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You're Getting Divorced? That's Awesome!

Many products and services are now catered specifically to those getting divorced.

Back in my 20′s, I loved a good wedding. What’s better than seeing one of your best buddies stepping up to the plate for his shot at a lifelong, love-filled brand of happiness with the woman of his dreams? Not to mention the receptions, which were usually off the hook, and teaming with lovely ladies, I might add.

Of course, if you’re going to get all technical, each of those lavish receptions were for couples who stood a 1 in 2 chance of getting divorced. But when you’re getting down on the dance floor, there’s no room for all that negativity.

In fact, there’s no room for negativity at all. Especially if some new trends prove to be more than just a passing fancy.

The Huffington Post ran an extremely interesting piece yesterday entitled “Are Divorces the New Weddings?”

Now that divorce has become a fact of life—a milestone in its own right?—perhaps it was inevitable that it, too, would adopt the commercial trappings that have come to define modern nuptials.

While whether or not divorces are milestones worthy of formal celebrations is debatable (at least in my opinion), one thing is not—there are a surprising number of products and services which seek to capitalize on the high divorce rate. The Huffington Post piece lists six.

  • Divorce Parties: Why not, right? We party it up on the way in. May as well raise a glass on the way out, too. The Post reports that many women (no word on men) are opting for such parties, which often come with “Just Divorced” sashes and black veils. Oh. And divorce cakes. Many also feature divorce cakes.
  • Divroce Registry: UK department store Debenhams may be on to something. They provide for a divorce registry service for people who are untying the knot. After all, many of them may be moving out on their own for the first time ever. Such a prospect is not only daunting, but expensive. What better way to show you care than hooking a friend up through such a registry? Toasters don’t just fall from the sky, you know.
  • Divorce Photographers: This stuff practically writes itself, folks. Gianni Fasolini, an Italian photographer is proud to offer divorce albums for his clients who want to document the split. Can you imagine how miserable that session must be? I mean, honestly, if I thought posing for my actual wedding pictures was lame and contrived…
  • Divorce Rings: Really? Is there such a thing? OF course there is. And what’s more, the band doesn’t quite make a circle. There’s a conspicuous gap at the top where a diamond would ordinarily sit.
  • Divorce Announcements: When you want to get the word out, but you don’t want to make a million phone calls. (I thought that’s what Facebook was for…)
  • Divorce Ceremonies: Some people in Japan are actually having ceremonies during which they publicly announce their divorce in front of friends and family by, among other things, smashing their wedding rings with a hammer. For good luck, though, the husband is not allowed to argue with the wife that entire day. Until, of course, the actual ceremony. Then it’s okay.

So, wow. Who knew, right? The Huffington Post piece made me wonder what other divorce-related products or services might be soon coming our way. High-interest checking accounts for alimony payments? What would the opposite of a honeymoon be?

And what about the divorce ceremonies? Instead of sharing the first piece of wedding cake do they draw straws to see who has to eat a plateful of anchovies? Instead of rice, are couples allowed to throw water balloons at each other? And how do they leave such ceremonies? It seems obvious they won’t be sharing the same limo with cans tied to the bumper. Do they instead hurl cans at one another as they drive away in separate taxis?

Can you think of any divorce product and or service? And would you ever use one of the ones mentioned?

Photo: flickr/kevindooley

John Cave Osborne’s personal blog.
John Cave Osborne’s book website.

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