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Would You Trade Your Baby For Two Beers?

A Massachusetts man has been busted for trying to trade his infant daughter for 2 40 oz beers. That’s some pretty irresponsible parenting right there.

We were talking last month about what will get the attention of the child protective services. This. This will totally do it. The state has the little girl in custody while they figure out what is going with her parents.

So actually trying to give your kid to a stranger is clearly wrong, but we’ve all thought about it, right?

People try to trade their kids for weird things all the time. There’s the headline grabbing crimes of trading your kid for sex or money that we report on once a month or so. In less crazy circumstances, there are people who trade a life with their kids for love or freedom by walking out on them. On a lighthearted note, I traded an evening with my kids to a friend for two ballet tickets last week. She had ballet tickets she didn’t want and loves kids; I had a husband I hadn’t seen alone in weeks. Everyone won.

But back to the bad kid-trading. The kind where you offer a maintenance guy at a convenience story your baby in exchange for two beers. I’m betting that even the best parents have had some desperate moment when they thought, “If a band of gypsies came by and made me an offer for this child, I’d sell her for a fake nickel.”

I remember the last time I went grocery shopping with my then three-year-old daughter. I refused to buy her some plastic-wrapped day-glo “fruit treat”, and she responded by laying down on the floor and wailing at the top of her lungs. When I went to pick her up and carry her out of the store (leaving our full cart of groceries abandoned in an aisle in a desperate attempt to get out before things got worse), she got up and ran around shrieking, “NO! STAY AWAY! YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY!”

If someone had offered to swap me two beers for her at that moment, I can’t say I wouldn’t have been tempted.

Have you ever wishes, even secretly, that you could swap your kid? What’s the craziest thing you’d trade a baby for?

Photo: uberculture

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