Nineteen and Pregnant
Giving my baby up for adoption isn't as hard as everyone thinks.
by Kayla Galloway
November 12, 2007
When I told my mom, she was very supportive. I'd already made my decision, and I think she was surprised that I was so prepared. Sometimes she looks sad about not being a grandmother yet, but she'll be a part of the baby's life, just as I will. And she knows that I'm not prepared to be a mother. And she's ecstatic that I want to go to school. My aunt Tara, who I live with, has been great, and her kids love feeling the baby kick. They're all excited to see him after he's born. When she heard, my aunt Victoria wanted to adopt the baby, but I told her I thought it would be too hard to have the baby growing up in our family like that. I visited my dad a few weeks ago, and he told me that he'd like to sell all his worldly things, rent an apartment with me, and help raise the baby. I politely thanked him for his offer, but my mentality is that this baby isn't mine. This baby is meant for Lisa and David.
At twenty-six-and-a-half weeks, I let my office know I was pregnant. This was good timing, because my belly popped out a few days later. My office called a team meeting, and I just told everyone, "I have an announcement. I'm pregnant, and I'm due in December." Katie grinned; she'd just had her daughter. Jenni said, "Congratulations." There were jokes about there being something in the water. It seems like every few months, someone else at the office turns up pregnant. In the meeting, I explained that I wouldn't be keeping the baby, and they were surprisingly supportive, even though plenty of co-workers, a few of whom are mothers, still ask me if I'm sure, just as my sister did. They say, "You're so brave. Knowing that I'll still be able to love on this baby, and that the family already loves him, makes everything easier. I can't imagine doing what you're doing. Won't it be hard to hand the baby over?"
Maybe. But I know I'll also feel good about it. Lisa and David are so excited for their baby. Every time I see them, usually about once a week, all they do is smile and look at my belly. They surround me and their baby with a kind of love I don't even understand yet. Seeing his new family just proves that I'm doing the right thing. Knowing that I'll still be able to love on this baby, and that the family already loves him, makes everything easier.
I'm not saying that it's not hard. I was recently put on antidepressants. Being pregnant has been emotionally hard, but I'm not depressed because I'm giving my baby away. I feel more like I'm giving a family someone who's already theirs, who's been theirs all along. Some days, it feels like I'm depressed because I can't give this baby what he deserves, jealous that Lisa and David can. But almost immediately I'm reminded that I will be able to have my own baby one day. Right now just isn't my time.
©2007 Kayla Galloway and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Kayla Galloway lives in Bothell, WA, with her aunt and three cousins. She works full time for a vacation ownership company and is hoping to attend the West Coast College of Massage Therapy in Vancouver, British Colombia. She spends most of her time counting baby kicks, sleeping and writing poetry. This is her first freelance piece. |
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