke
I grew up with a Holly Wood. She was born at Christmas, of course.
Mister Willis. Not dirty or anything, just ridiculous. My friend used to take tickets at an airline and kept some of the stubs with ridiculous names on them. He’d get them out every once in a while for a giggle. They were pretty hilarious.
We met someone at a dinner party last year whose son (in attendance) was named Lucky Mister Johnson (last name Johnson). The poor kid was only 4 months old, so he hadn’t experienced any ridicule yet, but I can’t imagine what was to come!
My sister taught a girl named Chlorine and a friend of mine tutored a kid named…brace yourself…INXS. His parents were really big fans of the band.
Comments
Tsunami. And her mother actually said “you know, like the storm.” Isn’t naming your kid after a force of destruction just sort of asking for trouble?
my kids have a friend named Vesuvius…y’know, like the volcano that killed an entire city. He’s a sweet kid, most of the time, but also quite likely to erupt.
A friend just named her baby boy Maximus Throttle. A little strange to me.
In the early 90s I knew a girl named Regan Bluett. She was born and named in the mid-70s, well before Ronald Reagan took office.
very well said..thanks for the post..so funny reading on reading those name..but still they all unique isn’t?
Fear of Flying Music
I went to college with twins named Dawn and Dusk, and when I was a prison social worker, a woman on my caseload named her son Shithead, pronounced Shih-theed. Ironically, 10 years later, a co-worker of my mother came to work and said her daughter, a community social worker, had a boy on her caseload named…Shithead. I can only hope that two parents didn’t make that decision, and hope that that boy can get past his unfortunate moniker.
all good things
I went to middle school with a girl named ‘Treasure’. I hated calling her that. I worked with a man named ‘Right On”. He showed me his license, it was true!
[...] World’s Worst Baby Names [...]
[...] World’s Worst Baby Names [...]
[...] World’s Worst Baby Names [...]
I once took a call from a customer “First name Snow, last name White”. I don’t think she liked her own name…
I knew two twins named ya-lon-ga-low and or-an-ga-low, spelled yellowjello and orangejellow
Most of the names you guys are claiming to have “known” are just urban legends. The lemonjello and orangejellow twins, in particular, are a meme that have been floating around the internet for years. See here: http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/names.asp Most of these “I knew a girl named_________” ancedotes are really just disguised racist jokes. You’ll never convince me for a moment you actually knew a girl named “nosmoking”.
I met three biological brothers named “John”, “Johnny” and “Jonathan”. I also met two brothers named “Anonymous” and “Zoom.”
I knew a girl in high school who was named Ima Precious Jewel.
My 4H Club leader when I was a kid was named Rusty Fawcett. Oh, and I went to high school with a guy named Ben Dover (he thought his name was awesome).
This isn’t a baby name but my fiance’s first name is Amanda and my last name is Love. In one year from today she will forever be Amanda Love (sounds like a man to love). It took me two months just to get her to go on a date with me because of what her name would be if things did work out. Looks like her fears are going to be realized. Now, I’ll have to think about what kind of name I can choose to torture my kids.
I used to teach in the inner city, and there was a student at our middle school named LaVoujinee (pronounced Luh VAH gin ay). Figure that one out. She was always landing herself in detention for some reason or other. And the Lemonjello and Orangejello story is NOT urban legend. My friend Bo taught high school in Louisiana and had two students (brothers) with those names. At the middle school I taught at there was also this African kid — poor guy — whose last name was Orgee, and his parents had named him Precious before moving to the states. That’s just unfortunate. We also had a brother and sister named Holly Wood and Brent Wood, which sounds fantastic next to those other names.
My teacher had a student named La-a.. stupid right? You don’t know the half of it… It was pronounced La dash uh… and she had another student named abcde… pronounced ab sidd uh!!!
lol Mike Roach is so hilarious i think parents are very mean if they name ther kids any of there names. i would cry if my parents named me that
these names are so mean.
Ha! I used to work with Schemer Potter when I lived in San Diego!
I know twins Jenna, Tahlia.
i went to school witha kid named dume shiza
I know a kid named shithead
I had a friend in elementary school named Nova. She had brothers named Chevy and Ford and sisters named Fairlane and Galaxie.
one of my best friends name is Autumn Breeze and her sister’s name is Summer Star. LOL;-)
my name tehANI pronounced like Tay-Honey. My bes frenz cousin’s friend’s name is Bum-biutcha
My dad went to school with a girl named Ophelia Balls.. No friggin joke, That’s not even a little nice
I rented a room from a woman who was a teachers aid in West Virginia back years ago. She told me about a family who was named Hogg. They had two daughters named (no kidding) Ima & Yura. Poor little girls, some people have no sense.
I forgot, I had a friend that frequented a pizza place who had a pizza baker who was named Bug. I didn’t believe it until he showed me his drivers permit. My thinking was that the state was NOT going to put a nickname on a drivers permit. Darned if it wasn’t true. He said that his Grandfathers name was Bug, his Father was named Bug, & so was he. Otherwise I’ld have never believed it.
i used to date a Pamenla Martha Fokker
Urban legend my ass, ask school teachers and nurses….we’ve seen most of these and then some and these parents aren’t thinking of their child’s well being, they just want something unique. Using – (pronouncing it “DASH”) in a name should not be allowed along with all the apostrophes. Oh and JC, it isn’t racist, it is just pointing out some really thoughtless parents, regardless of color.
My ex knew a guy that named his son – Forrest Burns
a friend’s brother named Ishmael Peter Rainwater (I P Rainwater)
My wife’s dad knew a man named Richard (Dick) Whacker
We had a dentist growing up named Dr. Toothaker
I went to school with a girl who had a last name of Cockshutt
I work in the healthcare field and see hundreds of names everyday. I don’t know if I could pick the worst. Chaos & Gypsi (siblings), Dreamy, Lucky, Lourdes, Master Bang, King, etc… But, the worst last name I have ever seen is Philapenasa. It doesn’t look bad, but the proper Dutch pronunciation sounds like Feel-a-Penis. I sure felt bad for her American teenage granddaughters.
Common and very stupid name for Filipino kids in Hawaii is ABCDE, yup..pronounced either Ah-bee-ciday or some Ab-sid-ee either way its ridiculous. I personally know a family whose kids are Abcde, Efgij, Klmno…asked the mom once why she did that? Her answer..it’s sooo cool! Not.
Try these on for size, taken from the Monroe News Star in Monroe, LA:
MacKnificient ChristLove Jones and Onesty I’mUnique, as well as Heavenly Breeze. Then there was the child in my grandson’s PreK graduation class in 1995 whose name was Lashaundrikashakelshala. What can these parents be thinking to hang poor innocent babies with these names?
my mothers maiden name was anita and her last name cox. then when she married my father her last name was moore. so her name was Anita Cox Moore….say it out loud. she later changed her name
my name is modestie lace….my husband constantly makes stripper jokes. : /
Phil McCracken. Seriously. Fill-my-crack-in. Owns a chicken wing shop in MD.
In the town where I grew up there were chiropractors named Dr.Krusch and
Dr.Mc Cracken. At the same time there was a doctor’s office ran by Drs Gebhart and Heiny.
But I think the “best” of the worst names has to go to my fifth grade teacher’s husband, Harry Dick.
I went to elementary school with sisters “Sunshine” and “Bleu” (yes, spelled the French way). I went to college with Badger Koon and Beyond Joy, both males. I have a friend named, Sunni Dawn. Fun kinds of oddball names, I think!
My mom knew a Brock Lee, and my uncle worked with a Richard Holder and Dick Holder XD.
my mom went to school with an Ima June Bugg