"You Are Not Special" – Teacher’s Brutally Honest Commencement Speech
You Are Not Special
Commencement speeches come in a variety of colors, from light, cheery celebrations to darker, more serious takes on this big life change. English teacher David McCullough Jr. of Wellesley High School in Boston embraced a different style: brutal honesty.
Instead of leading what often is just a glorified pep rally, Mr. McCullough’s graduation speech — which was printed in full in the Boston Herald — was not just honest, but it took a jarring look at our over-indulged kids, helicopter parenting and a far more global approach to individuality and what he sees as a misconception of the state being “special.” What was so jarring (and awesome) about what he said?
After addressing how all the graduates are symbolically dressed all in their “ceremonial costume… shapeless, uniform, one-size-fits-all,” he added, “whether male or female, tall or short, scholar or slacker, spray-tanned prom queen or intergalactic X-Box assassin, each of you is dressed, you’ll notice, exactly the same. And your diploma… but for your name, exactly the same.”
And this is when he went in for the punch, “All of this is as it should be, because none of you is special.”
He elaborated saying, “Contrary to what your soccer trophy suggests, your glowing seventh grade report card, despite every assurance of a certain corpulent purple dinosaur, that nice Mister Rogers and your batty Aunt Sylvia, no matter how often your maternal caped crusader has swooped in to save you… you’re nothing special.”
He then took on modern helicopter parents:
“Yes, you’ve been pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, bubble-wrapped. Yes, capable adults with other things to do have held you, kissed you, fed you, wiped your mouth, wiped your bottom, trained you, taught you, tutored you, coached you, listened to you, counseled you, encouraged you, consoled you and encouraged you again. You’ve been nudged, cajoled, wheedled and implored. You’ve been feted and fawned over and called sweetie pie. Yes, you have. And, certainly, we’ve been to your games, your plays, your recitals, your science fairs. Absolutely, smiles ignite when you walk into a room, and hundreds gasp with delight at your every tweet. Why, maybe you’ve even had your picture in the Townsman! And now you’ve conquered high school… and, indisputably, here we all have gathered for you, the pride and joy of this fine community…”
Reiterating again, “But do not get the idea you’re anything special. Because you’re not.”
He cited numbers to back up his point: “Across the country no fewer than 3.2 million seniors are graduating about now from more than 37,000 high schools. That’s 37,000 valedictorians… 37,000 class presidents… 92,000 harmonizing altos… 340,000 swaggering jocks… 2,185,967 pairs of Uggs.”
He continued saying, “You see, if everyone is special, then no one is. If everyone gets a trophy, trophies become meaningless.”
Then he went into what is to be gained by this realization. “If you’ve learned anything in your years here I hope it’s that education should be for, rather than material advantage, the exhilaration of learning…I also hope you’ve learned enough to recognize how little you know… how little you know now… at the moment… for today is just the beginning. It’s where you go from here that matters.”
He then went into his advice segment, taking the “you are not special” mantra and gaining freedom from it:
“I urge you to do whatever you do for no reason other than you love it and believe in its importance. Don’t bother with work you don’t believe in any more than you would a spouse you’re not crazy about… Resist the easy comforts of complacency, the specious glitter of materialism, the narcotic paralysis of self-satisfaction. Be worthy of your advantages. And read… read all the time… read as a matter of principle, as a matter of self-respect. Read as a nourishing staple of life. Develop and protect a moral sensibility and demonstrate the character to apply it. Dream big. Work hard. Think for yourself. Love everything you love, everyone you love, with all your might. And do so, please, with a sense of urgency, for every tick of the clock subtracts from fewer and fewer.”
The op-ed/graduation speech ended with the statement, “the sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you’re not special. Because everyone is.”
What do you think of his take on the individual statement on our kids believing they are “special”? Agree or disagree?
You can read his entire speech right here from the Boston Herald.
Photo: iStockPhoto.com
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The children of Wellesley could only benefit from this speech. Although knowing what their like I’m sure it went in one ear and out the other. And was followed by parents screaming “How dare you tell my kid they aren’t special, do you know who I am!!!!!”
The children of Wellesley could only benefit from this speech. Although knowing what their like I’m sure it went in one ear and out the other. And was followed by parents screaming “How dare you tell my kid they aren’t special, do you know who I am!!!!”
This is awesome. Plain and simple. Kids today are extremely self righteous and need to know exactly what he said is true.
Our children are special only to us, the parents. Like a grain of sand on this earth, most will never be known past their own community. Others will never be forgotten, for good and bad reasons, e.i., Mother Theresa, or Adolph Hitler. That’s why it’s so important to teach them about their individuality, their uniqueness, but it doesn’t make them special, just teaches them its ok to be—to just be–themselves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We are all special to someone, but it doesn’t entitle us to a damn thing in life.The need for Education/Learning is the best thing I believe I taught my kids. To stop learning, is to die. Not necessarily formal education, there are many forms of education.But to learn something new everyday of ones life is to live. NO ONE knows every thing—not on this planet. Best commencement speech I’ve ever read. Needs to go viral on youtube. Did anyone video record this? If so–post it on FB and Youtube.
So awesome
I like it!
Love this.
All I learned from the speech is that becoming an English teacher could make you a bitter adult. Life is about learning and the best lessons are the personal ones. Why not let them figure it out and keep his bitterness to himself. Why assume that when people consider themselves special, the automaticaly take everything given to them for granted? I guess Mr. McCullough should recognize how little he knows.
Absolutely on target, what was said was exactly what the graduates of today need-to-know. Parents need to heed what my parents said to me about my children, “You love your children more than life itself, but the rest of the world does not! They have to earn their way, nothing is free and they need to learn it now!”
Seconded, Rosana. The last thing I need at an event like that is to hear a disgruntled man gab on about how un-special everyone is. I fundamentally disagree with him, though. I think EVERYONE is special (even him), if only to a select group (friends, family, etc.). That doesn’t give anyone license to act like an ass. I have really grown to hate the posts that direct such vitriol to “special snowflakes”. It seems to me that more of the world’s problems are caused by lack of community support and negligent parents not treating children well than supportive community with loving parenting.
Next up: Wedding speeches where you tell the bride her dress is ugly and everyone’s bet on a divorce date. It just seems like not the exact time for this kind of thing for me. Sure, his ideas about learning are important but a graduation is a day you celebrate achievement and I presume the kids all passed.
It was a good speech. When my daughter graduated in ’95 the speaker was a wonderful school secretary who had worked at the high school for over 40 years. She was a friend to all the kids and dearly beloved by students and staff alike.
Her speech was reality based and full of wisdom instead of fluff and nonsense. One remark that she made has stuck with me ever since. ” And when you go out into the world, remember not to whine about all your troubles, because 90% of the people don’t care and the other 10% are glad you got them!
When Bill Gates said the same thing, everyone thought it was cool & could not have agreed more.
Inappropriate time for such a sentiment, and teacher comes across as a moron. Some of those kids are probably special. Odds are maybe a few of them will become renowned surgeons.
What I know for sure he is an embittered, ivory tower-ed academia hack.
Rosana and Alison – You have to read or watch the entire thing – not just the clips & sections presented. He is not at all bitter – the speech was truly fantastic about finding the true meaning of life & the state of our children today. Here is a link to the entire speech – only 12 minutes. I think you’ll change your opinion once you’ve heard the whole thing. …and if not, oh well.
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/high-school-graduation-speaker-tells-students-not-special-145709954.html
I loved the speech, if parents don’t have the b@lls to be brutally honest with their kids on how the real world works, someone’s gotta do it! Kids today r so spoiled (yes, even my daughter is (guilty) but there needs to be a balance. My daughter is special to US and OUR family, and time will tell if she makes her mark in this world to prove she is special to the rest of this world. Sometimes when I tip toe around the truth on how brutal this world can be you are setting your kids up to fail. Good job for someone to finally speak the truth!
I love it!!! Our job as adults is to teach our children how to survive in the real world. Protecting them from the realities of life is a disservice to all, and I’m willing to bet his students had more respect for him than most other adults because he was real. I still have a great appreciation for my high school psych teacher for the same reason, and my fellow schoolmates do, too.
I think he was right on target. I am a high school teacher and it is often a shock for the bright, feted students when they go to college and realize they aren’t quite as awesome as they were led to believe in high school. A little reality and advice to do things because they love them rather than because of what they will win or be praised for is good advice. If they don’t get a grade or a prize for it, they often won’t do it. College isn’t just a job factory. Some things are worth doing for their intrinsic value. You don’t always get rewarded for everything you do. I loved it!
Preach! AMEN. A little humility goes a long way in this world and EVERYONE needs a reality check from time to time. And while graduation is a “special” day, the point of the keynote speech to offer wisdom and advice from someone who’s been there/done that — not to simply blow sunshine up audiences’ behinds.
What constitutes “Special” anyway? When I was in school “special” wasn’t an endearing term. After watching the entire video of 12 minutes, this english teacher was not only poetic, but metaphorical, genuine and comedic on purpose. I can sum up the entire speech in a few words- Welcome to the real world, things are dramatically changing for you, its not going to be the same and you are now primarily responsible for your selves. You have the opportunity to create change and make decisions on your own! As parents and teachers we dont need to change the way we interact with our children, but its our responsibility to our children to help them understand road ahead isnt so smooth.
I think everyone has something unique to contribute society at large, but don’t label it “special.” For example, Walt Disney was special, so was Jim Henson, but there are many wannabes out there that think that they are hot stuff, when in actuality, they are not.
I live in the next town over in Natick..and am thinking I want to have this English teacher teach my son! woooohooo loved it…grandpa taught me this years ago…